Your Professional Guide to Couples who Swing | What does being a "swinger" mean?
Have you heard of swinging or swingers? Do you truly understand what it is, or isn't? Do you assume that this term refers to people who are having orgies with a bunch of people? Do you assume it means loaning your wife / husband to another person? There are many assumptions about what swinging in, and most of them are at least partly wrong. While there is more than one understanding of what is involved in swinging, the gist of it remains mostly the same.
WHAT IS SWINGING?Swinging - the definition: the most accepted definition of swinging is having consensual sex outside of an established relationship with other people. Now, this does get a little tricky because single people can be swingers, if they are the person with whom a swap is occurring. It also can be heterosexual sex, or homosexual sex, can involve a threesome (or moresome) but more often than not, it is simply "swapping" partners. For example, a husband and wife find another couple to swap partners with. This is consensual, agreed upon sexual behavior.
WHAT SWINGING IS NOTThe largest assumption about swinging is that it is a sexual free for all where everyone is just sleeping with everyone like one huge orgy. More often than not, swinging is a very private and quiet affair where 2 couples meet and swap partners. While there are swinging parties for larger groups, often it will simply align with partner to partner sex, not group sex. Swinging is also not cheating. Since both partners agree to the possible swap and go into the situation fully aware of the intentions, it is not at all cheating.
WHO'S ENGAGES IN SWINGING?
Many assume that swingers are people who are desperate to please their partners and therefore will do anything. OR, they believe that a swinger is a sexual promiscuous sex addict who just wants to get her / his rocks off as much as possible. The irony is that according to an article in Psychology Today (2013), most swingers are college educated, between mid-30s to 50s and have been in a relationship for over 10 years! These are not impulsive or ignorant choices, but instead lean toward being very well considered and intentional choices. Surprised?
COMMON SWINGER TERMSSome of the lingo used with swinging is specific to swinging, while some terms may merge with other types of sexual play. For example:
- Soft swap: when a couple has restricted their play to oral sex or foreplay, and excludes sexual penetration
- Full swap: when all agreed upon sexual activity, including intercourse, can occur between the swapping partners
- Polyamorous: having more than one sexual / romantic relationship at the same time (but, mostly refers to constant, loving couples)
- Same room: this refers to when both couples will engage in play only when in the same room
- Unicorn: this is the ever-rare single swinger
- Hall pass: this means that one of the people in a couple has permission to play, while the other partner may watch or bow out
- On premise: this refers to swingers parties or gatherings where there is on-site rooms or areas to engage in sex
- Off premise: conversely, refers to swingers parties or gathering where there is no on-site places to engage in sex