The truth is, sometimes vagina-owners need a little extra help figuring out how to achieve their orgasm, and others, well, they have never even had one. For some it just truly is (more often than not) more complicated than it is for others to reach orgasm. So, if you are someone who is struggling to reach that orgasm, let’s try to break your No-O cycle, shall we?
Remember, Everyone Is Different
It should be no surprise that the female orgasm is also a very complex psychological, physiological, and physical experience. A vagina-owners orgasm involves the brain AND the erogenous zones (mainly, the clitoris).
Here is how the orgasm works, as described by Nicole Beland, MD: “that warm, sexy rush you feel during foreplay is the result of blood heading straight to your vagina and clitoris. Around this time, the walls of the vagina start to secrete beads of lubrication that eventually get bigger and flow together. As you become more turned on, blood continues to flood to the pelvic area, breathing speeds up, her heart increases, nipples become erect, and the lower part of the vagina narrows in order to grip the penis while the upper part expands to give it someplace to go. If all goes well . . . an incredible amount of nerve and muscle tension builds up in the genitals, pelvis, buttocks and thighs – until your body involuntarily releases it all at once in a series of intensely pleasurable waves, aka your orgasm. The big bang is the movement when the uterus, vagina, and, anus contract simultaneously at 0.8 second intervals. A small orgasm may consist of three to five contractions; a biggie, 10-15.”
So, what happens when during this chain of events you start thinking about the next day’s responsibilities? Or, if your partner changes the pace, just slightly, and the pleasing feelings die down? Yep, you got it – the orgasm goes away. A lot of people HAVE to have brain involvement to orgasm.
Try Your Best To Relax
In order to get your brain on the same level as your body, you need to take steps to encourage relaxation and therefore leave room for an orgasm to occur. Here are some suggestions:
- Designated sex time. Make the time you set out for sexual purposes a time when you have no other responsibilities during or AFTER this time. Why after? If you are squeezing sex in before having to pick up your daughter from violin practice then you are not going to be relaxing, but instead watching the clock.
- Don’t have sex under pressure. If your partner is interested in sex, but you are TOTALLY not for whatever reason, you will not be able to have a sexual release. If you have had a fight and you are still angry- not the right time. If you are having sex just because it has been 2 weeks – not the right time.
- Create a relaxing environment. If your bed is full of unfolded clothes or full of papers for work, you are not going to relax. Make the location where you will have sex a place that imbibes romance. Light candles, play music, create ambiance. This sets up the mind to feel romanced.
- Take a bath. Warm water, gentle candlelight, bath salts – all of this releases tension and increases the chance of relaxing. You can do this before sex/masturbation, or you can take that sexual adventure into the bathtub with you.
Don't Be Afraid To Use A Vibrator
If you are having trouble reaching orgasm via the natural methods (fingers, tongue, etc.) and you notice that you get close (the pleasure builds but never “explodes”) then you may want to try some little buzzing buddies for assistance. If you are toy resistant, try to be more open minded about it and start with a small vibrator. Mini vibrators are wonderful little items to add a little intensity to your playtime. You can use them solo or have your partner assist you, but the intense vibration of the bullet can provide double the stimulation (or more) than fingers or tongue alone. Then, once you get over the cusp and have the climax, it will be easier to achieve subsequent orgasms.
Face The Fear
As odd as this sounds, orgasms can be frightening for some women. The pleasure that occurs right before the orgasm can be nearly painful for some women, so going beyond initial arousal to orgasm can be frightening. While this happens more in younger females, not conquering the fear can last for a woman’s entire life. Women who tend to have intense orgasms are also more likely to stop before the pleasure cusp is reached. So, how do you face the fear of pleasure? Try these suggestions:
- Go solo. Try to achieve an orgasm by yourself while masturbating before trying with a partner. This lowers the chance of feeling any type of pressure. Even if your partner isn't pressuring you, you might still naturally just feel pressure.
- Take it slowly. Let the pleasure gently grow, don't rush this. Take your time and embrace all the sensations. Let your body fall slowly over the edge. If you can, set aside an hour or so to just be with yourself. Don't pressure yourself to even have an orgasm, just do what feels good and see where it takes you.
- Do not stop. When you feel the pleasure increasing to a level that is frightening for you, you can slow things down a bit but don't stop completely. I promise, the release you experience won't be painful. I know it might be scary, but keep going. You've got this.
- Be patient. It takes time to break through any type of mental block. So, be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. You're taking steps to work through this, so just be proud of that and how far you've come already - even if you didn't cum.
Get In Touch With Yourself, Literally
Statistically, vagina-owners who masturbate achieve orgasm much more easily. This is because they are in-tune with what their bodies need to become fully aroused. All vagina-owners react differently to touch and as a result, they need to explore themselves to find out what it is that gets them going. Then, they need to pass on that information to their partners. Experimenting with different pressures, speeds, directions or places on the body can really increase someone's chance of finally having an orgasm.
Last But Not Least, Exercise
Are you curious as to how exercise can increase the chance of orgasm? Exercise is a wondrous activity. Not only does it keep us healthy, but it also acts as a natural anti-depressant, increases blood flow to all parts of the body, increases libido, makes you more flexible, and overall helps a person feel more relaxed. Regular exercise is proven to only help in the area of all things sex, so if you are unable to orgasm, maybe take up yoga or jogging.