How To Talk To HER About Unsatisfying Sex

Our sexual relationships are a very important aspect of our relationship in general. We hope to have sex that is intimate and explosive, passionate and maybe a little kinky. What happens if our sex is, well, less than? What if it is downright unsatisfying? While any sexual relationship may have its ups and downs, ultimately it should be something satisfying for both partners. What happens when it is not really fitting the bill for you? Here are some ideas about how to talk to her about unsatisfying sex.

It may be a bit awkward to talk to your lover about your sex life being a little less than perfect. Women are people pleasers and as such they want to please the man they love in the bedroom. No one (male or female) wants to feel like a sexual failure, so be gentle with how you approach the subject and the reasons for the unsatisfying sex.

Women tend to be emotional thinkers and we also tend to over-analyze certain things. Be very mindful of the way you craft this discussion so that she doesn’t feel like you are giving her an ultimatum. For example, “Our sex life needs to get better because I am unhappy” can very easily translate to “If you don’t give me more sex I am going to cheat.” Choosing a gentle and kind way to bring up the issues in your sex life, while assuring her that you want to be with her and love her, are very important to a helpful discussion.

Why It's Important To Talk To Your Lover About Your Sex Life

You have to really think about what it is about your sex life that is unsatisfying. Are you not having sex enough in general? Do you want more blowjobs? Is she not putting in the effort? Is there a sex act that you want that she won’t do (like anal sex)? Think about what, exactly, it is that is making your sex life less than satisfactory and give her the important benefit of the specifics. Remember not to be accusatory (choose your language) so saying, “You don’t give me enough blowjobs” is not really the right approach. Instead say, “I really enjoy going down on you and would like you to go down on me a bit more too.”

While both of you are responsible for careers and things around the house, women often have extra responsibilities and pressures that many men do not have. While if you have kids you both are parents, women often take the brunt of the child raising responsibilities. Women also, usually, take on cooking and cleaning as part of their daily routine. While men sometimes take these roles on too, if your woman is the one dealing with the kids, the PTA, the cooking, cleaning and what not she honestly may be in Mommy mode more than lover mode. If this is the case, how you present the issue to her is very important. She needs to understand that YOU understand her stress and exhaustion. However, she needs to understand that sex is important too. Explain that sex can be a relaxing experience, that it can relieve some of her stress. Do not, however, make it seem like one of her “responsibilities” as that may go over badly.

If the reason your sex life feels unsatisfying is because she won’t have anal sex with you, give you a blowjob everyday, or if you want sex multiple times in a day step back and think about whether that is REALISTIC or not. Is your partner giving you sex on a regular basis? Is she giving you oral sex? Is she putting in the effort? IF all of these things are true, but it is just not enough in frequency think about what you REALLY need as far as that goes? Now, if she is just not putting in the effort, avoiding sex, or seeming uninterested, then these are things that can be addressed. Just make sure you are realistic in what you expect or desire.

How You Can Learn To Prioritize Sex

This is probably the most important but remember – it takes TWO. Great sex is not a one person job, it does take both of you. You should be as invested in making HER happy sexually as she is for you. Take a good look at your own sexual self and see if there is more you can be doing for HER as well. Are you giving her oral sex? Are you trying to do things she likes and desires in bed? Sexual pleasure is a two way street for sure!

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