Everything You Need to Know About Anal Sex: Tips, FAQs & More!

photo of butt plugs with donut to intro into the anal sex guide information
Anal sex is an activity that many couples enjoy incorporating into their sex lives. While it isn’t exactly a “standard” addition to a sexual relationship, statistically, most couples incorporate some form of anal play (finger stimulation, rimming, toy play, or penetration) into their sexual rotation at least occasionally.

While anal sex is not always for everyone, it could be, with the proper education to enhance pleasure and decrease discomfort. There is much to learn about anal stimulation, so if you have been thinking about exploring anal play or have already had it and want to make it even more enjoyable, then read on!

Always, Always Use Lube

We're going to start off with the first, most important component in having pleasurable anal sex  –  lube. There is seriously no circumstance in which you should ever being having anal sex (or anal stimulation in general) without lubrication. The anal canal is not self-lubricating, which means that anal sex will not be smooth or feel good unless some lubricant is added.

Furthermore, the tissue (skin) in the rectum is fragile, and can rip or tear without caution, care and lube. The biggest reason that anal sex becomes painful is a lack of lubrication. Anal sex without lube is like getting an internal rug burn – it hurts! You can never have too much lube. You should lube your lover's penis (or fingers), any anal toys AND you should put some lubricant up inside of the anal canal via a finger. You also should not be afraid to re-apply lubricant, such as the Water Based Lubricant shown below, so that the pathway stays nice and slippery.
too timid sex lube

Do Some Clean Up Ahead Of Time

I am sure that you realize that the anal canal is used to expel feces from the human body. It is an exit-only canal that truly was not designed to have objects placed up inside. So, it stands to reason that sticking anything up there, or licking the anal opening (rimming) can be a bit dirty if the play-zone is not properly cleaned, right? From the giver’s standpoint, playing down there without worry is a huge benefit to having a pleasing experience.  From the receiver’s point of view, knowing that this area is as clean as possible is important for worry free play. So, it really is best to, at least, clean up the nether area with a soapy washcloth or wet wipe to get any debris that may be hanging around down there.

Communicate With Your Partner

Communicating with your partner while having anal sex is extremely important, you have to talk to each other throughout the whole process to ensure you're both on the same page. If you are the receiver, let your partner know if you are in pain or if you need to slow down a bit. They don't know how it feels for you so you really need to explain how you are feeling so they don't accidentally cause pain for you. If you are the giver, you should be communicating by asking questions? "How do you feel?" "Is this okay?"

FAQ's About Anal Sex

Contemplating anal sex usually brings up a lot of questions. Questions that are easily answered. These questions are good to ask and good to know the answer to. Some common questions are:

- "Will there be poop that comes out?

- "Will it feel good?"
- "Will it stretch me out too much?"
- "Will I get hemorrhoids?"
- "Will I bleed?"
- "Will I need diapers after a while?"
- "If I like anal, does it make me gay?"

These are all things that are important to know when contemplating a new sexual activity, right? Since these questions, and so many more, come up, I have written a few blogs that answer them in detail. If you are unsure about anal sex, or see some of your questions posted there, then give these blogs a gander:

So, Is It Gonna Hurt?

This question absolutely needs to be addressed because it is the number one question most people have about anal sex if they're going to be the receiver. For many people – probably more than not – a huge deterrent to exploring any type of anal stimulation is that it is said to be painful for the receiver. The loads of misinformation regarding anal sex has led so many people to shy away from anal play simply for the fear that it will hurt.

Or, perhaps anal sex was attempted and due to being misinformed or having a partner who was not patient and caring, anal sex WAS painful and therefore, there is no desire to try again. No one really wants sex to be painful, right? Well I am here to tell you; anal sex shouldn’t hurt – ever. If it does, then there is something missing from the equation.

If at any point the receiver communicates that they are in any pain at all, it is time to stop. I know that's probably hard to hear because at this point you both want to have anal sex, but you really need to listen to your body when it comes to anal. Anal sex should not be causing any pain. You can always try again the next day!

How To Bring Up Anal Sex To Your Partner

Anal sex is not an activity that every person likes. Whether you want to be the receiver or your desire is to be the giver, bringing up these desires can be hard. Especially since there is such fear and stigma surrounding anal sex. The best way to go about wanting anal sex is to just have an honest conversation about it with your partner. Trust is essential in any relationship and is very important when talking anal play. If you have an open and trusting relationship with your partner, then just sit down and tell them of your desire to try it.

Knowing the information is key to convincing your partner to at least try anal sex. All the information given in this blog can be extremely helpful in explaining your desires, the pleasure that can occur, as well as addressing her (or his) fears. Knowing how to respond when your partner asks, “But won't it hurt?” is important to creating a safe feeling. There is also a good way, and a bad way, to bring up wanting to have anal sex. Our article 5 Ways To Get Your Partner To Try Anal, addresses some of these ways.

