Our Best Tips For Vagina-Owners Who Struggle to Reach Orgasm

Sensual picture of woman lying on bed in white lingerie touching herself
Do you think that every woman has orgasms? Would it surprise you to know that 1 in 3 sexually active women have never had an orgasm and up to 30% of women cannot orgasm through just penetration?

The truth is, sometimes vagina-owners need a little extra help figuring out how to achieve their orgasm, and others, well, they have never even had one. For some it just truly is (more often than not) more complicated than it is for others to reach orgasm. So, if you are someone who is struggling to reach that orgasm, let’s try to break your No-O cycle, shall we?

Remember, Everyone Is Different

It should be no surprise that the female orgasm is also a very complex psychological, physiological, and physical experience. A vagina-owners orgasm involves the brain AND the erogenous zones (mainly, the clitoris).

Here is how the orgasm works, as described by Nicole Beland, MD: “that warm, sexy rush you feel during foreplay is the result of blood heading straight to your vagina and clitoris. Around this time, the walls of the vagina start to secrete beads of lubrication that eventually get bigger and flow together. As you become more turned on, blood continues to flood to the pelvic area, breathing speeds up, her heart increases, nipples become erect, and the lower part of the vagina narrows in order to grip the penis while the upper part expands to give it someplace to go. If all goes well . . . an incredible amount of nerve and muscle tension builds up in the genitals, pelvis, buttocks and thighs – until your body involuntarily releases it all at once in a series of intensely pleasurable waves, aka your orgasm. The big bang is the movement when the uterus, vagina, and, anus contract simultaneously at 0.8 second intervals. A small orgasm may consist of three to five contractions; a biggie, 10-15.”

So, what happens when during this chain of events you start thinking about the next day’s responsibilities? Or, if your partner changes the pace, just slightly, and the pleasing feelings die down? Yep, you got it – the orgasm goes away. A lot of people HAVE to have brain involvement to orgasm.

Try Your Best To Relax

In order to get your brain on the same level as your body, you need to take steps to encourage relaxation and therefore leave room for an orgasm to occur. Here are some suggestions:

  • Designated sex time. Make the time you set out for sexual purposes a time when you have no other responsibilities during or AFTER this time. Why after? If you are squeezing sex in before having to pick up your daughter from violin practice then you are not going to be relaxing, but instead watching the clock.
  • Don’t have sex under pressure. If your partner is interested in sex, but you are TOTALLY not for whatever reason, you will not be able to have a sexual release. If you have had a fight and you are still angry- not the right time. If you are having sex just because it has been 2 weeks – not the right time.
  • Create a relaxing environment. If your bed is full of unfolded clothes or full of papers for work, you are not going to relax. Make the location where you will have sex a place that imbibes romance. Light candles, play music, create ambiance. This sets up the mind to feel romanced.
  • Take a bath. Warm water, gentle candlelight, bath salts – all of this releases tension and increases the chance of relaxing. You can do this before sex/masturbation, or you can take that sexual adventure into the bathtub with you.

Don't Be Afraid To Use A Vibrator

If you are having trouble reaching orgasm via the natural methods (fingers, tongue, etc.) and you notice that you get close (the pleasure builds but never “explodes”) then you may want to try some little buzzing buddies for assistance. If you are toy resistant, try to be more open minded about it and start with a small vibrator. Mini vibrators are wonderful little items to add a little intensity to your playtime. You can use them solo or have your partner assist you, but the intense vibration of the bullet can provide double the stimulation (or more) than fingers or tongue alone. Then, once you get over the cusp and have the climax, it will be easier to achieve subsequent orgasms.

Recommended Vibrator: #1 Best-Selling Vibrating Silver Bullet

Face The Fear

As odd as this sounds, orgasms can be frightening for some women. The pleasure that occurs right before the orgasm can be nearly painful for some women, so going beyond initial arousal to orgasm can be frightening. While this happens more in younger females, not conquering the fear can last for a woman’s entire life. Women who tend to have intense orgasms are also more likely to stop before the pleasure cusp is reached. So, how do you face the fear of pleasure? Try these suggestions:

  • Go solo. Try to achieve an orgasm by yourself while masturbating before trying with a partner. This lowers the chance of feeling any type of pressure. Even if your partner isn't pressuring you, you might still naturally just feel pressure. 
  • Take it slowly. Let the pleasure gently grow, don't rush this. Take your time and embrace all the sensations. Let your body fall slowly over the edge. If you can, set aside an hour or so to just be with yourself. Don't pressure yourself to even have an orgasm, just do what feels good and see where it takes you.
  • Do not stop. When you feel the pleasure increasing to a level that is frightening for you, you can slow things down a bit but don't stop completely. I promise, the release you experience won't be painful. I know it might be scary, but keep going. You've got this.
  • Be patient. It takes time to break through any type of mental block. So, be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. You're taking steps to work through this, so just be proud of that and how far you've come already - even if you didn't cum.

