What To Do If You Have A Higher Libido Than Your Partner
Ideally, we would all like to have a partner who had the exact same libido or sex drive or as we do. Unfortunately, or realistically, this is usually not the case and our partner may have a lower drive than we do. It can be very frustrating to want sex when our partner does not, and it can be confusing at times and even cause suspicions or self-esteem issues. Also, it is important to note, that it is not always the man who has the higher drive; a woman can have a higher drive than her male partner as well. So, what do you do when it becomes evident that your partner has a higher drive than you do?
DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS
"Well, if he/she is not having sex with me, he/she MUST be cheating!" This is absolutely the worst conclusion to jump to. Is it possible? Sure, it is possible. Is it likely? Probably not. There are many reasons why a person's sex drive can lower - or be lower in general - so it is really important not to let the emotions control their responses. This can be even harder to do if you had an active sex life early on in your relationship, and now it has weaned. The fact is, the most active sex always happens in the beginning of a relationship, and it is normal for it to decrease. So, what are some possible reasons that sex drive has lowered?
- Happy and content in the relationship
- Medication side-effects
- Issues in the relationship (fights, disagreements, etc.)
- Childbirth or new babies in the house
- Sexual dysfunction
TRY DIFFERENT METHODS TO ENGAGE THEM
If you are noticing a decrease in your partner's drive, and can't explain it via any standard reason (such as being on a new medication) then you may want to try something different or take a different approach to spark his / her interest. Try bringing the romance or erotica back into the bedroom. Do something sexual that you rarely or never do (such as surprising him in the shower.) Invest in new lingerie, buy some sexual enhancement products, or go for a romantic weekend alone where you can lavish yourself in a luxury hotel room and reconnect. The idea is to just see if you can re-spark your partner's passion. Based on this experiment you will know better what the possible reasons for the decline in libido is.
Tips For Boosting Your Sex Drive!
HAVE AN HONEST CONVERSATION
Nobody wants to have this conversation. Men, especially, do not want to hear that they are "failing" their partner in bed. Trust me ladies, depending on how you approach this conversation this is exactly how they may feel. It is absolutely essential that you pick your words wisely and avoid ANY accusatory language. The fastest way to have this conversation shut down is to approach it with anger or accusation. Here are ways to start the conversation:
"Honey, how are you feeling? How are things at work? Are you stressed? - inquiring about these general things will help you to get a sense of whether he / she has other worries affecting their sex life.
"Honey, is everything OK between us? Are you still upset that I yelled at you about the dent in the car? - this will help you to see if there is any resentment being harbored.
"Honey, lately I have been noticing that we have sex a little less. I am just checking in with you to see if everything is fine. I would like us to reconnect."
What you need to avoid is any language like:
"Um, what is the deal? Why don't you want to fuck anymore?"
"Uh, if we don't have a better sex life soon then we are going to have problems!"
"Are you sleeping with someone else cause you sure do not want to fuck me!"
"Are you not attracted to me anymore? Why don't you want sex with me?"
Choosing the tone and language is instrumentally important. You may not get any answers at all, but you surely won't if you accuse or get angry.
SUGGEST A TRIP TO THE DOCTOR
If your partner has mentioned that he / she doesn't know why there is a decrease in libido, it may be time to suggest a trip to the doctor. If it is something that is hormonal, related to menopause, medicinally induced, due to erectile issues or something medically wrong then a doctor may be able to help. Hormonal treatments for women can make a HUGE difference in libido. ED drugs like Cialis or Viagra can also help to boost a man's sex drive if he is suffering from the embarrassment of these conditions.
DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO STAY IN THE RELATIONSHIP
Sometimes there is no reason why a person's libido is different than your own. If it is a new relationship, this may be a reason to no longer continue. Only you can decide for yourself how much sex factors into your life. While sex should never be the core reason a couple is together, over time a disproportionate sex drive can really drive a wedge between a couple. Conversely, if you are in a long term relationship, or marriage, and this is a new issue you may have to decide how to handle this. It can be really hard to realize that the passion or the urgency of sex has left the relationship, but it does happen and then you have to decide what to do. Being honest with your partner, discussing the issues, seeing a doctor and even a sex therapist can be wonderful ways to show support while examining the reasons why. Ending an otherwise good relationship over low sex drive seems like a waste. However, if your relationship is not good or solid in other ways, this may be the straw that broke the camel's back.
BE LOVING, SUPPORTIVE AND PATIENT
If you are determined to stay in the relationship because you love your partner, then it will be up to you to be understanding and patient. There may be times when you will want sex, but it is not going to happen. Being patient and loving and trying to keep that intimacy alive in other ways (kissing, cuddling, sleeping naked, massages) will be instrumentally important to maintaining that connection. Also, a low sex drive does not mean the end of your sex life, it just means that you may have less than you would like. If you love and accept your partner, then this is something you have to love and accept s part of them. If you find it difficult, find a therapist who can help you to process the feelings and disappointments as well as give your ideas on how to perhaps spark your partner's sex drive.
How Does Your Libido Match Up With Your Partner?
Let Us Know!