How To Restrain Your Partner

Over the years I have written quite a few articles on bondage (light and heavy) and have enjoyed discussing my own love of being restrained. Recently, the ever popular 50 Shades of Grey books have brought bondage to the forefront of everyone’s consciousness, and there is a reason why. Simply: being restrained is HOT! Why you ask? In a nutshell, when a person is restrained there is a huge element of surrender, a surrendering of your body and will to your lover. Furthermore, in a trusting relationship, this surrender can be extremely erotic and intoxicating for both the restrainer and the restrainee. Honestly, it is an experience that you must try for yourself – and once you do, you will be begging to be tied in any manner of naughty ways.

The first step to any type of bondage or restraint play is to have “the talk.” This means being open and honest with your partner about either wanting to tie him/her or wanting to be tied. You have to make sure that both of you feel secure with the idea and you always have to have a safe word. A safe word is a word not normally said within thecontext of sex, that indicates your level of uncomfortableness. A world like “lightbulb” works well. This way, if either of you are no longer enjoying what you are doing, you can say the word and even in the heat of the moment, the play can stop immediately. You should discuss what you are comfortable with: having your legs tied, but not your hands; using ribbon, not rope; only on your back and not stomach. Any specifics that will make you both comfortable should be outlined and discussed. Then, once you have decided your level of comfort, you need to also discuss what acts you are OK with while bound. Perhaps you are OK with touching and teasing, but not sex; or, you do not feel comfortable performing oral, but it is OK to have oral performed on you. Make sure you know what you feel would be pleasurable and then you will be free to explore.

I recommend that most couples start slow. Meaning, try tying up your lover with lingerie on (or boxers) instead of fully nude. This will make your lover more comfortable. Make sure you restrain them tenderly, never too tight. You do not want the circulation to be cut off to the extremities. Take your time teasing and pleasing her/him while restrained. Use the fact that her/his mobility is limited to push the limits of pleasure. Meaning, bring her/him to the brink of orgasm, and then back down again. This is a fun way to experiment with restraint play.

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Use different sensations: feathers, ice cubes, a leather belt strap (gently), soft blankets. Since your lover is at your disposal, feel free to use her / him for your pleasure in an agreed upon manner. As you get more comfortable with restraining, full on sex or oral sex can be EXTREMELY arousing when restrained. Just remember, when you are finished with your play, to remove the restraints gently and to cuddle and enjoy some intimate closeness. Especially during the first play times, as sometimes it can feel less intimate, even though, in my opinion, being restrained can be MORE intimate.

So, why would you want to try this in your bedroom? Simply, taking away just one of your lover’s senses (i.e. movement) heightens the experience. It builds trust, it encourages creativity, it allows the restrained person to enjoy things and activities without thinking about them. It is an exercise in trust and control. Couples who are close enough to experiment with restraints have good communication and trust, and this type of sexual play can only enhance that. Furthermore, when a male is restrained by a female, there is a dynamic switch that occurs and this can be extremely liberating for both partners. Having the more dominant person restrained and at your mercy can be extremely arousing! Imagine the possibilities! So, do not discount the fun you could have tying it – I mean TRYING IT – both ways! Once again, the only way you will experience the absolutely electric joys of being restrained is to TRY IT! So, read on to find some of my best suggested restraining products, shop with your partner, have “the talk” and then TIE ONE ON!

Under the Bed Restraint System

Absolutely one of my favorite items. These restraints are easy to use, adjustable, easy to hide AND flexible. The soft cuffs are great for newbies and the options are limitless for experienced players.

Knotty You Silk Rope Kit

For some couples, rope is the way to go. This makes tying outside of the bedroom a great option. Silky soft, these ropes won't burn and are very easy to untie.

Fifty Shades Hard Limits Restraint Kit

Everything you need to get your 50 shades on!

Thigh & Wrist Cuff Set

Don't knock it till you've tried it! Attaching your wrists to your thighs creates a magical position full of options.

First-Timer's Cuffs

Because everyone has to have a first time- and the blindfold is great too!

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