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Ask Me Anything - TooTimid Sexperts

Posted by TooTimid Sexperts to General / Misc Info
Ask Me Anything! Ask A Sexpert A Question

Share your questions about sex and relationships below! 

At TooTimid, we strive to help enhance the sex lives and relationships of individuals around the world and we want to know what you're curious about! Our Sexperts are here to help answer your queries about topics such as:

• Best Sex Toys
• Oral Sex Techniques
• Sex Positions
• Enhancers For Couples
• Intimacy Issues
• Sexual Health Recommendations
• Masturbation Tips
• and Much More!

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Date 8/7/2018
If I'm new to anal play, should I start with beads or plugs? Or does it even matter?

Sexpert Response @Gary: "When it comes to introducing anal play, you of course want to educate yourself on the anatomy and have an understanding for the way your body works and what you're about to do. Once you've decided that you want to experiment with butt stuff, always have lube on hand! A great silicone based lube will be thick and comfortable to use for anal. If you're nervous about using sex toys right off the bat, you can always experiment with a finger of thumb! Everyone has certain preferences, but we'd recommend starting with an anal training kit, which usually includes 3-4 butt plugs that graduate in size. This will slowly ease your body into anal play and you can find which plug best stimulates you!"

Date 8/9/2018
What are the most common issues you hear couples having?

Sexpert Response @Rebecca: "The most common issues we hear about couples having, tend to be sex related issues. Everything from erectile issues, lacking libido, fatal missing attraction as partner's age, to premature ejaculation or for ladies, the lack of being able to orgasm and vaginal dryness. And of course, many couples find themselves here shopping and reading with us because they're bored and are looking for different ways to spice things up again!"

Date 8/10/2018
I've been working on experiencing a g-spot orgasm with my partner, but now I'm curious what other "types" of orgasms are out that that I should be experiencing! Any suggestions??

Sexpert Response @Georgiagirl1: "There's a number of ways to spice up your orgasms! Of course, experiencing a squirting g-spot orgasm is always one that every woman should try and accomplish at least once! But let's be honest if you discover it once, you'll give it to yourself again and again! Aside from g-spot orgasms, you can experience clit orgasms, and anal orgasms. Then there's the more difficult ones (but definitely still available) like the A-spot orgasm, which is your inner vaginal zone, known as the anterior fornix. Many try and experiment with this orgasm, because you can accomplish it with penetration only. Another very similar type is the cervical orgasm, U-spot orgasm. Also don't forget to play around with blended orgasms such as wearing a butt plug while enjoying penetration and a vibe on your clit! Woah! Or try and have multiple orgasms, one after the other! And remember, your ears, lips, nipples and breasts are all packed with nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated! Try and reach climax from just fooling around externally all over your body!"

Date 8/11/2018
Is it weird to gift sex toys to your new married friends? I thought it would be fun, but I don't want to offend anyone.

Sexpert Response @QR: "Everyone is different, we've definitely heard stories of this going both ways. We personally think sex toys make great gifts for baby showers, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and more! We have a wide selection of products that were made as the perfect gift! Including date night kits and adult games! If you're worried about giving them something so intimate and personal, I would suggest leaning towards something less erotic like an adult board game! But you know your friends best!"

Date 8/13/2018
This is along the same lines as Gary... How do I get my wife to do anything but poopoo (pun intended) trying anal?

Sexpert Response @B R: "Hey B R! We're not exactly sure what you're asking here, but if you're asking how to avoid a stinky mess during anal sex, there's a number of steps you can take beforehand! Try showering before, using a water enema kit, and try to use the bathroom well before you plan to have anal sex."

Date 8/15/2018
How can I get my partner to want to use sex toys with me in the bedroom?

