Improve Your Sex Life

What tips do you have to have more sex or better sex in your relationship?

Leave an anonymous comment below to help others improve their sex life!

Boredom happens to the best of us, and especially those of us in long-term relationships. That feeling that our sex life is doomed, just because we're happy staying with this one partner is fixable! We first start to drift away from sex, then romantic encounters, and then our minds start racing about, "is this really the one?" or, "do I have to settle for this lack of love life?" YES and NO!

There are so many factors that can affect us as sexual beings and any number of these can come into play at any moment. How do you fix this? It's all about switching up your stagnant routines and clearing your mind, body, and home of anything that's bad for you and your lover! We know it can be tricky to take care of everything, but you can do it! You can have your sex life back! Here are our 10 Tips To Improve Your Sex Life:

Learn How To Use A Cock Ring!

Ah, stress. It’s pretty much the #1 spoiler of all things good, right? Prolonged stress can not only create a rift between you and your lover in the bedroom, it can just be downright bad for your health! To clear your mind and make room for more worthy, naughty thoughts, look into meditation, yoga, and other means of de-stressing. One of the easiest ways to de-stress is to unplug from technology! At a certain time every evening, finish your work and then stop the buzz of electronics. Place your smartphone on silent in the other room, shut down the computer and if you're really good, turn off the TV and pick up a book! This change from stressful tech to quiet time will create a more relaxed environment where, well, anything is possible. Plus, the earlier you make the switch, the more free time you have before you go to sleep, if you know what I mean!

Living room feeling a little stuffy? Tired of the same scenery? Go on dates! Recreate that spark that lit up your relationship and reconnect on a more intimate level. I recommend revisiting old haunts to start - like that park bench you snuggled on 5 years ago - and then creating new date locations. Love to eat? Choose some new restaurants to try that you would never take your friends to. Create your private couple’s rendezvous! Planning exactly when and where you’re going is fine to start, but the more spontaneous you can get at day-tripping and dating, the more spontaneous you’ll be with flirtatious encounters and bedroom trysts!

Check Out 20 Ways To Use A Vibrating Bullet!

This really should be number one! If you’re feeling like your sex life is fleeting, that the connection isn’t like it used to be, or just generally miss your partner, you must communicate! Set aside some distraction-free time to sit down and calmly chat about the relationship. Remember you’re trying to win each other over so you can be closer, not drum up negatives to fight over! The simple act of really making eye contact and talking is lost now more than ever, but it is vital for relationship survival! If you’re having difficulty chatting, try making a pact to share 3 positives and 1 negative each day with each other. You will be “assigned” this task to help reinforce gratitude and positivity, while still being able to discuss something that you’d like to change. It can be as simple as, “I got an extra lemon in my iced tea this morning,” to, “When you hold my hand in public, it makes me feel like a teenager again, and really excites me!” As long as you're talking, you're moving forward!

How can you romp around the house with each other if the house is a mess? A lot of what creates the stress in your life is disorganization and clutter, and a quick once-over will help alleviate these negative vibes! Even subconsciously clutter can put a damper on your mood, and your home should be a sanctuary for love, and sex, and more sex! Take a few hours on the weekends to clear out the junk mail, assign homes for clutter, and purge everything you haven’t touched in months. We humans acquire and hold onto a lot of unnecessary stuff, so if it isn’t being used for a purpose (like pleasure), it’s got to go!

This is a key component to reigniting your passion as a pair. I’m not just talking about the moments before sex, either. I mean foreplay all day! Strut around in something a little sexier than usual and watch their eyes light up when you step into the room. Wear his cologne or her perfume so you catch quick, arousing whiffs of your lover throughout the day. Then, whenever you’re together, steal time for long, passionate kisses. If you’re saying goodbye before heading to work, give them a little jolt of stimulation by “pouncing” in their lap for a long kiss goodbye! Even when you’re just watching television, holding hands or a swift squeeze of a thigh can get your blood flowing. Take time to focus not on the orgasm endgame, but rather on touching each other’s skin, kissing, holding each other, and gaining more closeness. The more foreplay you introduce, the more likely you are to be really intimate!

