How do people date these days? Well, it’s all about the dating apps! Dating apps are on all of our devices and cater to nearly every personality type and region worldwide. We have the option to download dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, POF, OkCupid, or Match.com, browse through the thousands of profiles and photos of other singles (and sometimes secretly taken types that we want to avoid). We swipe left, swipe right, send a little wave and wink, or send a short introductory message and then hope for the best.
The replies occasionally come back with a match, and this is when the ice-breaking chit-chat about music and movie streaming preferences plays out... and then it happens. The message you both have been looking for, “Would you like to meet for a drink?” And all of this can play out in the short span of one single day. Of course, it’s not always that fast, but that’s the general idea of using dating apps - speeding up the meeting and dating process to save precious time.
While the possibilities that dating apps can bring are thoroughly thrilling, and you might already be planning what you will wear for the ‘first meet-up,” - it is important to remember that not everyone moves at the same speed when it comes to romance or pleasure.
Today’s dating app culture has transformed the courting to sex timeline considerably, and for some people, this is just fine, but for others, it can feel entirely too fast. That's why we put this guide together, so you can know that however you're feeling, you're not alone. Read on to learn more about navigating the dating apps, specifically when to have sex and how to deal with a date gone wrong.
Frisky First Dates
This speedy approach is perfect for those of you that believe sex can and should happen as soon as the sparks start to fly. You relish that instant electric connection type feeling and can’t wait to get down and dirty with your date! You know what you want, especially when it’s already right in front of you and you aren’t afraid to get it right off the bat. But, there are some vital dating app and sex safety tips you should know about. Frisky business can often be a bit of a risky business after all.
So, if you fall into this full-speed-ahead dating category, what do you need to know about sex on dating sites? Check out these talking points about consent, sexually transmitted disease/infection (STD/STI) protection, and safe dating.
- Don’t tolerate being pressured into being sexual with someone - just because the person you are about to meet wants sex doesn’t mean you have to have sex.
- Never pressure anyone that isn’t ready to be sexual. Sex should always be mutually consented to.
- Always protect yourself. Protecting yourself means carrying the condoms and USING the condoms! Ensure you are active in offering protection every time you’re sexually active - just to be on the safe side.
- Get tested regularly for STDs.
- Do not put yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Even if you are planning on having sex, make sure that you do it in an environment you can control, where you have options to get away or get help if you need it.
Taking Your Time
When you’re not so ready to jump right into bed but do want to work up to it eventually - dating apps are still a great option. Some folks prefer to take things a little slower to start up a sexual relationship with someone new. We all move at our own paces. However, this group may find themselves confronted with people who DO want to rush into sex – or at least get into a shared bed faster than you would like. How do you navigate this?
We are both fortunate and unfortunate that dating sites have so many people on them. Lucky because we can take our time and hopefully find someone who is the right fit for us. It is also unfortunate because there are so many people out there that it can be incredibly overwhelming for - and somehow underwhelming at the same time.
So, how do you handle the pressure that can come from some perspective partners to have sex, especially when you know that they may not wait?
- Stand firm with your decision - you have every right to keep your body to yourself until you want to be sexual.
- Realize that anyone who will push you into sex or dump you for not having sex is not the right person for you. They do not respect you or your decision.
- Understand that there are other people out there that you may meet, and if one person is not the right one, there are more.
- Allow yourself time to feel comfortable with the new potential partner, and never have sex until you are entirely sure it is what you want.
Getting Over a Bad Experience
You might feel like it’s a blow to your confidence and self-esteem, or maybe feeling a bit confused if you get ghosted after your first date. You thought that the feeling was mutual too, and it can be genuinely upsetting that this person you liked just stopped responding.
Even worse, some individuals might not be very nice in communicating their feelings about ending the date with you, calling you a “prude” or a “tease,” or suggesting you can’t get it up. Yes, this happens. It is sad, truly - primarily for them because they’re missing out on an incredible person. So, how do you get over this common dating obstacle?
- You realize that the person was NOT your match. You block them and move on.
- You stick to your values and find the right person. That person who will like you and respect you and be patient for you.
- You do not allow one disappointing date (or three bad dates) to spoil the whole dating scene for you.
- You put this bad dating app experience behind you and try again.
- Know that this bad date has gotten you one step closer to the person you're actually supposed to be with.