Sexpert Response @Sahraya: "Like with many things within a relationship, communication is key. You especially want to feel comfortable communication your sexual desires to your romantic partner. If you're interested in introducing sex toys to the bedroom, start the conversation with your partner the next time the two of you are alone! Be sure to be sensitive and explain that sex toys aren't a replacement, but an enhancement. They're exactly what they're called - toys! They're added for extra fun and your partner remains the one giving you pleasure. Intimacy can even increases between partners when they use a toy during sex. Tell your partner what the toys will do for them, and what they'll do for you and why you think it will be fun! At the end of the day, you know your partner best, but remember honest communication is key! You both should want each other to be sexually satisfied so don't hold back on telling your partner what you want in bed!"

Date 8/15/2018
What's the best lube!!!

Sexpert Response @Meg: "There are so many good lubes!!! Depending on what you are using the lube for, different lubes are going to be better than others. When practicing anal play, you'll want a thick silicone lube, but if you're ever using lube with a silicone toy, you NEVER want to use silicone lube, but instead something water based. Our favorite to always recommend is Astroglide! It's a water based lubricant that has the lasting quality of a silicone based lube! So it's of course safe to use with condoms and your sex toys!"

Date 8/16/2018
I've been with my partner for over 5 years now and I've been struggling back and forth with how to tell her I want to be in an open relationship. Looking for tips on how to start the conversation.

Sexpert Response @Ben: "It sounds like you've already made up your mind, but make sure you've done some 'soul searching' before you talk to your partner. Just to make sure this is really what you want. Can you provide your partner with reasons to why you want it and why you think it would be good for you and good for them? Once you’ve made the decision that this is what you want, decide how to gently bring up the subject, be comfortable in your reasons for why you want this, and be ready for a long, open discussion. When you go to bring up the topic gently, make sure the two of you are alone with plenty of time to talk. It helps if you’re both in a good place in the relationship and aren’t currently stressed. You know your partner best, so be sure to tell them how much you love them and explain why you are considering this path. There’s no perfect timing to bring it up, so once you have enough confidence, go for it! When you open the discussion, be sure to have an explanation for what you expect and want out of an open relationship. Have some ideas and guidelines ready to help show your partner what you have in mind. Of course, in the end you both will decide together how things will work, but this at least helps open your partner’s mind to what you visualize for this open relationship. Everything you do should support the primary relationship, so when agreeing on guidelines make sure to put each other first, not the secondaries."

Date 8/16/2018
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years, and every time I turn around he's watching porn. He says he watches it because he imagines me in the situations and wonders if I would like it. To me, that doesn't make any sense and is there for a lie. He is obsessed with porn, and I don't think he should be watching other women having sex unless after he gives me plenty of attention and I'm fully satisfied, and after all that he has extra sexual energy (I highly doubtful this will happen) then by all means go for it. Am I over reacting or do I have a valid point? Please help

Sexpert Response @Jennylonglegs: "Let us start by saying, your emotions are valid. If he is getting new ideas to bring into the bedroom, great! But like you said, you need to see him bring that sexual energy into your love making. If you are communicating with your partner that you need more sexual attention, try and give them specific details on what your desires are. If him watching porn isn't the problem, but the lack of intimacy in the bedroom is, be sure to state that clearly. Something like, 'I don't care that you watch porn, but I do mind when I feel like I'm being put 2nd to it and you are neglecting me sexually.' When it comes to watching porn, many view it as a solo activity. However, we always recommend couples watch it together! You can share the experience together, learn what your partner likes, and find new things that you like. 9 years is quite the accomplishment and it's great you've been able to share so many years together; don't be afraid to spice things up!"

