Ending a relationship (or being dumped) can be a real ego killer for anyone – male or female. Oftentimes we are left with a lot of questions about “why” or “what did I do” or “am I still attractive / sexy?” Especially if we did not initiate the end of the relationship.
Women, especially, can take all the responsibility onto themselves and we often compartmentalize the relationship into the things we did, could have done, did do or we just jump to the conclusion that we aren’t sexy any longer, which is totally untrue. Or it can be a little simpler and we are just realizing that while we were comfortable with our ex, we now have to eventually explore sex with a NEW person – a person who has not seen us naked or without our make-up.
This can make us feel totally unsexy and, quite frankly, a bit apprehensive about having an intimate relationship again. We want an intimate relationship, but it’s scary to think about putting yourself out there and opening your heart to being vulnerable again. So, how can you do it? How do you feel sexy again after a break-up?
Take All of The Time You Need to Grieve
Relationships take a little time to get over, even if you were the one who called it quits. Bonding and being intimate with another person are emotional and as such when it ends, we need to take the time to grieve that loss. We have to process that the person we thought so much about and felt so connected to is no longer in our lives. The one you always thought to call to share your thoughts, no matter how silly or mundane, the one you called to help you get through a tough time, that person is no longer involved in your life and it takes a lot of getting used to, regardless of who ended the relationship.
On the other hand, you may feel “fine” and like it is no biggie, but oftentimes we only feel this way until we are about to be intimate with a new person, and then we may have conflicting feelings. First we may feel guilt – almost like we are cheating on our ex. This is actually very common. We may miss the way he/ she kissed, touched or made us feel. We may never have felt so sexy and connected before and think we never will feel that way again.
When you are in the grieving state, not much is going to make you feel sexy, so take the time to process, cry, scream. Get all those feelings out, grieve for what was and then know that you will feel that way again but you have to first get over it. Once you feel better, then it’s time to move on.
Separate Your Sex Appeal From The Breakup
It may seem hard, but you have to process the relationship without lumping your sexiness into the end of it. Relationships end for a myriad of reasons, and not usually because one person doesn’t find the other one attractive any longer. Usually the sexiness has nothing to do with it. Relationships end, people move on, and we tend to self-blame and self-analyze. Whomever broke it off may still find the other person irresistibly sexy, but want to move on for other reasons.
While it may be very hard to do, you have to force yourself to separate YOUR sex appeal from the relationship. Even if you find out that your ex has a hot new girlfriend / boyfriend, you have to try and realize that this is not why you broke up, and try and feel confident again. And know that you too will find someone to appreciate that sexiness in you.
No, I am not crazy, I mean it. The more orgasms we have, the more we want. The more we want, the sexier we feel. Sometimes when we are in a relationship we forget about the simple pleasure of masturbation. Masturbation is extremely good for us both physically and emotionally.
Take time to seduce yourself. Feel your body, make yourself feel good. Have as many orgasms as you can. No one knows your body quite like you do. Remember how it feels to feel pleasure and to create your own orgasms. Hormones emitted during orgasms work wonders for our mental health. Yes, really. So, get it on with your bad self!
Bring The Sexy Back
No matter why you are feeling unsexy, this one step will not change. TO feel sexy, you have to do things that are good for you and that will MAKE you feel sexy. There is a lot you can do to help yourself along. Such as:
- F*ck Him, Hit The Gym. Exercise is a natural anti-depressant and taking care of yourself is essential for good health as well as positive self-esteem. Get your body feeling fit, alive, and toned, it will boost your mental health and your physical health. You will feel strong and sexy and happier with yourself. An added bonus will be better physical stamina for when you DO find the new relationship. Exercise is also a natural libido booster! That is right, statistically, the more a person works out, the hornier they get!
- Switch Things Up: Break-ups are a great time for transformation. Create a new you. Get a new hairstyle, let your beard grow out a bit, try different make-up. Switch up your clothes, get some new shoes. Yep, if you are going to be with someone new, then why not feel like someone new!
- Buy Sexy Things For Yourself (Treat Yourself!): Both men and women can find value in a good old fashioned shopping spree! Go and find clothes that make you feel sexy! Then find stuff to wear UNDER the clothes that make you feel sexier! Lingerie or sexy underwear can get you feeling sassy, even if no one else sees them for a while, you’ll know they are there and they’ll help you feel desirable and strong. Have the confidence to wear whatever underwear you want to make you feel sexy!
If You Need External Validation, Go Get It!
You have processed your break-up, you have grieved, and now you are going to get back out there. It sounds scary, but it really isn’t. Remember who you are and what you want. What’s the best way to feel sexy again? To have someone TELL you that you are sexy! Yep, that means dating. Yep, that means putting on your very best – make-up, hair, sexy shoes, hair cut (for the dudes), jeans that make your ass look great, or a shirt that shows off your muscles.
Do all of the above and then go strut your stuff! Guess what? If you feel confident and sexy, other people WILL find you sexy too! Feeling sexy comes from self-confidence, knowing you have lots to offer and the right person will see it in you. Other people WILL want to have sex with you! Other people will eagerly want to take what your ex was so quick to dismiss. Oh yeah, baby, you are sexy and you are going to show it and know it!
Sexy has everything to do with feeling your best, knowing you have a lot to offer, and being confident. Don’t let a breakup take that away from you. Once you have processed it, now go out and be your sassy and sexy self!