In life some surprises are great! A surprise birthday party, a proposal by a long-time love or even winning the lottery. Surprises can be a very welcome addition to our lives. Sometimes, however, surprises are not so awesome and can even be unwanted. During sex we can experience both the good and bad kinds of surprises. Having a quick orgasm when you didn’t think you would get there – definitely good! Finding a new erogenous zone you didn’t think you had – also great! So, what happens when the surprise is not so good? Here are just a few of some sex surprises no woman wants!
1. SURPRISE SWALLOW
To swallow or no to swallow – that is the question! Not all women like to swallow their lover’s ejaculate, but usually there is a discussion of what he should do when he nears orgasm. Sometimes, however, orgasm sneaks up on him sort of fast and he has a decision to make – pull out or stay in. If he decides to stay in then she has no choice but to swallow (or spit it out) what he gives her. New couples can have this issue especially if it is the first time they are having oral sex. The golden rule for him cumming during oral sex is that the surprise swallow is in bad taste! Bad boy!
2. THE “WRONG HOLE”
While it is possible to accidentally start to poke in the wrong entrance (the anal entrance instead of the vaginal entrance) – it is not possible to actually fully penetrate the anal canal by “accident” because it feels completely different, is in a different location and because surely your lover is going to protest! Listen guys, if you want to have anal sex then talk about it with your partner don’t do the “oh sorry, wrong hole” play – it is never appreciated and can actually cause distrust!
3. FUNKY SPUNK
For those women who do swallow it can be a very erotic experience! Taking what your lover gives you after a blowjob can be extremely intimate. It can also be super gross! The myth of “funky spunk” is totally true and there are things you can do to avoid this unpleasant surprise. A man’s ejaculate can change in “flavor” depending on his diet. For example, eat a lot of garlic and meat – the spunk will taste bitter and unpleasant. Drink pineapple juice, eat some cinnamon and drink a lot of water and it likely will taste sweet and pleasant. If you smoke – yup, nasty spunk. Do your lover a favor, try to flavor your juices on the positive side!
How To Sexually Surprise Her The Right Way
4. LUBE-FREE ANAL
Much like the “wrong hole” surprise, being anally penetrated without lube cannot only be a bad surprise but it can be extremely painful! Anal sex requires lube and a little spit on your penis is not gonna do it! If you are lucky enough (YES, LUCKY) to have a partner who consents to anal intercourse, then do not blow it by shoving your penis into her unlubricated! It can (and will) hurt and can cause some damage. Be a nice guy and use lube – no surprise bare backing please!
5. FORGETTING THE CONDOM
If you and your lover have decided to use condoms during sex – because of pregnancy or STD concerns – then it is your duty as her lover to abide by those wishes! Pretending to use a condom – or simply sticking it in without one when you know she needs / wants protected sex – is in bad, bad taste! Sex requires trust and forgetting the condom breaks that trust! The same goes for starting with a condom and taking it off during sex! This is dangerous and could result in a HUGE surprise 9 months later!
6. SURPRISE SPANKING
While many women love a little pat on their ass during sex or foreplay, many others do not! Especially if that ass slap is HARD and causes pain. While there may not be anything wrong with a light spank it is definitely NEVER OK to do a hard whoop on her behind without previous discussion! Not only can it be hurtful but it can break the trust, especially if she is afraid you will start to hurt her in other ways. Better to use the spanking when you both agree it is an activity you want to try.
7. DIRTY DEEPTHROATING
Giving a blowjob is an experience that many women enjoy immensely, but it is also an activity that takes some skill as well as the feeling that the woman in control. The act of deep throating – which is taking his penis deep into the throat – takes skill as well as the ability to deal with not being able to breathe while the penis is down in the throat. Not all women can do it and those who can have a method that works for them. When a man takes his lover’s head and slams his penis down her throat unannounced it can be a bad experience for both of them! Firstly, she can react badly and bite! Ouch! Secondly, he can hurt her and choke her – even make her vomit – and that is very unsexy! The worst thing is, it breaks the trust that the couple has! So, if you want to have your lover deep throat you during oral – ASK HER! This will bode much better overall.
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