Take a tip from the doctor and eat healthier! Foods and beverages can have a serious impact on the chemicals that change up your moods! If you or your lover is stuck in a high-sugar, high-fat, and well, bad for you diet then chances are you’re feeling sluggish. Who wants to be intimate with someone moping around the house? How can you be intimate when you have a terrible stomach ache, or too much alcohol in your system? Your body just doesn't work that way! With de-stressing, and de-cluttering, comes organization, and organizing your meals should be at the top of that list! Learn to cook new dishes and do it together to raise an otherwise ordinary task to a more romantic experience. Taste sexy flavors like chocolate covered strawberries, and increase your senses with aphrodisiacs like pomegranates and vanilla!

Learn 5 New Things To Try DURING Sex!

If one of you is always initiating sexual encounters, then it’s time to switch it up. Have a chat about a dominance role-reversal and see what it’s like on the other side of the playing field! Sex can get stuck in a rut with the same kind of initiation, same positions, same person “in charge,” and you need to shake it up a bit! Let’s see what the usual-submissive can do when given the power! You can even introduce some sexy new dominant toys like blindfolds or silk sash restraints to aid in your role reversal playtime!

If you, your partner, or both of you have lost some of the excitement that would pull you into the bedroom, try introducing a new toy! Toys can be the gateway to lots of thrilling new options during sex. Even those who have never dreamt of sex toys before can enjoy changing it up with a little buzz from a vibrator, or wearing a cock ring to make sex last longer and provide clit stimulation for her! Think of it as a kind of present that you both get to unwrap as you unwrap each other! What an experience!

Changing your sleeping patterns can also have a drastic effect on your sexual health - both positively and negatively. If you are feeling too exhausted to spend a few extra minutes making out with your significant other, you may need to reevaluate when and how you sleep. Your bedroom should really only be a place for sleeping and sexing! Simple changes like adding a fan in your bedroom to provide white noise and a flow of air or adding A/C to create to create a cooler bedroom will help. Or, add room-darkening shades and wake up and head to bed a little earlier each day to help your snooze patterns! You’ll be sleeping better in no time, and these improvements will give you more energy and more flexibility to be sexually spontaneous!

What is a relationship for if not FUN! Don’t ever forget where you came from! Sometimes the best sexual encounters start with jokes. Start a tickle fight! Get to wrestling! Be SILLY! Remove yourselves from the same old, same old and explore the world around you by taking trips to museums! Lots of libraries host free movie screenings and discussions, which might be just the intellectual stimulation you need to flip the switch from mundane to thrilling! Plan days throughout the month where you take day trips and adventures exploring FUN new experiences. If the connection between you two is flickering, go PLAY!

Try not to overcomplicate sex, just know how important intimacy is in your relationship.

Romantic sex doesn't mean tons of candles and flowers and rose petals in the bedroom, you can have romantic sex without being cheesy and cliche. It also does not refer to JUST intercourse, remember foreplay is very important as well! 

Couples these days are sacrificing the romance in their sex, the reason...? Pornography! Couples who are watching porn start to believe that this wild, crazy, dirty sex with these body contorting positions that only a gymnast could do, is how sex is supposed to be. Porn also tends to push the focus towards the man being pleasured by the woman and not so much the woman being pleased. This belief can cause the intimate and romantic part of sex to become nonexistent.

Intimacy during sex brings couples closer together in and out of the bedroom. Lots of eye contact, kissing (like you mean it!), and lots of caressing can help to bring back the romance in your sexual relationship.

Foreplay is the easiest way to revive your sex life

With self-discipline, foreplay is easily one of the tools to reviving your sex life. Foreplay done the right way can really make your partner feel extremely desired and loved. Remember when it was hard for you to keep your clothes on around each other? There were no questions asked about how much you desired one another.

Over time, life stresses really wear on us. All of us. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and remind yourself how much you and your partner have been through and how important and exciting the sex can be again.

In other words, don't minimize foreplay. Use these foreplay tips and challenges to bring things in the bedroom back to life!

Challenge yourselves to 30 minutes of foreplay! The wait, and anticipation will bring you closer together and make your craving for one another stronger than ever before! Can you handle it?

Use these products that will help with foreplay, and also help to get that intimate connection back into your sex life! Trying something new is always exciting!


