How Women Can Have Better Sex In Their 40's

Yup, I am firmly in the land of the 40s, and in fact, I am crossing the hill to the other side toward 50! I have long heard that sex changes when you get older and sometimes gets not as good. I have heard older women complaining about their “dry vaginas” and their “loss of libido” and their “exhausted state” that makes them not want to have sex. I have wondered for a good 10 years now if there is any truth to that at all, or, if it was all just a myth. I can finally answer some of these assertions. Is it true? Does sex get “bad” in your 40s?

NOI wish it were that easy, but the truth is, it isn’t. For some women (and I will only speak for women here) sex does change, but gets better (raises hand – me, me, me!) For others, it, well, “less” good or, in general, doesn’t have as much importance. I have friends who are in their mid to late 40s who have said that “sex has lost its fun.” Huh? How can anyone say that sex isn’t fun? My friend “Lily” (named changed so she doesn’t murder me) has told me that for her, sex is overrated and she only does it enough to “keep her husband from not cheating.” This seems like a defeatist attitude to me, so I asked her why she feels this way. She told me that she is plain out exhausted, the kids (she has 4) zap her energy, her husband would rather watch football than go down on her (sad) and that she just feels that she is “comfortable” in her marriage without much sex.

How can you say sex is “bad” or “not as good” when you are not having it? It seems then that for some women it is the lack of desire to have sex. Libido is an onerous mistress and when she decides to fade away some women find this something they can’t combat. The truth is, you can fight against the loss of libido. There are hormone treatments that have been very successful in booting a low libido. Also, it is true what they say – the more sex you have, the more you want. This is what I told Lily, that she should just make a point to get frisky with her hubby. She seems pretty content with their 2 times a month!

WHAT ABOUT A DRY VAGINA?Did you think I was kidding about that? Nope, I wish I were. This is something I have experienced in the last few years as my estrogen has been running for the hills in this lovely period (of lack of) in my life called PERIMENOPAUSE. Ah yes, the beautiful change of life that starts to occur as early as mid-30s, usually mid-40s and signals the beginning of the end of menstruation and fertility. This change does horrible things to your body – added weight, hair where there shouldn’t be, missing or extra periods, headaches, stiff joints, and, yes, dry vagina. Not only does the weaning estrogen affect the lubricating ability of your vagina, but it also causes the tender vaginal skin to become thinner, often resulting in painful intercourse. Yay! We get to finally have no periods but sex will hurt! Doesn’t seem fair, does it?

So, how do you combat this and help make sex better? Buy some Lube. Buy lots of lube. Also, ask your gynecologist for hormone creams that can help with natural lubrication. There is no shame in needing some lube ladies. Don’t let peri-menopause end your sex life! Lube up!

REVAMP, REVISE, RE-LIVEListen ladies, you are not dead nor are you even close. Yes, your body is doing things you never knew it would. I totally get that. Yes, you are tired and seemingly have no energy left for sex. I get that too. However, this is the time when you should have the most confidence! You are a beautiful, sexy, desirable 40-something woman who should be having the best sex of her life! You KNOW what you want, you KNOW your body, you are confident enough to speak up and get the pleasure you deserve, right? This is the time to revamp the sex life, revisit those sexual fantasies you had in your 20s, re-live the best times of your life in the bedroom. You are 40 and FABULOUS so go forth and enjoy sex more than you have ever enjoyed sex before! I am and you can and should too!