People assume, falsely, that those couples who are in a swinging lifestyle situation do not experience jealousy. After all, they are sharing, willingly, their partner with another person, as well as partaking in sex with a different partner themselves. The truth is, while swingers may be less prone to jealousy, it can, and does, still rear its ugly head from time to time. We all can be affected by seeing someone whom we care for engaging in exciting sex with a new partner, even if it is consensual. So, how are some ways to avoid jealousy while in the swingers lifestyle?
1. BE SECURE IN YOUR COUPLEHOOD
It seems to be common sense, but if you are insecure in your couple in general you are going to be VERY insecure in that couple when you experience swapping partners. The most successful swingers, and the least jealous ones, are very secure in their relationship. They know that there is love and honesty and respect no matter what happens outside of this dynamic. They understand, without a doubt, that at the end of the night they will still be a couple. This type of security is rare and takes time to build, but it is important to have.
2. BE IN AGREEMENT
If you are only doing swinging to make your partner happy while you are uncomfortable and unhappy, then it is not the right situation for you. You have to be in agreement about the relationship, what can and cannot happen, and both of you must be honest and in agreement to participate. If one partner is all in, and the other is only half in, then jealousy is going to happen because one partner doesn't want this type of dynamic.
3. BE SELF-CONFIDENT
It is not enough to be secure in the couple, you also have to be secure with yourself. It is absolutely essential to have a very secure sense of self, have confidence, and be sexually secure. This means that no matter what happens between your partner and the other person you know that YOU can hold your own sexually. That you are not intimidated by another person's sexual prowess. Sure, we all have different skills and we all have varying degrees of sexual performance, but when you are confident in yourself as a sexual being, then it is much less likely to be jealous of another.
4. BE HONEST
There is a lot of jealousy in relationships where there is a lack of honesty. How can you feel relaxed and happy to share your partner when there is some deception going on? It is absolutely essential to have honesty in any relationship, but especially those that allow partners to go outside of a couple to find sexual enjoyment. Sneaking around, lying, or telling your partner untruthful things about how you feel about swinging or an experience before, during or after the fact is a recipe for jealous and the demise of the relationship.
5. HAVE RULES
It may seem odd to think about having sexual rules in a swinging relationship, but the truth is the rules help to keep things honest, above board, and keeps the jealousy at bay. You may have rules such as these:
* Only agreed upon partners
* No repeat partners
* Only allowed to swap when the other partner is swapping also
* No kissing (or other activity that you want to remain between the two of you)
* No friends
These types of rules are just the tip of the iceberg, but they really can help to keep things clear for both of you. If you know, for example, that your partner will not be having anal sex with the new partner, that it is an activity reserved just for your couple, then it may be easier to stave off the jealousy.
6. CONFRONT YOUR JEALOUSY
If you find yourself being jealous, ask yourself WHY? Why are you jealous? Is this other partner thinner than you? Do they have nicer breasts? Does he have a more muscular physique? Did your partner look at him / her in a sensual way that made it obvious how excited they were to engage in sex with them? When you confront the reason for the jealousy it is much easier to eliminate it. If you think, for example, that the female your partner is going to swap with has better breasts than you, find something about yourself that you find better than hers. Or, just remind yourself that your partner loves your breasts and comments all the time on how much he loves them. IT is easier to get rid or fight of jealousy when we know the why.
Remember: it is about both of you. Oftentimes when we encounter jealousy it is because we are thinking about how our partner is doing x, y or z with the other partner and not with us. We fail to remember that we are often engaging in x, y or z with another partner ourselves. Swinging is about both of you, to bring you both happiness and sexual excitement in to a relationship. If it is not about both of you, or if you are doing this FOR someone else, and not for you as well, then jealousy will seep in for sure. Remember that you both chose to encounter this type of situation and it is to bring both of you pleasure.
7. CONFRONT YOUR POSSESSIVENESS
Jealousy often comes from this sense of possessiveness. HE is mine! SHE is mine! When we want to possess another person in this way, claiming their body and all things sex for ourselves we are unable to separate the actions and jealous will enter at a full speed run. People who cannot let this go, or who cannot realize that, yes, this partner is YOURS and look how lucky you are to be able to go home with him / her, will not do well swinging. There is a sense of pride in knowing someone else wants to have sex with our partner, that sense of pride can eliminate jealousy. Or, if it becomes possessiveness, it will foster that jealousy.
How Do You Avoid Jealousy?
Let Us Know Below!