What Your Partner Wants During Foreplay

Foreplay is a very fluid idea for many couples. Some guys think foreplay consists of, “Hey babe, wanna go fuck?” or even just a slap on the ass. Some women, contrarily, think foreplay must last for 4 hours and include every sexual activity under the sun! So, what do our partners really want during foreplay? Are man and women the same when it comes to this? Is there a wrong way to have foreplay? What do you really want during foreplay?

If you are familiar with those popular relationship books called Men Are From Venus and Women Are From Mars you know that the way men and women view, well, everything is pretty much different. This includes the idea of foreplay. Now, keep in mind that there are exceptions to every rule here, but as a general principle, women like a lot more foreplay than men mostly because they NEED more foreplay than men. Also, the kind of foreplay men and women want can be much different as well. So, the first thing you have to wrap your mind around here is that when it comes to what our partner wants during foreplay we have to understand that it may be very different than what we want.

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The first thing that most women want when it comes to foreplay is a lot of it! We tend to need more time to build up our excitement to get primed for sex. This is what foreplay is, priming us for sex. Women take an average of 12 minutes to become fully aroused and a bit longer to get close to orgasm (average, not all). So, this means if your idea of foreplay is to go down on her until she has an orgasm and then move on to sex, well, you are going to be down there a little bit. Women simply need more time to prepare their bodies than men. ON average, a man can become aroused in 5 minutes or less, depending on age, and this is a huge discrepancy. If he is ready to go in 5 minutes, but she needs 20 minutes, he may “rush” through their foreplay. So, it is important to realize this and try to find a compromising point.

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Both men and women have a variety of erogenous zones on their bodies, but women (usually) prefer that their partner hit a lot of them during foreplay. This means women like the man to take the scenic route to her most sensitive area – her clitoris. She can get much more aroused if her partner takes the time to explore all those nooks and crannies of her very sensitive body. For example, while she loves her nipples sucked and caressed, she also may respond to kisses UNDER the breasts. Her stomach is also a mecca for sensitive feelings and her inner thighs – oh yes, inner thighs. Her entire body can come alive with sensations if you take the time to explore her. Then, by the time you get to her clitoris you can take the long way around there too! This means not diving right in to her most sensitive spot, but spending some time clit-adjacent. When you finally do give her clit some attention she will be primed and ready to explode!

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If you think that men don’t like foreplay, you would be wrong. Men DO like foreplay it is just they usually prefer a much more direct approach to it. Yes, they can have all the same favorable responses to a woman who takes the scenic route with them, kisses and caresses their chest, stomach, thighs and other spots. However, what they really want, ultimately, is a blowjob. This is not to say that they do not enjoy the other things being kissed or licked – they do – but they really want it to lead to a blowjob. If you spend 15 minutes kissing and playing with everything BUT their penis, I guarantee you they will not think it was successful foreplay.

The one thing that both men and women want from foreplay is mutual arousal! I don’t just mean that they want to be aroused by their partner from foreplay, but also that they want their partner to get aroused giving them foreplay! The best foreplay is where the couple is in an erotic dance, building themselves up as they build up their partner. When we know that our partner loves to get us hot, that every action is building their own pleasure, that they are getting more and more aroused by arousing us – well, that is the best foreplay! There is something extremely erotic about the circle of pleasure that happens when we really enjoy the foreplay – giving as much as receiving!

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