The Proper Way To Have Casual Sex
Casual sex has been an important part of people’s sexual lives for as long as sex has been happening. However, with the advent of social media, online dating, and a multitude of sexual hook up sites like Tinder, Adult Friend Finder, Bumble, Craigslist Hook-up and online dating sites like POF and OKCupid – casual sex is at a whole, new high. While there are still people looking for a long-term relationship, the truth is casual sex has become the new “normal” and is more prevalent than one would think. This begs the question: is there a proper way to have casual sex? Well, there may not be any one definitive answer to that question but there certainly are ways to have safer and better casual sex.
BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING
Before you can even begin to contemplate having casual sex you have to be absolutely honest with yourself about whether this is what you are looking for in a relationship. Especially since casual sex is not really a relationship. Casual sex is, well, casual and doesn’t have the likelihood of becoming a serious relationship most of the times. So, if you are hoping that having casual sex with someone whom you really like is going to make him or her fall in love with you, then you are not really looking at what you are doing realistically. Even though it does happen, you cannot and should not go into a casual sex relationship thinking it will be more than just sex.
LEAVE THE EMOTIONS OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM
This is not to suggest that you can’t have a certain amount of emotional responses with casual sex, you are not a robot. You can enjoy the casual sex and the engagement with your partner. You can enjoy the experience, have fun and feel a sort of connection to your partner. What you can’t or shouldn’t do, however, is to allow yourself to become attached emotionally to that person in any deep way. Casual sex is fun and exciting, it is not the path to a deep emotional attachment. No love. No relationship talk. No long nights gazing into each other’s eyes. IT is sex. Good sex. Fun sex.
DON’T SWIM IN THE SAME POOL TOO OFTEN
Casual sex can be with one partner, or multiple partners. It can be full of variety, or you can use the same partner to scratch that sexual itch. However, if you are looking for the same partner to continually scratch that itch then you are looking for a relationship not casual sex and you should probably start evaluating whether you are swimming in the same pool too often. The most successful casual sex arrangements are scarce, not regular, and usually involve more than one partner to avoid any exclusivity.
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BE PREPARED FOR IT TO END
Casual sex is not a sustainable relationship, often because one person will develop feelings when the other will not. This creates an untenable situation where the sex becomes less pleasurable and more complex, which is the opposite of casual. You cannot go into any casual sex relationship thinking it will be forever, and if you do, you are destined to be hurt. Casual sex relationships are fun, stress free, non-committal and easy going. Once you start to have feelings of permanence, things go downhill fast.
USE ONLINE RESOURCES
If you are sure you are prepared to have a casual sex encounter then you will need a place to find a suitable partner. This is where the online resources such as Tinder, Bumble, Adult Friend Finder and the like are your best ally. The most important thing to remember about these sites is that you are likely to find a few good prospects among a bunch of undesirable ones. There is a giant difference between a casual sex partner and a deviant. You need to make sure that you find someone who is understanding of the set-up of a casual sex relationship without being disrespectful. Both women and men can take this stance, but it is probably better that a woman err on the side of caution as not to place herself in a dangerous situation.
Sites like Tinder allow you to pick possible matches based on looks and very little biographical information, Craigslist Hook-Ups is likely more risky and has a reputation for being sleazy, Adult Friend Finder is exclusively for sexual hook-ups. These sites are only tools, and you should treat them as such. Never meet someone right away without getting a sense of who they are. Never release personal information too quickly. While the idea is to have a casual hook-up, you need to be safe first and foremost and not let the hormones or the excitement take away the prudence for protecting yourself. If you are going to meet someone, ALWAYS tell a friend where you are going and who you are meeting. No reason to be afraid, but always err of the side of caution. Don’t feel pressured to have sex if something seems off. Use your common sense and best judgment. Casual sex is fun and adventurous, but can turn ugly and scary quickly if you are not careful.
BE SEXUALLY SAFE
Just because something is casual doesn’t mean you have to jump right in without getting a sense of the potential partner’s STD status. Most people who are serious about casual sex get tested regularly and should have proof of this. Also, NO sex of any kind should happen without protection. This means condoms AND dental dams for ALL oral sex and regular sex. If the partner you are contemplating will not use a condom – WALK AWAY. Trust in sex takes time and because of the overall rush of casual sex hook ups most people tend to take dangerous short-cuts. Do not be swayed to release your common sense just because you are horny. Protect yourself – even if that means that you will have to use a condom or avoid some sexual play. No person who is truly honorable will balk at the use of protection.
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