10 Things I Think When He Turns Down Sex

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Oooh, rejected! Nobody likes to be turned down, and least of all me. It takes a lot of effort for me to present my luscious body to my lover and to hear him say, “nah!” Is like a kick to the gut. You’re turning me down? You’re turning ME DOWN? Oh no, I don’t think so! And while I struggle to remove the knife in my heart that is his rejection, here are 10 things that go through my mind when he turns down sex.

What do you mean, “no?” Who do you think you are? You think you can just, say no? Who gave you that right? I don’t think so! Pants off, mister!

“But… It’s Me…”
Heartbreak. I was turned down. I put myself out there and I was crushed. *Sigh* I wish I had never been born!

Oh, and the rage has returned. I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND! We have a contract! You have sex with me, and I have sex with you! I never turn you down! I always hold up my end of the deal! What’s the problem? My word is my BOND! You… you… uhg.

“I Thought You Loved Me.”
But I guess I was wrong if you turned down sex! Obviously you’re not interested in pursuing this relationship any longer! I’ll just pack my things! So long!

“Don’t you like what you see?”
Come on, check me out! Don’t you want this? I don’t have a stripper body or a movie-star face, but I thought you liked my lumps and freckles. What’s the deal? Look at me!

How To Talk To Your Partner About Unsatisfying Sex

FINE, if you can’t be seduced, then LEAVE, get out of here! Bye-bye! I don’t care where you go, but you can’t stay here! I am no longer interested! GET AWAY FROM ME!

“Maybe if I…”
What do you want? A lap dance? A plate of cookies? All the money in my wallet? My car? My soul? I’ll do that thing I said I’d never do. NO, not that thing, the other thing. Yes, that. I’ll do that. Please? Pretty please?

“HA! I Don’t Need You!”
Think I don’t have friends who would love a shot at this? HMM? Think I can’t just pick up someone at a club? I’ll do it. You can’t stop me. You don’t own me, and I don’t need you! I can get what I want whenever I want! I’ll take my business elsewhere! Goodbye!

“I Didn’t Even WANT To Do It!”
I was just throwing you a bone, but if you’re too lame to accept it, FINE! But I don’t see any more bones in your future. Oooh no. Not for you.

“Woe Is Me…”
I’m a good person. I work hard. I go to school. I have a steady job. I clean up after myself. I pay my taxes. I hold the door open for others. I leave good tips. I say please and thank you. I don’t break the law. I whisper in libraries. I turn my cell phone off at the movies. AND THIS IS WHAT I GET? What a tragedy.

What Do You Think When Your Partner Turns Down Sex?
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