Those are three words you should never see in a sentence together – sex, toy and nightmares! However, just like anything in life, sometimes accidents or odd things happen, and that can and does include when you are using your sexual enhancement products. Whether you didn’t read a label right or were too caught up in the moment, having any issue other than pleasure with a sex toy is truly a nightmare!
Sometimes the issue is painful, sometimes hilarious, and sometimes you may even end up in the emergency room! Here are just 10 sex toy nightmares that some unsuspecting users encountered.
1. Something is BURNING!
This one I have experienced first-hand and let me assure you, this is definitely a nightmare! Imagine taking your brand new toy out of the packaging, washing it, applying lube and inserting into your vagina only to notice a steadily increasing burning sensation. At first you think it is just a little warm, but then that warmth turns to downright burning through your soul pain! This is what happens when you have an allergy to a material or a lubricant. Your body reacts to this allergen and, sometimes, causes itching or, in my case, pain! Ouch!
2. Simply SHOCKING!
Here is the reason why you need to always check your toys, the cords and such BEFORE you play with them. Some toys of years past (not so much anymore) were electric and had to be plugged into an outlet to play. If the cord is not intact or exposed in any way you could get a wee shock in your private parts! Holy moly! Didn’t see that coming did ya?
3. Anal disappearing act
Why do people not read the instructions that come with their toys? Toys have warnings for a reason so when it says “do not place up the anal canal” or any semblance of a warning that tells you where NOT to use a toy, please listen! Toys that are meant for anal play have a safety stopper or cord whereas vaginal toys do not. This means, if you place a toy that is not meant for anal play up the anal canal you could lose it up there! Nothing like having to go to the ER because your mini vibrator got sucked up your butt!
4. I can’t feel my feet!
Bondage play can be an exhilarating addition to any sex life. Using restraints or any number of cuffs or straps is all the rage now. However, if you are not careful and tie your lover a wee bit too tightly circulation to the appendage can be compromised, resulting in numbness, tingling and, yes, pain. Hence, always be careful when restraining your partner.
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5. Hold the lube!
Lube is a necessary accessory for sex toy play and it is important to use enough. However, what if you use TOO much lube? Imagine yourself all ready to play, you squirt lube onto your toy and grab it to insert and it slips right out of your hand! Perhaps hitting you in the face, catapulting across the room and landing on the floor collecting a bunch of cat hair as it goes! No one will be playing with that toy any time soon.
6. I can’t feel my PENIS!
Scared Man Gif
I think we can all agree that if a man cannot feel his penis that sex is not going to work out really well. This why it is really important to read the user instructions for a cock ring! Cock rings go around the penis and balls and have to be (1) put on the proper way (2) be the right size and (3) NEVER stay on too long! Imagine looking down to see your penis is turning blue and you can’t feel it! Then imagine the pain that will happen when you remove the ring and the blood circulation is returned. Oh man.
7. Size matters!
When it comes to vibrators and dildos there is such a thing as TOO BIG! Yes, the vagina does stretch. Yes, it can take items much larger than you would think. However, if you do not take your time inserting the item and just try to PUSH it in without preparation, well, that tender vaginal skin can RIP and tear! Talk about a nightmare!!! Oh, and for the record, you can tear your anal canal with toys that are too large as well.
8. Pump IT up!
Penis pumps can be really fun and can help a man to increase penis girth and length. However, they are basically hand or battery operated vacuums and if you pump them too much for too long the result can be burst blood vessels in the penis! Talk about a nightmare, having to go to the ER because you over pumped your penis pump! EMBARRASSING!
9. Whip it baby, whip it real….
Whips, floggers and riding crops are making a comeback into the sex scene due to the Fifty Shades of Gray movies. These items can be extremely fun and bring some pain/pleasure into the bedroom. However, they are items that can create some severe pain if they are not used correctly. Imagine bending over sexily, waiting for your lover to gently tap you on your behind with your new flogger. Instead you get searing pain in your ass because he literally whipped you raw! Bruising and breaking skin is an unpleasant side effect of a misused whip or flogger.
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10. Gag me with a ball gag…
Ball gags are all the rage now and are available in all sort of shapes, sizes and even with dildos attached to them. While the idea is to insert the ball gag into the mouth with the dildo facing OUTWARD, in order to pleasure a partner, some people try to use it backwards, placing the dildo into the throat instead. This can create a very sticky predicament since it would be very hard to breathe! Imagine having your partner pass out because you were too stupid to read the instructions and warnings on your ball gag!
Have You Dealt With Any Sex Toy Nightmares? Let Us Know!