OK guys, surely you didn’t think that I would only discuss the bedroom blunders that WOMEN make, did you? Of course you didn’t – that would be unfair of me! As Part II of my “mistakes in the bedroom” series, it is now time to even the score (not that I am keeping track) and disclose the 5 biggest mistakes that men make in the boudoir! Perhaps you are a confident lover and feel that you have your toe tingling techniques down to a science. Let me assure you, there is always something that you are doing, or have done, that is a no-no for nookie time! So for all you newbies out there looking to satisfy your lovers – or for those of you who are just curious – keep on reading, you may be surprised to find out what you may be doing wrong in bed!
FORGETTING THE FOREPLAY
It is no surprise that when it comes to sex, many men look at the act of penetration as the pinnacle of the evening. Some men even have a systematic routine that gets them from kissing to intercourse in 10 minutes flat – and if it takes less then 10 – double bonus! Perhaps you have experienced this as a woman (or have done this as a man):
10:00 kissing starts
10:00:10 hands are groping for your bra strap
10:01 bra off and hands are pulling and clawing at your breasts
10:01:40 lips are locked on your nipples
10:02 hands are going for your pants zipper
10:02:30 pants or skirt are off
10:03 hands are down your panties and fingers are groping for “the hole”
10:04 he goes down on you not taking time to pleasure you – simply doing his “duty”
10:05 he gets up and removes his pants and boxers
10:05:59 he is thrusting into you with the heat of a rocket ship
10:07:09 he finishes, withdraws and rolls over.
Guys, this is NOT the way to please your woman in bed. Now, while these fast acts of lust and passion can be appreciated occasionally by women – on the whole, we prefer a much slower paced night. In essence, FOREPLAY IS A MUST! Truly, if you spend some time truly connecting with your lover, kissing and caressing her and pleasuring her orally and manually – your experience will be much better. Frustrated Woman In BedWomen need to warm up first, get their engines started a bit. Women are much more likely to climax if they have this warm up time – and believe you me, women LOVE to climax as much as the next GUY. So how do you remedy this? SLOW IT DOWN…..way…..way….way DOOOOWWWWNNN! Instead of going from neck, to chest to oral to sex – think about looking at sex in a new way. If you think about sex as adult play the possibilities are endless for how much pleasure she, and you, can and will receive. Women like kissing, touching, oral sex. Women like to be looked at, admired, and touched in a sensual (and not so forceful) manner. If you take the time to explore and appreciate your lover’s body – and she yours – the two of you will connect on a level that neither of you ever expected was possible! Don’t worry guys – the sex will still come – it will just be on the end of an extremely erotic and satisfying journey from seduction to sex – and your woman will keep coming back for more…and more….and more…..and MORE!!!
While it is not true that ALL women like a softer touch, research has shown that a majority of men touch their lover’s private parts way too hard. In a world where men get NO coaching on how to pleasure their lovers – unless it is from porno videos or Penthouse Magazine – these men end up wandering aimlessly around the female anatomy not knowing HOW to pleasure her. The truth is, women want their men to touch them as they touch themselves. What does this mean? Well, all women have a different masturbatory style – but for a majority (approximately 90%) slower and gentle rules the orgasm. This means that women like to gently touch themselves, going slow and teasing their sacred spots – usually avoiding the clitoris until they are ready to climax. Conversely, men always seem to go right for the hot button – the clitoris – and thereby not allowing their women to become aroused. They tend to push harder and go faster – as they are excited to be touching this woman – and become intent on the result and not so much the process. Then, the woman becomes less aroused and usually cuts the session shorter because she is not being pleasured. So, how do you remedy this? You ASK your lover if the speed, pressure and spot that you are touching is good for her. Ask her if she likes it slower, faster or softer. Listen to her body language if she is unwilling to tell you. See what makes her moan or move her hips. One piece of advice that I can guarantee will render you fantastic results is to touch AROUND the clitoris before you actually touch it.
5 Sexy Things She Wants In Bed
REALLY ROUGH RIDING
Along the same note as fingers that touch to hard – it is important to remember that your thrusting CAN be painful and not pleasurable if you are banging away on her before she is ready or if she is in a bad position. Men seem to think that women like to be “pounded” away on – and while this can be a GOOD thing in many circumstances, it is so important to make sure that your lover is enjoying your extra attention. Be especially cognizant about entering her before she is properly lubricated! It can be EXTREMELY painful if your man starts pounding away inside you without lubrication. Not all women lubricate the same, or as quickly as others – so keep that in mind and make sure she is ready to handle what you are giving her! If you are sensitive to what SHE likes, you both will have a much more pleasurable time. If you have the desire to pump faster – just as her or begin to and see what her response is. The main rule is – start slow – then increase tempo – it gives both of you a chance to get into the love groove!
INAPPROPRIATE ORAL ETIQUETTE
Most women are more than happy to give you oral loving – and in fact, this is an expected and enjoyable part of foreplay for most women. However, the way to insure that SHE is enjoying it as much as YOU are is to observe a few oral etiquette rules. First and foremost, NEVER, EVER force her head down onto your penis! This means not to force her head down TO your penis – as in a silent cue of what you expect. You can tell her you would love her to give you oral pleasure and let HER get around to it. Also, if she is licking around your penis and you know she is about to go down on you – do NOT get anxious and push her head onto your penis! I do not care how excited you are that you are about to get a blowjob – rushing her and forcing her onto your penis is NOT the way to begin! This is the quickest way to ensure that she will be turned off so let her go at her own pace.
