When the topic of bondage comes up so many people think of handcuffs and full body restraint systems, all leather, form-fitted body suits OR just the reverse, “50 Shades of Gray" love bondage. Truthfully, bondage is not just one thing, but instead is more of a concept. Bondage is, by simplest definition, the physical restraining or restriction of someone. So, as you can imagine, this can take on many different forms. Many couples are intrigued by the idea of bondage – specifically, sexual bondage – but they really have no idea how or where to begin. If you are interested in experimenting with bondage, read on for some “how to begin” suggestions.
FIND A PARTNER YOU TRUST
You should, in general, always trust a sexual partner, but when it comes to sexual bondage you REALLY need to trust your partner. Even the most basic bondage involves limiting free movement, so this requires absolute trust of your partner. You should NEVER, ever participate inbondage activities with a brand-new partner or with someone whom you do not have trust. So, step one will be to find a partner you trust and step two will be to have a discussion. Especially one that involves having a…..
SAFEWORD – IT’S A MUST
This is one thing that the 50 Shades movies got right, you absolutely MUST have a safe word when you engage in any type of sex that is, well, out of the norm. When we are in a situation that can be intense or can involve volunteering to push personal limits, it is imperative that our partner know, without a doubt, when we NEED to stop. This is where safe word comes in. A safe word is a word that you use to indicate that you want all sex to stop without question. It is a word that is not standard or usual to say during sex. Nothing close to “no” or “stop” should be chosen, instead think of something unusual like “popsicle” or “tomato.” Then, if this word is said your partner knows that he / she is to STOP and see if you are OK.
Bondage is not something that you just jump into full force. No one decides one day, “yeah, why don’t you tie my hands and feet to the bed, put a ball gag in my mouth, and throw on some nipple clamps for good measure.” Nope. Instead, take your time and begin with soft restraints (perhaps some silk ties or padded restraint cuffs) and only restrain one part of the body (like feet OR hands). Allow yourself to get used to the idea of limited movement. Once you have one aspect of your movement compromised even a little you will discover how disabling it can be – as well as how arousing! Then, if you like that type of restraining, add in another limb (add in the other foot or both hands) and see how that goes. Baby steps.
Usually in a couple there is one person who prefers to be the restrained party, while the other prefers to be the one doing the restraining. It doesn’t always work that way, but this is more standard. So, for you both to be comfortable with this, you should each try to be the one restrained and the one doing the restraining. This will enable you to understand how disabling it is to be restrained, how gentle or forceful to be, as well as how much trust you are putting in each other. It is the best way to make the most of your bondage play.
SKIP THE SEX
Huh? What? I know, you are wondering why you want to skip the sex in sexual bondage. I don’t mean ALL the time, I just mean for the first time. You want to get used to the idea of restraining or being restrained without adding in sex. You will be surprised at home erotic and arousing it can be just to be restrained! This does not mean you can’t do a little teasing – gentle touching, kissing, a nipple tweak or two – all of these seemingly simple gestures take on a whole new level when you are restrained. Once you feel comfortable in general, then you can add in the sex.