My boyfriend cums too fast...What do I do?

Question:

"Hi Mikayla! I am dating a really great guy. We've been having sex for almost a year now and he is AMAZING in bed! The problem is that my boyfriend cums fast during sex. He just doesn't last very long...It seems like right when I'm getting into it, he's already done. I love my boyfriend so much, but I want to be satisfied too. He knows he finishes pretty fast, but he jokingly says that 'I just feel so good' haha! What will help make him last longer?"

Dear Longer-Lasting Lovers:

First off, CONGRATULATIONS! Yes, you read that right! You said, “I am dating a really great guy” – and that, my friend, deserves a hearty congrats in and of itself, and he is also great in bed – so, kudos to you! Now, on to address your concern that your boyfriend cums too quickly. Well, firstly, are we talking within minutes of penetration, or, does he just finish before you? Premature ejaculation is a completely different condition opposed to a man who is excited by his lover. The average time a male will ejaculate after active thrusting has begun is 5-10 minutes. Now, this time can vary with position or pace changes and can be lengthened with exercises such as Kegels (yes, males can do Kegels too!) Now, if he is unloading within a minute of penetration, you he may have an issue with premature ejaculation – and this is a completely different animal all-together. I am going to assume, based on your assertions that he is AMAZING in bed, that he simply cums a bit sooner than you would like.

So, how can we assure you are satisfied too? Firstly, FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY oh, and more FOREPLAY! Yes, I understand that penetration and orgasm with penetration are the holy grails of intimacy, but, sometimes we women need a little more time than our partners can manage so we have to make our own luck as it were. This means FOREPLAY! The more warmed up we are, the more easily we will orgasm during penetrative sex. Also, a majority of women, up to 85%, need clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex. So, even if you can orgasm without such stimulation, it may be beneficial for you to use a product such as a bullet during sex to quicken your own pleasure as well as increasing your chances of having more than one orgasm. My favorite bullet is the Twin Mini Vibe because it has 2 different sized bullets, either of which can be used during sex without disrupting the flow of your lovemaking.

Of course, there are things that your lover can do to increase the length of time he can perform. Practicing Kegels (exactly like we women do, by squeezing the muscles used in urination) can come in handy when staving off an orgasm. Simply have him SQUEEZE the muscle as long and tight as he can, and sooner or later his orgasm control will be much better. There are also some products that can be very successful in helping a man last longer. Cock rings are wonderful options. The Tri-Ring is a great product with 3 different sizes. Or, the Superball Cockring can be fun for both of you! The most important thing is to make sure the ring is put on when your lover is party erect and that the ring goes underneath his balls as well. This is the most important aspect, as the pressure there is what will keep him from ejaculating as quickly. Finally, the start-stop method is very effective and fun for you both! You will want to make love slowly, letting his excitement build – and then STOP! Let him relax and the excitement level decrease a bit and the start again. Doing this over and over will build his stamina as well as bring the both of you closer. I hope that this helps you and gives you some ideas to help your man last longer, but the most important thing to remember is this: it is not the quantity but the quality, and if you are in love and happy, the rest is just the icing on the cake!

- Mikayla