How To Talk To HIM About Unsatisfying Sex

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Our sexual relationships are a very important aspect of our relationship in general. We hope to have sex that is intimate and explosive, passionate and maybe a little kinky. What happens if our sex is, well, less than? What if it is downright unsatisfying? While any sexual relationship may have its ups and downs, ultimately it should be something satisfying for both partners. What happens when it is not really fitting the bill for you? Here are some ideas about how to talk to him about unsatisfying sex. 

It may be a bit awkward to talk to your lover about your sex life being a little less than perfect. Men have egos, as we all know, and when it comes to sex they have even bigger ones. So, it is extremely important that you approach this sensitive subject with gentleness, without accusation and with the consideration that you care for or love this person. Being gentle in how you phrase things is important. For example, avoid anything accusatory or mean. Say, “I want us to have the most explosive sex life possible” and not “our sex life is not making me happy.” IF you start with language that makes HIM feel like a failure, he is likely to stop actively listening and start defending himself.

Asking him questions about how HE feels your sex life is can be a very important and easy way to bring up the dialogue. See if YOU are doing things that he likes, see if he is happy with the frequency of the activity and the range of sexual things you do. Ask him how he feels your sex life is and if he thinks there could be improvements. Then, he most likely will ask you how YOU feel about your sex life and you can then, gently, bring up whatever the issues are you are bothered by.

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You have to really think about what it is about your sex life that is unsatisfying. Are you not having sex enough in general? Is he forgetting about oral sex as much as you would like? Is it too much like a “quickie” and you would like it to be a little more involved? Are you just not having orgasms because he is not warming you up enough? Not enough kissing or foreplay? Whatever the issue is which is taking your sex to an unsatisfying level you have to narrow down to give him the specifics. If you just say, “our sex is not doing it for me” that is going to make his mind run rampant with thousands of things. You have to give him specifics, in a gentle way, and then let him process them.

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A man can make adjustments to some things, hone certain sexual skills, but he can’t, however, change the size of his penis or immediately fix a sexual dysfunction. If the reason sex is unsatisfying is because his penis is too small to hit the spots you need him to, then you may need to consider other ways to achieve orgasm before telling him what you feel about it. Perhaps he has gained some weight and these long sessions of him on top are causing him to wheeze and tired out, ending your night early. Or, if he suffers from erectile dysfunction the last thing you should do is to over analyze or mention his ED. If he is not getting help for his ED, then you can suggest he go see his doctor. Tell him it is about his health, and that you will be by his side if he needs you to. Tell him that you want to have a healthy and satisfying sex life, but you will deal with what comes but ignoring the problem will not make it better. IF the reason your sex life is unsatisfying is something deeper than lack of oral, or has to do with him PHYSICALLY, remember, these are things that may not ever change or may be hard to adjust.

This is a sensitive subject and will definitely take time for him to process. Allow him the time to process what you are telling him. He doesn’t want to think of himself as being less than a fantastic lover, so let him think about what you have said. Do not expect things to change immediately either. Or, if he does adjust his routine or sex mojo to fit in what you want, but sometimes slips back, don’t penalize him for it. When you have a sexual experience that is satisfying and to your liking TELL HIM about it. Tell him how wonderful it was and thank him for it! This will make him feel wonderful and great and he will want to replicate that again and again.

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This is probably the most important but remember – it takes TWO. Great sex is not a one person job, it does take both of you. You should be as invested in making HIM happy sexually as he is for you. Take a good look at your own sexual self and see if there is more you can be doing for HIM as well. Are you being sexy and open and giving him reasons to give you great sex? It takes two to have a happy and healthy sex life, so you do your part too!

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