Date 9/3/2018
Help! My boyfriend and I tried to have sex the first time, this week. I am divorced , and have not had sex for over 10 yrs, my choice. ( jokingly, I am a born again virgin) Everthing was AMZING! Until I went down on him ... HE. IS. HUGE.! I’m 58, I been w a few men, married twice ... I have never had any trouble pleasuring a man! And it wasn’t just his length ... it was also his girth. I was disappointed because I like giving oral sex. That’s always been my go to move. Moving on to intercourse went well enough ... UNTIL I could not accommodate his penis .... a little / a lot of tightness was expected. But when he tried to get all the way in during the final thrusts, he ripped me apart! ( he didn’t mean to hurt me and he’s not into pain.) But the last inches hurt! At that point pain was so bad I yelped or let out a little scream, so he’d stop and then we try again. He and I were both patient ...we stopped at round 3. Afterwards my vagina was bleeding, the pains and cramping were quite severe.... ( non of which I told him) WHAT CAN I DO to accommodate him and have a regular sex life. If he holds back,so as not to hurt me, then he doesn’t get the friction and further arousal to orgasm. Please tell me what I can do. Tight is fine. Uncomfortable, is fine. Pain, is not fine. It’s been 2 days. Tomorrow I will call my gynecologist to make sure isn’t any damage.. The bleeding has stopped. There must be a way! What can he or I do? I look forward to your reply. Thank you in advance.

Sexpert Response @Kathleen: "It’s awesome to hear you’re getting yourself back out there and trying to enjoy yourself! So sorry to hear that it definitely did NOT go as planned. But do not fear, there’s a number of things you can do to create a happy, healthy and pain-free sex life together! If you have a partner whose penis is too big, try warming up for at least 20 minutes. Yes it’s great that you love giving him oral, but make sure he is warming up your body in return. Like really engage in hot, sexy foreplay. Ask him to use a toy or himself! Your vagina will naturally lubricate itself and expand the more turned on you are. It isn’t a quick thing, it can take several minutes so we recommend at least 20 minutes of foreplay. And don’t feel like you’re just putting the sex off. You’re not! Enjoy the entire sexual experience; intercourse isn’t the only part that counts, it’s all intimate and special! However, when you do approach penetration, be sure to take is slowly! It sounds like he wants to go hard and deep, but just ask him to be patient! Nothing is too big. Think about childbirth! Your vagina can expand over 200% when aroused and so much more to push out a baby’s head. Anyways, yes - do not fear, but ask your partner to be cautious and communicate to him when it feels good and when you’re ready for more, or when you need less. Try different positions, new positions, and find what feels best. You can always try sexual enhancers as well! You should always use lots and lots of lube during intercourse, especially in this type of a situation. You can also have him wear a cock ring. It will create extra stimulation for you and shorten his shaft, lessening his insertable length and making it a little easier on you. And when it comes to giving him head, try cutting yourself a break from time to time and get a textured sleeve to give him amazing hand jobs!"

Date 9/4/2018
Deborah Fobear
Hello there was wondering if I can get you help on an issue I have been having with my partner. each time we have had sex I bleed this bothers him he thinks he's hurting me but he doesn't. he's like 7 in but girthy. I've had 3 partners in the past they were normal size and never had issues. I am 51 can you give advise thank you and have a great day! Deb

Sexpert Response @Deborah Fobear: "Thanks for writing Deb! Postcoital bleeding is actually more common than most would think! And it definitely doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him, or you. The source of bleeding can be different and anyone who engages in sex can experience bleeding afterwards. Some causes are injury, such as tearing. But it doesn’t sound like sex hurts for you? Most likely if you experience injury to your sensitive genital tissues you wouldn’t be enjoying sex at the moment. Vaginal dryness is another cause for bleeding. There’s a number of things that can cause the vagina to dry including ovary damage, douching, and engaging in intercourse before your aroused. Make sure you two are engaging in foreplay each time! Also be cautious of any infections or any abnormalities that might be causing you to bleed. We would recommend you see your doctor if the minor bleeding lasts for more than 1 to 2 days and in your case if it's happening every time a visit to the doctor sounds best!"

