Navigating Sex On A Dating Site
How do people date nowadays? They go onto a website like Tinder, Bumble, POF, OKCupid or Match.com, look at pictures of eligible (hopefully single) people, they swipe left, swipe right, send a little wave, or send a message and then hope for the best. The replies come back, small talk ensues, and then it happens, “Would you like to meet for a drink?” While this possibility is thrilling and you are already planning what you are going to wear, for many people who are riding on this new express lane super highway to dating, this means one thing – SEX. Our dating site culture has sped up the courting to sex timeline considerably, and for some people this is just fine, but for others, it is too fast. Where do you fall on the spectrum?
THE FASTER THE BETTER
Perhaps you are one of the “faster the better” crowd and believe that sex happens as soon as the sparks start to fly. You relish that instant crush feeling and can’t wait to get down and dirty with the new hottie! This is why the year 2016 was deemed “the hook-up culture” year, because dating sites were at an all-time high and sexual hook-ups were at a high with them! So, if you fall into this category, what do you need to know about sex on dating sites:
• Never feel pressured. Just because the guy you are about to meet wants sex, doesn’t mean you have to have sex. Do it for you, when YOU are ready
• Always protect yourself. This means carrying the condoms and USING the condoms! Make sure you are as protected as possible. You may have only one shot at avoiding a sexually transmitted disease, so pack that condom (or a few)
• Try to get STD information, like current test results.
• Do not put yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Even if you are planning on having sex, make sure that you do it in an environment you can control, where you have options to get away or get help if you need to. It is a scary world out there so we need to take precautions.
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TAKING YOUR TIME
Some people are not in any rush to start a sexual relationship, and they may find themselves confronted with people who DO want to rush into sex – or at least go faster than they would like. How do you navigate this? We are both fortunate and unfortunate that dating sites have so many people on them. Fortunate because we can take our time and hopefully find someone who is a right fit for us. Unfortunate because there are so many people out there that we tend to rush through the dating process and are much quicker to dismiss someone to look for someone else. So, how do you handle the pressure that can come from some perspective partners to have sex, especially when you know that they may not wait?:
• Stand firm with your decisions no matter what. Do not change your desire to go slowly.
• Realize that anyone who will push you into sex or dump you for not having sex is not the right person for you. They do not respect you or your decision.
• Understand that there are other people out there that you may meet and if one person is not the right one, there are more.
• Allow yourself time to feel uncomfortable, and never have sex until you are completely sure it is what you want.
GETTING OVER A BAD EXPERIENCE
It has happened to both men and women, you meet that one that you really like, you think he or she is great and you look forward to seeing them again. You find out, disappointingly, that they do not want to see you again because you didn’t want to bang on the first meet. You are really bummed and, maybe, a bit confused. You thought that they felt the connection too, and it is upsetting that they do not understand this. Perhaps they were not very nice in giving you the notice either, calling you a “prude” or a “tease” or suggesting you can’t get it up. Yes, this happens. It is sad, truly. So, how do you get over this? You realize that the person was NOT your match. You block them and move on. You stick to your guns and find the right person. That person who will like you and respect you and be patient for you. You do not allow one bad apple to spoil the bushel. You dust yourself off and try again. Someone is out there for you, and you will find him or her. Be patient.
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