What To Do If You Can't Orgasm

Do you think that every woman has orgasms? Are you one of the lucky ladies who can easily achieve her climax? Would it surprise you to know that 1 in 3 sexually active women have never had an orgasm and up to 30% of women cannot orgasm through penetration! The truth is, sometimes women need a little more help figuring out how to achieve their orgasm and others, well, they have never even had one or THINK that they have had one and haven’t. So, if you are one of the orgasm resistant let’s try to break your No-O cycle, shall we?

This is not a joke, but women are complex creatures. We tend to over-analyze everything, constantly multi-task, and we will put ourselves last in almost any situation. It should be no surprise that the female orgasm is also a very complex psychological, physiological and physical experience. A woman’s orgasm involves her brain AND her erogenous zones (mainly, her clitoris).

Here is how the orgasm works, as described by Nicole Beland, MD: “that warm, sexy rush you feel during foreplay is the result of blood heading straight to your vagina and clitoris. Around this time, the walls of the vagina start to secrete beads of lubrication that eventually get bigger and flow together. As you become more turned on, blood continues to flood to the pelvic area, breathing speeds up, her heart increases, nipples become erect, and the lower part of the vagina narrows in order to grip the penis while the upper part expands to give it some place to go. If all goes well . . . an incredible amount of nerve and muscle tension builds up in the genitals, pelvis, buttocks and thighs – until your body involuntarily releases it all at once in a series of intensely pleasurable waves, aka your orgasm. The big bang is the movement when the uterus, vagina, and anus contract simultaneously at 0.8 second intervals. A small orgasm may consist of three to five contractions; a biggie, 10-15.”

So, what happens when during this chain of events you start thinking about the next day’s responsibilities? Or, if he changes the pace, just slightly, and the pleasing feelings dies down? Or, heaven forbid, a child knocks on the door? Yep, you got it – the orgasm goes away. Women HAVE to have brain involvement to orgasm most of the time. It is how we are built.

Check Out Our Guide To Having Different Types Of Orgasms!

So, since we can all agree that women are complex, we can also agree that the first step to overcoming our over-complex, over-thinking selves is to confront the complexity. How do we do that? Well, we take steps to encourage relaxation and therefore leave room for orgasm to occur. Here are some suggestions:

• Designated sex time. Make the time you set out for sexual purpose a time when you have no other responsibilities during or AFTER this time. Why after? If you are squeezing sex in before having to pick up your daughter from violin practice then you are not going to be relaxing, but instead watching the clock.

• Don’t have sex under pressure. If your partner is interested in sex, but you are TOTALLY not for whatever reason, you will not be able to have a sexual release. If you have had a fight and you are still angry- not the right time. If you are having it just because it has been 2 weeks – not the right time.

• Create a relaxing environment. If your bed is full of unfolded clothes or full of papers for work, you are not going to relax. Make the location where you will have sex a place that imbibes romance. Light candles, play music, create ambiance. This sets up the mind to feel romanced.

• Take a bath. Warm water, gentle candlelight, bath salts – all of this releases tension and increases the chance of relaxing.

If you are having trouble reaching orgasm via the natural methods (fingers, tongue, penis) and you notice that you get close (the pleasure builds but never “explodes”) then you may want to try some little buzzing buddies for assistance. If you are toy resistant – don’t be – Mini Vibrators are wonderful little items to add a little intensity to your playtime. You can use them solo or have your partner assist you, but the intense vibration of the Bullet can provide double the stimulation (or more) than fingers or tongue alone. Then, once you get over the cusp and have the climax, it will be easier to achieve subsequent orgasms.

Recommended Product: My First Silver Bullet

As odd as this sounds, orgasm can be a frightening even for some women. The pleasure that occurs is nearly painful to some women, so going beyond initial arousal to orgasm can be frightening. While this happens more in younger females, not conquering the fear can last for a woman’s entire life. Women who tend to have intense orgasms are also more likely to stop before the pleasure cusp is reached. So, how do you face the fear of the pleasure?

• Understand your complexity: Follow the instructions for confronting complexity.

• Go solo. Try to achieve orgasm solo before trying with a partner. This lowers the chance of feeling pressured.

• Take it slowly. Let the pleasure gently grow. Embrace all the sensations. Let your body fall slowly over the edge.

• Do not stop. When you feel the pleasure increasing to a level that is frightening, slow down but do not stop.

• Be patient. It takes time to break through any type of mind block.

Learn EVERYTHING About Orgasms- Click Here!

Statistically, women who masturbate achieve orgasm much more easily. This is because they are in-tuned to what their bodies need to become full aroused. All women react differently to touch and as a result they need to explore themselves to find out what it is that gets them going. Then, they need to pass on that information to their partners. Experimenting with different pressures, speeds, directions or places on the body can really increase a woman’s chance of finally having an orgasm.

Are you curious as to how exercise can increase the chance of orgasm? Exercise is a wondrous activity. Not only does it keep us healthy, it also acts as a natural anti-depressant, increases blood flow to all parts of the body, increases libido, makes you more flexible and overall helps a person feel more relaxed. Regular exercise is proven to only help in the area of all things sex, so if you are unable to orgasm, maybe take up yoga or jogging.

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