How many of you remember that episode of Sex In The City when Charlotte buys a rabbit vibrator and locks herself in her house for like a week “addicted” to her vibrator? You have heard it before, right: “If you use sex toys you won’t be able to have sex or orgasm without them!” Or “No man can do what a vibrator does so you had better not start using toys or your man will never be enough for you!” Or even women assuring, “I will take my vibrator over a man any day!”
DOES TOY ADDICTION REALLY EXIST?
The answer is: yes AND no. Let me explain.
Addiction has many different definitions, but the gist of it is: when you partake in an activity or substance to the point where you are unable to give up said activity or substance, even when faced with consequences or severe self debasement. In short: you NEED it.
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Addictions usually center around activities or substances that make us feel good, right? Alcohol, smoking, drugs, or even food are all examples of substance addictions. We can also be addicted to behaviors such as exercise, sex, or even pain. When people have an addition to something, they are so drawn to how the activity or substance makes them FEEL that they do it more and more until they can no longer exist without it.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE ADDICTED TO TOYS THEN?
The answer is: not likely.
While it is true that we like to orgasm and sex toys CAN help bring on orgasms more quickly AND more frequently, we as humans thrive on human connection. Vibrators are an enhancement for, not a replacement of, a real relationship. Women who use vibrators are shown to have a MORE satisfying sex life with their partners as well as having some stress release between partners.
Think about sex addiction. Statistically, it is not just the FEELING of sex that causes the addiction, but the thrill of the chase, the gratification of “meaningless” sex, and for many, the connection. It is not just about the orgasm. In fact, of many women who were interviewed regarding sex addiction admitted that it was not about the orgasm, but about filling a void of loneliness through the power of sex. Men admitted it was the chase and the taboo factor. Also, many people who are diagnosed sex addicts had healthy marriages with good sex lives. So, even sex addiction is rarely about “just the sex.”
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The notion that one could become addicted to a toy takes into consideration a lack of real partners, of human connection, or of satisfying sexual connection with another. This is rarely ever going to satisfy a person enough to cause an addiction. It may cause a desire to use a toy to have an orgasm, true, but addiction – no.
Furthermore, no sex toy can replace the real deal. Whether a man or a woman, no toy can replace the feeling and connection of a live partner. Sure, toys are fun – they are meant to be. They make us feel good and oftentimes provide us with sexual release. However, I believe there are few people who would ever choose their vibrator or masturbation sleeve over a real partner – it is just not the same.
CAN A TOY "DESENSITIZE" YOU FOR ACTUAL SEX?
Well, this is another subject but the quick answer is: no. Women are not so possessed by vibrations that that we want our man’s tongue to do exactly what our bullet can do - because the tongue is SO much better! We are smart enough to know that a B.O.B is going to have quicker results – and that is fine when we just want to have a release! We want, more than anything, that human connection. Just like men don’t want to be using your hands every night, women want a real partner. Toys can actually make achieving orgasm WITH a partner easier. So, they are good for your sex life. Honest.
Now, I said in the beginning that there was a yes and no component to addiction. I have given you the ‘no’ so where is the ‘yes’ portion? Am I writing in circles here? No, not at all.
Sensation addiction happens when a person experiences a sensation that is adrenaline releasing – such as something extreme like electro play, anal insertion, or autoerotic asphyxiation. The thrill is so much greater than a standard orgasm that the person is continually trying to “one up” that thrill to find another. It should be noted that males are usually the ones who suffer from sensation addiction. For example, if a man tries anal stimulation and realizes that he will have a very intense orgasm when something is placed in his rectum, he may continually increase the size of the object to get a greater thrill. This is not addiction “to the toy," per se, but the activity, and sensation in and of itself.
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So, if you get your wife a vibrator is she going to lock herself in her room to have countless orgasms and never want to have sex with your again? No. That is not going to happen. She may lock herself in there for a few hours to play, but I assure you, she will want you again and may even want you to help her to play. Sex toy addiction is a concern for many people due to the bad rap that sex toys have gotten over the years, but there is nothing wrong with a little extra in the bedroom. The truth is, sex toys are enhancements, never replacements, and they are fun and healthy experiences to share together.
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