How To Restrain Your Partner

Benefits of Restraining Your Partner

BDSM has become much more talked-about in popular culture thanks to books like "Fifty Shades Of Grey" and Netflix's recent show "Bonding". There are many more examples, but these books and shows have lit the curiosity of people everywhere on what exactly bondage entails, and how to go about restraining a partner!

Simply, taking away just one of your lover’s senses (i.e. movement) heightens the experience. It builds trust, it encourages creativity, it allows the restrained person to enjoy things and activities without thinking about them. It is an exercise in trust and control.

When a person is restrained there is a huge element of surrender, a surrendering of your body and will to your lover. Furthermore, in a trusting relationship, this surrender can be extremely erotic and intoxicating for both the restrainer and the restrainee. Honestly, it is an experience that you must try for yourself – and once you do, you will be begging to be tied in any manner of naughty ways.

Have "The Talk"

The first step to any type of bondage or restraint play is to have “the talk.” This means being open and honest with your partner about either wanting to tie him/her or wanting to be tied.

In a trusting relationship, and when done correctly and treated with care, it can be a truly passionate experience to bring the two of you even closer together. This consensual power exchange is often described as intoxicating and erotic for both the restrainer and the restrainee. Honestly, it is an experience that you must try for yourself – and once you do, you will be begging to be tied in any manner of naughty ways!

Pick a "Safeword"

You have to make sure that both of you feel secure with the idea and you should always have a safe word. A safeword is a word not normally said within the context of sex, which indicates your level of uncomfortableness with what is going on during sex/bondage play. A world like “lightbulb” or "banana" works well. This way, if either of you is no longer enjoying what you are doing, you can say the word and even in the heat of the moment, the play must stop immediately.

Discuss Boundaries

You should discuss what you are comfortable with: having your legs tied, but not your hands; using ribbon, not rope; only on your back and not stomach. Any specifics that will make you both comfortable should be outlined and discussed. Then, once you have decided your level of comfort, you need to also discuss what acts you are OK with while bound. Perhaps you are OK with touching and teasing, but not sex; or, you do not feel comfortable performing oral, but it is OK to have oral performed on you. Make sure you know what you feel would be pleasurable and then you will be free to explore.

The first step to any type of bondage or restraint play is to openly and honestly discuss it with your partner. This means being vocal with your partner about what kind of things you want to try, and maybe even the concerns that you feel. Before you start anything, determine which of you is comfortable with being tied, or being the one to tie. Having a clear understanding of this will make the whole experience run much more smoothly without complication!

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Try Starting with Clothes on

It is recommended that most couples start to slow. Meaning, try tying up your lover with lingerie on (or boxers) instead of fully nude. This will make your lover more comfortable. Make sure you restrain them tenderly, never too tight. You do not want the circulation to be cut off to the extremities.

Bring Them Close to Orgasm

Take your time teasing and pleasing her/him while restrained. Use the fact that her/his mobility is limited to push the limits of pleasure. Meaning, bring her/him to the brink of orgasm, and then back down again. This is a fun way to experiment with restraint play.

You want to sure you restrain them tenderly, never too tight. You never want the circulation to be cut off to the extremities. Take your time teasing and pleasing her/him while they're restrained. With any sexual act, make sure to ask them periodically if they're comfortable and ask before proceeding to ensure that they're cool with what's going on. As you play, you can use the fact that her/his mobility is limited to push the limits of pleasure! Meaning, bring her/him to the brink of orgasm and then back down again. This is a fun way to experiment with restraint play and edging.

What to do when your partner is restrained:

Feathers - Run feathers up and down your partner's body.

Ice cubes - Temperature play can be extremely arousing. Place an ice cube on your partner's nipples and follow it up with your warm mouth can create a mix of different sensations.

Play with fabrics - Use silk, soft cloths, and other textures to run along your partner's penis or clit.

A Leather or Faux Leather Belt Strap (Gently) - Tapping a leather strap against your partner's body is great for stimulation. Varying the pressure of the "tapping" into light whipping is also incredibly erotic. Tapping a clitoris gently with a leather strap can sometimes even bring someone to orgasm!

Have sex! Since your lover is at your disposal, feel free to use her / him for your pleasure in an agreed upon manner. As you get more comfortable with restraining, full on sex or oral sex can be EXTREMELY arousing when restrained. Just remember, when you are finished with your play, to remove the restraints gently and to cuddle and enjoy some intimate closeness.  

Switch Up Dom/Sub Roles

Couples who are close enough to experiment with restraints should have good communication and trust, and this type of sexual play can sometimes enhance that.

Furthermore, when someone who is more "dominant" is restrained by someone who is more "submissive", there is a dynamic switch that occurs and this can be extremely liberating for both partners. Having the more dominant person restrained and at your mercy can be extremely arousing! Imagine the possibilities!

This period after bondage play is often referred to as aftercare. This is when the person who was the more submissive role, in this case, the (restrainee) is comforted and reassured by the dominant role (restrainer) to allow a return to normalcy outside of the bondage/fantasy that you just took part in. Aftercare and a safeword are essentials for a pleasant BDSM experience.

So, what we're saying is, do not discount the fun you could have by alternating the roles both ways! Once again, the only way you will experience the absolutely electric joys of being restrained is to TRY IT! 

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Comments

Angela - January 17, 2020

Being blindfolded requires a lot of trust from me! I do feel overall that it heightens all of my senses and I’ve had some of the most incredible foreplay that lead to intense orgasms while being blindfolded. I do believe being restrained can 100% heighten all of your senses…at least for me

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