Second, when she is going down on you there are ways you need to behave. Women like to have their hair or face stroked when they are polishing your knob. It lets them know that you love what they are doing and that you are watching them from above. What most women do NOT like is when you grab their hair and start bouncing their head up and down on your cock. If you want her to go faster or deeper – ask her. Nothing wrong with men or women telling their lovers what works for them. There are some women who prefer having their hair pulled and their heads held during oral sex. Do not assume that your woman is one of these women. Discuss this with her in a non-sexual setting and see if it is OK that you do this the next time around – and ALWAYS respect her wishes.
Third, while many men enjoy having their partner deepthroat them, this is not easy or pleasurable for some women. Some women just can't do it. This can gag her and she could vomit on you. Or, she could think you're too rough and be totally turned off! The golden rule of deepthroating is that your woman is in control of it. Another one of the biggest oral sex no-no’s is to cum in your lover’s mouth or on her FACE without asking her if it is OK. Established lovers already have this “to cum, or not to cum” rule ironed out, but for new lovers – figure it out. The problem is, where do you cum if you are about to blow? While some women like the stomach or chest – others prefer you do it in a towel. Many women do not want to swallow – and that is their personal choice! Basically, before you dump your load, find out if she will swallow or where she wants your “deposit.” If you are in the moment, just say to her, “Honey, I am about to cum.” It is then in her hands to decide where she wants you to cum. If she wants to swallow, she will continue to suck – and if she doesn’t, she most likely will take it out of her mouth and finish you with a handy. Always, ALWAYS her choice. Period!
THINKING PORNOS ARE BASED ON REAL LIFE!
Many men are unfortunate to have learned their sexual techniques through the viewing of adult cinema. This is unfortunate because this is NOT real life! Pornos are interesting as long as you are looking at them as adult entertainment and not educational tools. Pornos have their place, and I am an advocate for adult education, but I do not think that any man who approached his lover like she was a porn star ever had success in the bedroom! What does this mean? Well, most women will not show up at your door wearing sexy lingerie and ask you to “fill them to the brim” with “him.” Instead, women are intimate, erotic beings that require a little more warm-up than is usually afforded in a porno film. While we may like sexy lingerie and seducing our men, most women want more seduction than a porno film may demonstrate. SO, if you are expecting your lover to give it up like the women in porn, forget it and start seeing her as a real person. Or, perhaps you are misinformed enough to think that ALL women like the things that porno actresses like. You know, double penetration, lots of oral for YOU and none or little for HER, talking dirty, spanking, tying or other extreme sexual practices, bad improper oral, threesomes, lesbian sex or that she is always going to be hot and ready.
If you learn anything from this article please learn that women are complex. Women have various degrees of eroticism and are open to countless different kinds of sex if you talk about it first. Some women like kinky sex, some don't; some like oral, don't. Now, while I firmly believe that experimenting with new things is a wonderful way to get couples closer together, this is an individual decision between each couple. Never assume that what your current lover likes will be what you like. Talk, discuss, be open with each other. For many men, anal sex is one of the biggest turn-ons there is. Many women also enjoy the practice of anal sex and this number is increasing exponentially every year. However, one of the quickest ways to get forced out of bed is to have ‘accidental anal’ with your lover. There is no way to “slip” into the wrong hole! Anal sex can be EXTREMELY satisfying for both partners – if they are ready and prepared to do so. The rectum has no natural lubrication so forcing your penis into her rectum can be EXTREMELY painful! The sensitive lining of the anal canal can rip and cause bleeding and pain. One of the fastest ways to destroy a relationship is to coerce your partner into anything – and anal sex is a BIG thing to force. No to mention, if her first experience with anal sex isn't a good experience she will likely never want to try again. Making sure everything is consensual is ESSENTIAL. Just because you are already having sex does not mean you have the right to try other sexual acts on your partner you haven't previously discussed. Be sensitive to her fears and concerns when it comes to anal sex. Get educated and be prepared for the time when you will have anal intercourse. DO NOT EVER force or try to slip yourself into her rectum when she is not ready!
While these are just some of the major offenses that men make in the bedroom it is important to note that women have an overall different view of sex than most men do. While I think that men should be sensitive to that difference, I also think that in the quest for a happy, sexual relationship that women should be AS cognizant of a man’s likes and dislikes in bed. It is a give and take dichotomy, and too much of either makes for an unhappy sex life. Along the same lines of what separates men from women when it comes to sex, one difference is always brought up to me – the “cuddle factor.” Women tend to like to talk, cuddle and be close after sex – men, well, men seem to like to go to sleep. While this is not necessarily a sexual mistake (more like genetic DNA) – it is something that many women find very offensive. Take a few moments to cuddle or to talk to your lover before you go running to the bathroom. Bask in the glow of YOUR moment. Realize the happiness that this brings to her – and you may become more sensitive to how she thinks and feels. For many women, how you act AFTER sex can be more important than what you DO DURING sex! So, to sum up the top 5 Mistakes – remember to GO SLOW with your lover, take time to touch her, feel her, caress her – have some FOREPLAY that heats both of you up to the boiling point, NEVER FORCE her into anything – be it oral sex or anal sex – be considerate of her preferences and try to honor her choices. Do not think that LIFE is LIKE a PORNO – women are not porno actresses (although some may seem to be) so think like a MAN, not like a porno director. Connect with your lover, be with your lover, have ADULT PLAY time and both of you will be glowing with the aftermath of an extremely pleasurable experience! Now go forth into the world my students and make me PROUD!
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