Start With Fingers & Toys:

Before going straight into anal, which we do not recommend, it's best to start with inserting fingers or playing with some anal toys to help with anal training. I know that sounds intense, because when you think of training for something it's probably a marathon. But you really should be training yourself before anal sex too. Below you'll learn about a few different toys you can try:

Butt plugs have multiple purposes for anal play and pleasure. They can (and should) be used to prepare and gently expand the anal canal for anal stimulation and penetration and they can be used, on their own, to provide anal stimulation and pleasure. Butt plugs are specially made to provide a smooth insertion into the anal canal to expand the opening and allow the anal muscles to expand and relax. Many people do not really know HOW to incorporate a butt plug into their sexual play. If you find yourself in this situation, perhaps take a look at my blog, How and Why to Use A Butt Plug.

Many beginner’s anal play sets come with a set of 3 anal plugs that range from very small (perhaps a finger in diameter) to a bit larger (2 fingers in diameter). Using a beginner’s plug set, like the Silicone Anal Plug Set below, for newbie play has the following benefits:
  1. It gently eases the recipient into the experience of anal penetration.
  2. It allows for greater control of the object being inserted. The depth, speed and lubrication level can be monitored more specifically.
  3. You can begin with a smaller plug, then gently increase in size, until the largest plug is used, thereby gently easing the receiver into greater sizes.
  4. You can give other stimulations during play, such as oral sex, to even more relax the recipient and make the experience positive and pleasurable.
Image of set of 3 black suction cup base anal plugs

Another popular type of anal toy that is ideal for beginner's are anal beads. Anal beads are basically different sized beads (think of marbles) that are connected on a string or are molded into a very, very thin dildo-type toy. You insert these into the rectum during or before foreplay or sex, and then take them out at the time of orgasm, which increases the intensity.

The key here is that when you remove them, you remove them slowly. Don't just pull them out like you are starting a lawn mower, okay? Also, if you are just beginning with toys, you do not have to insert the entire row of anal beads. You can start with something like the Vibrating Silicone Anal Beads shown below, and slowly insert one or two beads at first. Take it slow and do what feels good for you!

Image of purple vibrating silicone anal beads

Anal Play Is For Everyone

The most fascinating thing about anal sex is that it is an activity that can, and is, pleasurable for all people. No matter your gender or sexual orientation, anal play is universally exciting and pleasing. A common misconception is that someone with a penis who wants to experiment with anal play must be homosexual. Nothing is further from the truth! What feels good, feels good. Many people ask, “WHY, should I have anal sex?”

In short, though, anal sex, when done correctly, feels amazing everybody involved. The anal canal is exactly the same for both males and females, so the pleasure is the same. However, males do have a prostate that can be stimulated during anal play, which makes it possible to experience even greater pleasure! If you have a prostate you should keep this in mind when you are asking your partner to engage in anal sex. What is good for the goose, is good for the gander.

Prostate massagers are a wonderful item for prostate owners who want to explore anal play that is specifically designed just for them. These massagers, such as the Dev's 10 Function Massager shown below, are designed with a curved end that will hit the prostate when inserted properly into the anal canal. Many report that any orgasm they achieve when a prostate massager is inserted is more intense than without. Who could argue with that? 
Image of hands holding black prostate massager

Closing Thoughts

Now that you have heard the suggestions for lubricants, prepping, toys, plugs and even prostate massagers. It is time to go forth and have good anal sex! Following the advice here, trying to have the most fun you possibly can, while making sure that you truly are mentally prepared for anal sex will ensure you have a satisfying experience. Now, all that is left to do is to experiment with what you like and don’t like. Find a position that is fun, shop for some anal toys to use, discover your favorite anal lubricant. All of this will come with time.


  • Jesse

    Back in the day of pagers and flip phones, my ex Jill loved anal. She was also gifted with communicating and pushing limits. She would talk while jerking me off and giving head about her anal orgasms. Which led to her inserting first a finger , two four then a vibrator. Fantastic which became a good pegging and crossdressing. It is not that easy to find another woman so open to play. Still to this day I get the urge for a good pegging but had several painful attempts. Unti your tip of pushing back, then pop I got a thick rabbit vibe all the way in and was able to drift through several orgasms while changing modes with a remote. Thanks for the push back tip. Now I need a Somme to peg me. Happy times in my ass. Thanks for the tip

  • David

    I love getting pegged but I haven’t found the right one still looking

  • Tess

    So I’ve done anal play before. But if I’m really worked up it’s hard to get the plug out. Like it’s suctioned in. Help?

  • Michael

    I have the Dev prostrate massager. I enjoy using it, but I wonder if I am doing it correctly. I don’t recall there being any instructions. Do I insert it with the curve going up or away?

  • Jennifer Miller

    Me and my boyfriend have been having anal sex for at least a year now not all the time but pretty often and I kinda enjoy it sometimes but sometimes I still have to ask him to stop the problem that I’m having is while we’re having anal sex and I’m enjoying it all of a sudden it will just change and start to hurt and then when we’re finished sometimes I will sit on the toilet and feel like I have to poop but I can’t and it’s very uncomfortable and hurts for a long time afterwards and also will feel like it’s swollen or something and even tho we’ve done this many many times it seems like im still just as tight as the first time it makes me nervous every time he first enters me and also not always but sometimes it will burn a little and that’s no fun so if you could please answer any or all of my questions that would be awesome because I’ve looked online and other people’s q&as and for some reason nobody else seems to have this stuff happening to them I can’t find any answers anywhere so hopefully you can help me out thanks

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