Use a massage candle

A sexy Massage Candle is a wonderful start to some intimate foreplay! Yes, body massages are considered foreplay as well. It involves passionate, hands-on caressing. The candles can be used for ambiance, scent, massage, and they are even a great moisturizer for the skin.

sex massage candle


Massage her clit with a clit cream

Using a Flavored Clit Cream  is an incredible way to bring foreplay to the next level. This creme will leave you tingling when your lover rubs it on your clitoris, which in turn prolongs your orgasm. Try different flavors!

Share your fantasies with your partner:

We were guilty, my boyfriend and I were falling into a rut. Our sex life was becoming mediocre at best, something we promised each other we would never let happen. The daily grind of life, work, and kids was taking its toll on us in the bedroom. Sex was becoming a ten minute missionary experience. After “roll off” instead of “take off,” it was two minutes until we were both fast asleep.
I’m not saying that there is something wrong with quick, comfortable sex but this was the only type of sex we seemed to be having. On the weekends when we had some extra time to reconnect under the covers, there always seemed to be something more important to do. The lack of intimate sex was starting to wear on our relationship. I felt disconnected to my partner and my body was starting to feel cranky and in need of some serious satisfaction.

I started thinking back to the beginning of our relationship when we couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes off. Back then sex was fun and filled with energy. I realized part of that was because of the creativity and effort we brought into the bedroom even when we were exhausted. It was then that I realized I needed to do something to jump start our sex life so we could really enjoy each other again. I decided to live out one of my sexual fantasies and it involved temporary tattoos, handcuffs and a sexy porn DVD.

I’m a very visual person; I have always enjoyed watching other couples have sex on film in the safety of my own bedroom. I realized it had been years since I enjoyed this type of visual arousal. It was time to go shopping and my first purchase was a porn flick with pretty people to watch “get it on.” My shopping adventure continued with my purchase of temporary tattoos and a pair of black furry hand cuffs. I already had the whipped cream in the fridge so I was ready to go.

I waited until the weekend so we had plenty of time and energy to have fun. I think the best part for me was changing the appearance of my naked body by pasting on the tattoos in strategic places. I had this cool looking fire breathing dragon that moved from my hip into my sex place. Around my breasts I found some beautiful dangling roses and at the base of my back right above my ass, a very cool biker chic design that gave me some kick ass attitude.

My boyfriend was out in the den watching TV so I walked out with my new raw body and gave him my come hither look. As he followed me I asked him to undress and lay on his back. Much to his surprise, I pulled out my handcuffs which I hid under my pillow and locked him down to my back board. He liked where this was going but I could tell he was a bit uneasy which was a bit of a turn on for both of us. I turned on the DVD and we watched as I used ice cubes and whipped cream to explore his body. The combination of all these new things stirred our senses made our bodies feel supercharged.

I tortured him by denying him actual intercourse and it was driving him crazy. I had complete control over him and I enjoyed taking charge. After awhile he begged me to let him loose because he wanted to touch me and do things to me. I couldn’t resist so I released him from his bondage, and in one swift move he had me on my back and cuffed to the bed. I hadn’t planned on this part; it was a totally different feeling which I was uncomfortable with at first. With his soft sexy words and caresses, my mind and body started to relax and ache for sexual pleasure. I trusted him completely and was able to let myself go. It was great to enjoy doing nothing and having everything done to me. Giving up complete control to my lover was one of the most erotic experiences I ever had. By the time the DVD finished we were sexually spent, the sheets were filled with whipped cream and satisfaction.

It was a great romp in the bedroom, one that was long overdue. Going into the next week with kids, work and life I had a new perspective and energy. I found myself smiling in the middle of the day when I visualized that afternoon. Just the thought of it made me want to jump his bones when he walked in the room.

Tips for fantasy girl:
Share your fantasies with your partner and use your imagination. The best sex happens when you are both comfortable enough to communicate your desires so don’t be shy.

If you are too shy to tell him, step out of your box and just show him by creating your fantasy and I’m sure he will be happy to follow.

Role playing is a great way to add a new dimension to your sex life; when was the last time you played doctor?

Some people respond better from listening rather than watching. Narrate a story about who you are and what you are going to do to him and don’t forget to talk dirty.

