Why Is "Regular" Sex Important In A Relationship?

Over the years I have had so many couples (usually well-established couples) ask me, “Mikayla, why is sex so important?” They go on to qualify, “We have oral sex, but regular sex, intercourse, eh, it is overrated now. I want to get in, get my orgasm, and go to sleep!” Yes, it is true. I have heard this more than once. In fact, more than a hundred times. Couples (especially those with kids) who have been together a long time, seem to want to dispense with standard sex. They either go the oral route or the handjob (fingering) route and skip the sex!

The idea that we need to “rush through” sex on a regular basis is absurd to me! I understand that sometimes you have to squeeze it in between violin lessons, dinner and your in-laws coming for the weekend. I also understand that SOME sexual activity is preferable to NO sexual activity. However, we as couples in romantic, loving, intimate relationships need intercourse.Why? Intercourse provides intimacy in a way that oral sex alone can’t. I understand the argument that “oral sex is more intimate” and in a way, it is more intimate because of the nature of the act. However, intercourse, sex, making-love – all of this is a much deeper intimacy.

So, if you have found yourself skipping the sex – let me tell you why this is a bad idea and why you should always make time for making love.

Statistically speaking, couples who have sex (intercourse and all things foreplay) are more harmonious with each other and in general. Sex is a stress reliever, keeps us emotionally tied to each other, is a shared experience that reflects love. Men, especially, are much calmer when they can have sex. Even men who get regular blow jobs state that intercourse is also really important. It is not just the connection but the release as well. For women, sex is an activity that decreases stress much more than you would think. So, why not make some sweet, sweet love?

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As referenced above, couples need intimacy. The intimacy that comes with sex is more thorough than just with oral. Sex brings you in close proximity to your partner, often in a position that allows you to look right at your lover. You can speak loving words during sex (much harder to do with their, um, genitals in your mouth). You can hug and pull and grab and simply embrace each other DURING the act. All of this increases intimacy. Women, especially, like the sensation of being held by their lover during intercourse. Being able to look into his eyes. This type of intimacy is so important for any couple.

Did you know that many people can have sex and be completely angry with their partner? Did you also know that it is much more difficult to do this with standard intercourse? When we are in the intimate position of being face-to-face with our partner it is more difficult to “do it” while we are angry, hurt or upset. So, if you find that your partner (especially true for women) is not engaging in intercourse with you, then there may be a bigger issue than she just has a headache. If you find your partner is engaging in everything BUT intercourse, it may be time for a talk!

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