How To Have Tantric Sex

Are you feeling that your sex life lacks... connection? Going through the motions but not really having that ‘euphoric feeling?’ Want to get closer to your partner? Then you might consider trying Tantra! Tantric sex is, well, special. It is a sexual concept that attempts to bring two loving partners together in more than just a physical manner. The word itself, Tantra, is Sanskrit and is derived from the root word “tan”- meaning ‘to extend, expand, spread, continue, spin out, weave, to put forth or manifest.” The idea is to extend your mind and encompass your body to achieve the ultimate satisfaction. In the practice of Tantra, there is a sort of blissful conciousness which has the power of self-evolution and self-involution (learning and expanding and looking into oneself). Therefore, the evolution of self helps to bring two people closer together.

Many people assume that Kama Sutra is the same as Tantra, and that Tantra is the same as the Kama Sutra – and they are not the same. While the concepts are similar, they are separate beliefs. Kama Sutra is essentially sex based, while Tantra can extend to practices of Yoga and Meditation – and then those concepts extend to lovemaking. In Tantric sex, the methods learned and involved in Tantric thinking can be used solo, or as a couple, and are thought to provide sensations and sexual releases far more involved than just a simple ‘orgasm.’ The goal for the couple is to relax, meditate, connect, discover, explore, communicate, love and take a journey together toward sexual satisfaction – and this does not mean a journey toward orgasm. In Tantric thinking, the orgasm is simply a by-product of the connectedness we feel with our partner.

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One essential component of Tantra, is taking time to become absorbed in oneself – and also your partner. The idea is to create an environment that is free from distractions, an area that is calm, quiet and peaceful. Playing soft music, lighting candles and being comfortable are all especially important in creating that Tantric environment. You need time and space in which to become enlightened – and this is step one in reaching your goal. Your sacred space should be just that – sacred. Clean of clutter, decorated peacefully, warm, inviting. Since you will be naked – the room should be warm in temperature as well. Nothing disconnects you from your lover like a quaking body. Make the room as tranquil as possible – and make sure you and your partner are ready to put forth the time.

Once you are in your love haven, sit on the bed, face each other, look into each other’s eyes and simply – BREATHE. You have to get in touch with each other’s rhythm (this is similar to Kama Sutra). You breathe in and out purposefully, paying attention to your lover’s rhythm. As you continue to breathe together, you become closer spiritually, more relaxed, and more in tune. The more ‘in tune’ you are – the more enlightened and connected.


As I previously eluded, Tantric Sex is not a race to the finish. If your guy is the 20-minute miracle (5 minute breasts, 5 minute oral for you, 5 minute oral for him, 5 minutes of sex) – then he may be in for a world of shock. Tantric sex is about connection, and this connection can’t always happen before the 49ers take the field! Tantric sex is slow and purposeful – but fun. While traditional Tantraists will practice the slow seduction for hours upon hours – the regular person trying to learn Tantra is not going to have the patience or, quite frankly, the willpower to devote such time. The idea is not to rush, enjoy yourself, and get aroused as thoroughly as you can.

Some basic ideas here are to caress, stroke, lick, touch, kiss and otherwise tease and enjoy each other. You can take turns with a slow, seductive massage – or simply sit and touch each other slowly. The idea is to stay clear of the ‘privates’ until you are ready to connect on the next level. You are to pay homage to your lover’s body – all of it – that means ears, nose, neck, stomach, thighs, feet and so on. The idea is to become familiar, relaxed and aroused by the whole person – not just the penis or the vagina. You continue to become aroused and then finally when you are about to loose control, you stop and change focus until you come down from the sexual high. Then, build back up again. This not only builds a tremendous arch of sexual tension, but it also shows self control, heightens the connection and makes the final release 10 times more intense.

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Eventually, both partners will get to the point when they have to release. You have to remember that Tantric sex involves a total connection, so as you are preparing to release your sexual tension, make sure to look deeply into your lover’s eyes, feel their breathing, communicate your feelings and then connect on the physical realm. While there are some ‘Tantric’ sexual positions, it is really about slow connection. Any and all positions that bring you closer to your partner and allow you to look into their eyes would be fair game. Therefore, doggy style probably not great for Tantra. When you begin the actual sexual intercourse stage, it is important to bring yourself to a heightened sexual state and then let yourself down. This means, while you are making love, when the man feels his orgasm impending, he should stop – breathe – come down a bit – then continue to pleasure his partner and himself.

This can be done over and over to make the session last longer and the couple better connected. It is believed that if a couple is connected in this way – totally emotionally connected – that the orgasm that comes will be totally engulfing. As a woman who does practice some Tantra, I can say that when you are emotionally connected, have spent the time, have built up the sexual tension –the orgasm is absolutely mind-blowing and the afterglow is immensely satisfying! The goal is to become one soul and spirit drifting together – orgasm does not mean that journey ends. I believe that any couple could benefit from trying out Tantric sex. It is not any specific position or method – but a total connectedness. Of course, if one was interested in learning the absolutes of Tantra, there are many books available that can teach the essentials, the background, the history and the goal of Tantric love.

In the meantime, every couple should take one important thing from Tantric Sex – connectedness. Some times we are simply not connected enough with ourselves or our partner. Take time to connect with one another and your own road to enlightenment will begin and your sex life can only be better for it!

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