Get In Touch With Yourself, Literally

Statistically, vagina-owners who masturbate achieve orgasm much more easily. This is because they are in-tune with what their bodies need to become fully aroused. All vagina-owners react differently to touch and as a result, they need to explore themselves to find out what it is that gets them going. Then, they need to pass on that information to their partners. Experimenting with different pressures, speeds, directions or places on the body can really increase someone's chance of finally having an orgasm.

Last But Not Least, Exercise

Are you curious as to how exercise can increase the chance of orgasm? Exercise is a wondrous activity. Not only does it keep us healthy, but it also acts as a natural anti-depressant, increases blood flow to all parts of the body, increases libido, makes you more flexible, and overall helps a person feel more relaxed. Regular exercise is proven to only help in the area of all things sex, so if you are unable to orgasm, maybe take up yoga or jogging.

If You've Got Any Orgasm Tips Of Your Own, Leave Them Below In The Comments!


  • Beek43

    My problem is I can’t get “regular vag orgasims”. With my ex husband, who was kinda on the larger size, which I didn’t realize till after the divorce, if he hit my back wall just right I could cum. I’m literally a clit person, have bullet and suckers. I’ve never squirted, but have men who have tried. What can I do besides try to relax, it’s really hard

  • Doug Imhoff

    I am new to this web site but my new wife and are looking for advice from your 50+ people. We both have back and knee problems and are looking for advice on sex position that we can do we both are very sexually active and use toys…but want the personnel tender love sometimes!!!

  • Kinky Curmudgeon

    Allow a trusted partner to put you in restraints. Tell him what you like or feels good but also let him experiment for your reactions. Forget the safe words. Agree that you can’t make him stop the stimulation no matter what you say or do. Just relax and experience whatever happens. Since you are not in control, there should be no feeling of guilt. He can get you past the fear and what might briefly seem like pain. Pulling against restraints can heighten your orgasm. This can be especially helpful for women who have had what I call an incomplete orgasm or not experienced multiple orgasms. There can be some real discomfort in pushing beyond what you may think is the end of your orgasm. Some call it post orgasm torture. But, it can pay off with feelings of complete satisfaction, exhaustion and intimacy. It’s time for him to untie you, kiss your smile and let you sleep. Next time, he gets tied to the bed and you get even.

  • Dan

    My wife and I have been married more than 40 years . After she reached her forties she naturally lost interest [ not totally ] in serious sex , we would have mercy sex [ we have to do it ] . Her natural stimulation and lubrication just wasn’t there , and it was painful for her to have intercourse . With my encouragement I convinced her to read about ways to fix her problem . Come to find out ,her chemistry was way out of whack . She had the PELLET treatment done and WOW . The first couple months were totally of the charts . We had sex every day [ sometimes twice a day ] . She finally shunned some of her hang ups, like sex is a duty and dirty to " GIVE ME MORE " . A lot changed over the first year , I bought her her first clitoris sucking toy and we went to an all new level again . We hit another milestone a couple months ago , we were in the foreplay mode when I noticed how wet she was , even her outer vagina was soaked . For some reason ,I wanted to try to make her squirt . I knew what I had to do, but I was unsure if she would accept the rather fast , almost violent finger thrusting . It was the first time I could feel her G-SPOT , that spongy dime size area just inside her . I could tell she was feeling something she has not felt before . After a few minutes ,she was tensing up and grabbing my arm when it happened . I could feel the wetness on my hand , witch I never felt before , then it happened , she went into a state that I have never seen a woman in before ,and when it happened , she started squirting everywhere . It has been a wonderful journey . Thank you

  • Raquelle

    I had problems reaching a complete “O” until my husband bought the Paris Clit vibe. He starts on low and then I tell him when to go to medium and before I ask him to go to high he inserts two fingers and massages my G-Spot. It only takes me 5 minutes before I reach the first one and then I get on top and ride myself to 2 to 3 more BIG O’s! Toys are a great thing for any couple, you can take my word on it!

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