Things You Can Notice About Your Friends or Lover During Social Distancing

Have you ever noticed that when you see someone daily you become almost immune to some of their little quirks, habits or “personality changes?” Do you think you and your partner are a perfect match? Do you believe you have the same core values? Well, when you stay away from someone for a few days (or weeks) all of a sudden you may be noticing giant changes or differences in the way you think, act or feel about the other person. Yeah, this is what is happening to some people during our social distancing.


Is your partner sort of clingy? Do they text, call, Facetime you All. The. Time? Or, do they go long periods of time not responding to your texts because they are “at work” or “in class?” Well, when the majority of our partners are no longer tied down with the constraints of work or school you may notice just how inattentive (or overly attentive) your partner is. This may become an issue depending on your personal level of desired interaction. If your partner was sort of clingy before, they may become REALLY clingy now. Being honest about how much attention you need or don’t is important to making it through this odd time. BUSY BODY VERSUS COUCH POTATO: During the average day, what do you try to accomplish? During self isolation are you the kind of person who organizes your closets, cleans out your refrigerator or makes piles of items to sell or donate. Or, are you the kind of person who watches 20 straight hours of Netflix, eating all your quarantine snacks in one sitting, and takes a few naps during the day? When we are forced to be at home you may notice that your partner is much more driven than you are, or, they are very, well, under-driven. Does it matter to you? If it does this is something to think about.


When forced to be separated from your partner, do you miss kissing, hugging, or having sex? Does your sexual need amp up and make you express that sexual need more in texts or phone calls, or, do you notice that you do not really miss sex that much and find yourself pulling away from your partner? Time spent apart can really demonstrate your actual attachment to, and need for, your partner. Or the reverse. Pay attention.


During times of crisis it becomes very apparent who is a person of action and who is an “I am only worried about myself” type of person. If you are the kind of person who would check on your elderly neighbors, hand-make hospital masks, or who will make cookies or food for people who don’t have the resources you may not gel well with someone who has the, “Forget those people, they aren’t important to me,” type attitude. Are you and your partner on the same page, or is one of you self-centered? Could be important.


While most people would definitely prefer to be able to see their friends, family or romantic partner, there are some people who thrive on being by themselves. The flipside is some people simply cannot be alone. The “relationship” jumper who goes from one relationship to another to another, never being alone in between. When we are forced to be away from our partner it may become quickly obvious what kind of person you are or what type your partner is. Perhaps your partner breaks it off with you for someone who lives in their building, or, perhaps you start to reach out to an ex because you feel lonely and your partner isn’t able to visit you or doesn’t have the time to dedicate to you at the moment. These issues can make or break a relationship.


During times of stress all people have opinions and feelings regarding the situation at hand. Some people choose to be optimistic, find the silver lining, and have a “this won’t last forever” mantra. Others, however, complain and whine and become angry or judgmental, and may use this time as an excuse to berate everyone, the government, the politicians, society. Which side do YOU fall on? Are you the person who is always smiling and upbeat, or, are you a negative person who seems angry? Do you notice your partner or friends are the opposite? Sometimes these situations bring out the best in us, and other times the worst. Which side is your partner on?


We all have our coping mechanisms when it comes to stressful situations. Some of us will eat way too much chocolate, sleep all day, eat fast food, and overall just succumb to the depressive hole that this situation can bring. Others of us will exercise, go for walks, use this time to bone up on cooking skills or read books that we haven’t had a chance to read. Even though some negative methods of coping are OK, what if your partner is the complete opposite of you? Can you deal with that?


This aspect can be particularly important to couples who may be nearing serious relationship status. In a crisis such as COVID-19, when people’s jobs and livelihood are in danger, is your partner monetarily conservative or are they spending money unnecessarily on X-box games, bigger televisions, or ordering out DoorDash daily? Do their spending habits align with yours? Or, are you the frivolous spender and your partner is saving for the “rainy day?” This is an extremely important aspect of a couple’s relationship and this situation just may show you something you didn’t know about your partner’s monetary situation.

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