18 Signs You Have a Selfish Lover

One of the most common bedroom blunders that kills both new and seasoned relationships is selfishness. If you’re giving, giving, giving, and your lover is taking, taking, taking, it can be physically and emotionally exhausting. There should always be, in all aspects of a relationship, a give and take between partners.

Here are some tell-tale signs of a selfish lover:

1. SELFISHNESS IN EVERYTHING

Your lover is blatantly selfish in all aspects of his or her life. They’re expecting the most from everyone around them with little-to-no reciprocation. They feel entitled to whatever they desire, and offended when they don’t get it handed to them.

2. THEY WON'T TAKE TIME TO FIGURE OUT YOUR BODY

If your lover has to ask if you’ve had your orgasm yet, they are clearly not focused on you. If they can’t tell when you’ve climaxed, they aren’t in tune with your body, your sexual sensations, or your feelings during your most intimate encounters.

3. RECEIVING ORAL, BUT NOT RETURNING THE FAVOR

Unless you’ve already come to terms with a very specific kind of lovemaking, giving oral sex to them should mean you get some oral sex in return! If your partner expects oral pleasure but won’t return the favor no matter how many hints you’ve dropped or how many times you’ve bluntly stated you want oral, you’ve got serious selfishness on your hands.

4. EMOTIONALLY OFF

Their selfishness escapes the bedroom and messes with the relationship. If he or she is not offering PDA (even when you’re not in public), then the feelings may not be there. If you can't hold a real conversation or feel a connection, they’re selfish.

5. SINGLE-SIDED CONVOS

You can hold a conversation, but it always centers around them! They talk about themselves, their accomplishments, their troubles, and never ask how you’re doing, what great things you’ve done, or if you need anything from them.

6. BEING LIMITED TO ONE POSITION

He or she won’t let you on top (or bottom, whichever you prefer), and looks at you like you’re crazy if you do. They stick to one sex position that they know works for them regardless if it works for you, and won’t switch positions or try anything new.

7. ENDLESS COMPLAINING

When you do ask for oral sex, for a change of positions, or for whatever you desire in bed, the complaints come rolling in! Their hands and wrists hurt when fingering you. Their jaw is just too sore after oral. Whine, whine, whine! They complain so much that you may feel like you want to stop asking for what you want.

8. CONDOM CONTROL

For a selfish lover with a penis, asking to use a condom is like pulling teeth. Condoms are out of the question because they don’t feel good, it’s too much of a hassle, or any number of other excuses. As with #7, there is so much complaining that they'll make it very clear that they aren't concerned about you, or your sexual health above their own satisfaction.

9. SUPER FAST SEX ALL OF THE TIME

If you’re sleeping with someone and their only sexual speed is “jackhammer,” then they may not have your needs in mind.

10. SPEEDING UP THE FOREPLAY

Your lover chooses to use a lubricant but not because they want to provide a more comfortable glide, or new (warming, tingling) sensation during sex. Instead, they quickly lube up to skip foreplay and avoid the time it takes for you to become naturally wet.

11. THEY DO WHAT THEY WANT SEXUALLY

They just simply won’t venture down to where you’d like them to. Your vagina or penis is off limits unless it’s doing something for them. There’s no attention from their mouth, their hands or anything else.

12. LEAVING AFTER SEX

They are so selfish that they don’t even wait long enough to cuddle before they’re out the door! I’m not talking about a one night stand where this is the standard, here. They’re quick to come, what’s done is done, and then they’re gone without so much as a peck on the cheek.

13. THEY TAKE, TAKE, TAKE

If they do give something back - a little foreplay to rev your engine, or a touch here, a caress there, even a new sex position - they expect the world in return! When they offer some semblance of sexual equality, you have to hear about it for days, weeks even, so that you know that you owe them something in return.

14. REFUSING TO MAKE ANY PLANS WITH YOU

He or she prefers their alone time over your time together and makes it blatantly obvious. They just can’t tear themselves away from “me time” to meet your best friend, take a walk around town, go to a fancy anniversary dinner. Nothing! A relationship that takes this much work isn't worth it!

15. NOT WANTING TO SPEND MONEY ON DINNER EVERY NOW & THEN

Speaking of fancy dinners, a selfish lover isn’t just greedy in the bedroom! If they can’t spend a little green every once in a while - even for mundane things like laundry or groceries - you’ve got to get your love life, and bank, in check.

16. LAZINESS

Your lover can’t clean up their act, and won’t lift a finger to help in any sense of the word. They won’t help you get off. They won’t help you make dinner. They won’t stop being lazy to participate in the relationship whatsoever. SELFISH!

17. LIAR

If you find your partner lying to you more often than not, then they may not only be selfish, they may be cheating on you. Chronic liars don't usually stick to one lie, but build up many over time, meaning this selfish lover could be keeping dangerous secrets from you!

18. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

The worst kind of selfishness comes in the form of a controlling lover. If he or she is in constant control of every sexual situation, breaking free will only help you. They keep you all to themselves, only in the ways they want you, and can’t give up the reigns to let you take control. This is FAR from a healthy BDSM relationship because this kind of control isn’t pleasurable and is definitely not consensual.

Disclaimer: If you feel you may be in an abusive relationship, please find assistance at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at thehotline.org, or call the free 24/7 hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). You may visit the site for a live chat online, and find valuable information on how to get out of an abusive relationship.

Have you ever had a selfish partner? Let Us Know!


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