I honestly have to laugh when I think about how sex has changed for me now that I am in my mid-40s as compared to me in my 20s or even 30s! I never thought I would utter the words, “I can’t do that, my knee has locked up!” Or, “Move me back a bit, my leg doesn’t bend that way!” It is like watching a sitcom where two senior citizens are trying to have sex. The truth is, as we get older many of us will experience a lack of flexibility, arthritic joints, and generalized fatigue that can greatly impact how we have sex, how long we have sex, and if we can even get into some of our favorite positions! I am fairly in shape, I exercise regularly and am semi-flexible for 46, but I have noticed a dramatic shift in how I can have sex now. So, for all of us who are experiencing this – and for all of you who will – here are 5 positions for us “older and wiser” yet slightly less flexible folks.
- STAND / LIE
If the goal is to get maximum penetration without putting pressure on the joints or the back or knees, then this is probably the easiest position for all couples. The partner who will be penetrated will lie on their back on the bed, with their butt to the very end. The penetrating partner will stand, and situate themselves in between their partner's knees, entering from a standing position. Depending on their partner's flexibility, the partner can raise their legs straight up, or to the sides. They can also bend their knees, or even let their legs dangle over the side of the bed. The penetrating partner can grab their partner's legs, knees, or ankles for stability. The strokes can be as fast or leisurely as they see fit. This one puts little to no pressure on joints, including the standing partner.
- DOGGY STAND / LIE
Sometimes, depending on the height of the bed, it is necessary to raise up the receiving partner a bit. Or, it is nice to have variety in the entrance angle. For this position, the receiver will get on their hands and knees on the bed, with their knees right on the edge. To ease the pressure on the joints pillows can be placed under their belly. Then, the penetrating partner will enter them from behind holding on to their hips for stability. The receiver can open their legs as far as is comfortable.
- LAZY LOVERS
Side-by-side positions are also very convenient because they take all the stress off of the joints and they normally do not require much flexibility. They do, however, sometimes take some adjustments to get INTO the position. An easy version to start with requires the receiving partner to lay on his/her side, with their legs spread apart. The penetrating partner will sit / recline back on their arm and scootch toward the other until they can enter their partner. Figuring out just how to fit together is like trying to put puzzle pieces together, but once you find that golden position you can easily rock back and forth to enjoy each other.
- A CLASSIC
A classic position that really is pretty easily achievable is the standard missionary position. There are many variations of this position, and they can be easily changed mid-action. The receiver lays on their back, spreading their legs so the other can enter. Depending on the giver's flexibility, knee strength, and the girth of both partners, they can either lay atop the other once they have entered the receiver and slowly penetrate; or stay up on their knees and enter, holding on to the other's knees or legs for stability. This position releases pressure on the joints for both partners and doesn’t require flexibility.
- TAKE A SEAT
This one works really well for most couples as it is easy on all the joints, the back, the hips, and the knees. The penetrating partner will sit down on a chair (preferably, a kitchen or armless chair) and the other partner will mount them as they face their partner (but this could be done in reverse as well). The important thing is, the receiver needs to be able to reach the floor so that they can use their feet for stability and to achieve a rocking motion. Once the receiving partner has been situated, they can rock back and forth or raise and lower their body onto their partner. The partner on top can use the other’s shoulders (or the back of the chair) for stability, and the partner on the bottom can encircle the other with their arms.