If you need an extra little push to step out of your box and have some fun with sex, read this excerpt from my book Congratulations on Your Divorce. This was an interview with a man and the question was about the importance of sex: “I want sex, my body needs sex, and I must have sex. A long-term relationship can’t revolve around it, but I want it to be fun and uninhibited. I think the main element of great sex is great communication. I want her to tell me what she likes, and I need to feel comfortable enough to express my desires as well. I want a woman who is not uncomfortable with her body regardless of her size.”

Do you remember when you were first dating your lover and you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other? You were making out in grocery stores, having sex in the bar bathroom or in the car - you were getting busy whenever the mood struck you. In other words: you were spontaneous! Spontaneous sex is some of the best sex because it is sex that is lust driven. You WANT each other and you just HAVE to have each other. How incredibly sexy is that? You are also in that early, honeymoon stage where doing it in every room of your new apartment is an absolute must. When blowjobs on the way to dinner at a friends was a very welcome surprise. When waking up 20 minutes earlier to have sex before the workday began was just something you wanted badly to do. So, now I have a question:

What the hell happened?

When did spontaneous “I have got to have you” sex become “I don’t have time tonight” or “but I have to get up early tomorrow” lack of sex? Yes, life takes control. Kids put a serious rut into our romantic lives.We forget how to be spontaneous. We forget each other’s sexual needs and desires. We forget our own. When we forget that lust – that need – that we have for each other it does damage to our intimacy. Couples NEED sex – planned and spontaneous. They need to feel that heat and desire for each other.

So, how do you add spontaneous sex back into your day? Well, the irony is that by answering that question I have effectively taken the word “spontaneous” out of the equation because you would have a plan, and that is not spontaneous.


Being spontaneous can be as simple as:


I have mentioned this one already. People take showers. People take showers daily – and sometimes TWICE daily. People are in the shower for, oh, 15 minutes. Sometimes you even LOCK the door when you take a shower. Kids even leave you alone, mostly, when you take a shower. See where I am going with this? No, no no. Stop with the excuses! I know what you are thinking: but my wife gets up 30 minutes before I do, I like sleep! Yeah, we all like sleep but don’t you like sex too? GET THE POINT! Take sexy, quickie showers together. Come on, you know you want to.

Everyone has got to eat, right? Food is a needed substance and lunch and a break in the day is a needed experience. If you live anywhere close enough to home to go home for “lunch” then do so! Your partner is there doing whatever he or she is doing – just walk in and say, “I want to eat you for lunch!” There you go! I bet that tuna salad sandwich is not seeming so great now, is it?

A side idea along the same lines is the hotel date. I had a friend once who would book a cheap hotel near her husband’s work and once a month or so she would pick him up for “lunch” in the hotel. She reported it was the best hour spent because it saved their marriage. Sometimes you have to make the sacrifice to be spontaneous. Yes, you have to plan this. However, it can be planned 30 minutes before and he or she will be surprised.

As we get older we tend to wake up mid-sleep to go pee. It happens. So, you are up, have used the bathroom and now you are sort of awake / asleep. Perhaps it is a Friday night, or, you do not have to get up early the next morning. Why not take an opportunity given and wake up your partner for some hot, middle-of-the-night sex? You know you used to do this just because (not because you were up to pee) so take a cue from the younger you – get busy at 2:00 am!

All couples should have a date night. A night where you go out without the kids and do something “couple-like.” It could be a movie, dinner, golfing, even grocery shopping without the kids. Yes, that is a thing we parents look forward to. Sad, I know. IN any event, you are in a CAR, you are ALONE, it is usually DARK outside. Um, HELLLLLOOOO! Do you see where I am going with this? Find a nice, quiet, dark place to park! Too chicken to have full on intercourse? A handjob and some fingering will do nicely. Yup. Date night. Do it.

I hope you are getting the picture here. There are many times and places where you can just take advantage of some time to squeeze in some spontaneous loving. This is not just for those with kids, this is for any couple who may be lacking in the spontaneous sex! Use the time you have – and use it for fun sometimes. The next time you see your lover changing into her pajamas to read in bed – throw the book on the floor and her on the bed! Come on, I know you all can do it!

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