Sex is great, right? Of course it is. But sometimes a we just doesn’t have the time or we aren't in the mood, so you have to call it an early night or turn your partner down. Some excuses are honest and reasonable, but depending on the situation, you or your partner might be full of bologna. So, here are 10 common excuses that have been used to get out of sex!
1. "NOT TONIGHT BABY, I HAVE A HEADACHE."
This is number #1 because it’s a classic! Everyone jokes about it! I’m sure many people really do have headaches and therefore prefer a dark, silent room over a sex, but it is also a go-to for anyone who isn't in the mood and doesn't want to offend their partner. Although it’s true the endorphins released during sex can help heal a headache, it’s not instantaneous, and the idea of bashing two bodies together does nothing for throbbing head pain.
2. "OH NO, MY PERIOD STARTED."
This one is specifically for those of you with vaginas. Not everyone is comfortable having sex while menstruating. Not only can it be messy, but the cramps, bloating, and headaches do not make for a particularly sexy evening. Even if you couldn't care less about the mess, the thought may give your partner chills! But if your partner is using this excuse a few times a month, they miiiight be lying.
3. "I HAVEN'T SHOWERED!"
Some people want to be showered and shaved to ensure they are smelling nice and their skin is silky-smooth for sex. Maybe they just came back from a jog and you are turned on by their rank, but they don't really want you to taste their sweaty, salty skin. That’s fair. But if they always uses this excuse, they either have a hygiene problem or may need to adjust their bathing schedule. Offer to hop in the shower with them and scrub their back!
4. "UGH, I'M TOO FULL."
Okay, yeah, bloat and sex aren’t a comfortable combination. But if your partner had a side salad and a breadstick for dinner, they're probably not going to get away with it. If it’s Thanksgiving, you may want to take their excuse to heart and trust that it’s probably for the best that you postpone relations until you both do a little digesting.
5. "I'M NOT IN THE MOOD."
Another classic! Most people need to be in a certain mindset to get excited about sex. If they aren't really not in the mood, it’s like asking for chili and getting a can of beans. There is no BAM, no zest, no spice, and absolutely no interest. This is probably an honest excuse, so if you are really in the mood, you’re going to have to turn them on!
6. "I HAVE A LONG DAY TOMORROW."
They need to save their sexual energy to get through the day! But seriously, if they are pooped and have a long day tomorrow (and you know for a fact that they do), this is reasonable. It stops being reasonable if they decide to stay up for another four hours browsing funny cat photos or playing Solitaire. Busted! Give them something else long and hard to think about.
7. "BUT, THE KIDS!"
If your children are at that age where they are in and out of your room all night and could strike at any moment, this might be a frequent excuse. No one wants to be caught by the kiddo and forced to make up some explanation for your nudity and humping position. But if the cherubs are in bed and sound asleep, you may be able to convince her to just lock the door for a little while. If they need you, they’ll knock, right?
8. "I'M TOO TIRED."
This is my favorite because “I’m tired” is my excuse for everything as it is. When I’m too tired, I’m too tired to do anything. I stand by this excuse and will battle anyone who stands in the way of me and sleep. But if your partner says they're too tired and then goes to a rave or binge-watches a crime series on Netflix, blow the whistle!
9. "STOP IT, I'M BUSY!"
Are they though? You can probably tell right away if they are or are not. If they're performing heart surgery, making a delicate soufflé, or changing the oil in their car, they're probably busy. But if they're doing a puzzle of two nuzzling puppies that they can finish blindfolded or simply lounging on the couch, they may be trying to trick you! I recommend giving them a strip tease to show them what they're missing.
10. "I THINK I'M COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING."
If they're really not feeling well or is coming down with the plague, skip the sex. Pour them a glass of orange juice and make them some soup so they will be in tip-top shape for tomorrow night when you ask again. However, if they say they're getting sick, and has every night for the last month, they just might be full of something other than viral infections. But if you wake up the next day with strep throat, just remember: you knew the risk.