Date 9/8/2018
mark tiller
so my wife was raised in a house were sex was never talked about and was a dirty subject i want more than anything to get her to open up and tell me and show me how to please her any suggestions

Sexpert Response @mark tiller: "No matter what stage your relationship is in, communication will always be key. It’s important that she understands talking is going to set the foundation for everything in your relationship. If she isn’t willing to discuss sex with you, it makes it very difficult for you two to have any type of sex life. So first off, breath. You’re doing a great job by trying to encourage her to be open. And it seems clear that all you want to do is sexually please her. It’s good that she’s given you a back story on why she has this timid view of sex, however I would ask her if she’s willing to try and change it? Of course she won’t wake up tomorrow and all her views will have shifted, but maybe she can see a counselor to talk about her issues with intimacy. Even better, you both could see a sex therapist together! You should really ask her if she’d like to spend some time educating each other on sex. Jump on the forums here at TooTimid, or read other blogs and find good stories that you both can enjoy together. Try and show her that sex isn’t dirty and it doesn’t have to be something she’s shy about! Let her know you want to have a sex life that’s fulfilling to you and still comfortable with her. I’m sure you’ve tried, but if you know she likes to masturbate, you can get her a new toy and encourage her to experiment on herself. Ask her later to show you what she learned! No matter what route you take, it sounds like she’ll need reassurance so be sure to tell her her how much you like having sex with her. Tell her what you enjoy and say how excited you get just thinking about having sex with her. She might be a little scared to start, but it’s sexy to talk about sex and hopefully she will get more comfortable with it overtime."

Date 9/11/2018
Okay I'm 27 I'm seeing a gentlemen who is 53 and let me tell you straight up hes a pain in the ass, he claims his doctor said he masturbated too much which causes him to not fully keep an erection. Well I got a cock ring he won't use it he claims hes tried viagra and it makes him "sick" so is there anything else I can try because we have no sex life but once a year, it's boring he cant get it up and keep it up but won't do anything to help himself with it and won't finish me off, typical man to be stubborn and not go to the doctor

Sexpert Response @Ab: "Sorry To hear about your situation Ab! That must be really frustrating to deal with. As I'm sure you're aware, the best way to resolving an issue in any relationship is communication. If you are having these strong of feelings about him, it would probably be worth getting them off your chest. Maybe ask him again why it is that he hasn’t gone to find another solution to the issue. Does it have something to do with you? Is he unhappy with himself? It could honestly be a number of things. If he has the desire to still be able to please you, ask him if he would ever be willing to try a penis extender or a hollow strap-on. Hollow straps are great for a man in his situation who may have a harder time getting an erection because, the dildo on the strap is already hard and ready to go when you are, so you wouldn't have to worry about him not being able to get an erection. Another alternative is buying a vibrator that suits your needs for when he's not around, or if he's willing to tease and please you with it. Hope this helps, Cheers! - MR"

Date 9/20/2018
This will be my first time using a sex toy. I'm worried about it breaking inside of me. I've read where with the rabbits, sometimes the ears fall off. What happens then? It would be very embarrassing to have to go and have parts removed from your vagina, and what happens, if this happens?

Sexpert Response @Lerner: "Hi Lerner! I can see why you would have these concerns! However, good news is, this is more rare than it is common! Most sex toys, at least the ones of good quality, are made with top grade materials, and are secured in ways that would make it close to impossible to get it it stuck up there. It is important to be mindful when making choices about sex toys though. If you’re worried about getting a smaller toy stuck in you, try something bigger & longer, like a standard dildo. As for your concerns about the rabbit vibrators, the rabbit ears are made to be used against your clit, rather than being inserted. Adult toys are amazing tools to consider adding to your sex life and we suggest doing your research on what kind of toys would best for you ahead of time. If you are a beginner with toys, check out our beginner vibrators page. If you want the comfort of knowing you can return a toy if it’s broken, read up on the companies return policy before purchasing. We have our own return policy at TooTimid if this sort of thing is to ever happen that you can read more about here: If you do purchase a toy however and have a mishap such as this that happens, go to the ER immediately. Don't try to dislodge it yourself. Hope this helps! Cheers! - MR"

Date 10/3/2018
Corey Barber
What is the best aphrodisiac for men, that gives the similar effects of meth and ecstasy?

Sexpert Response @Corey Barber: "Hi Corey! Not completely sure what you mean here, but I'll do my best to recommend some products that you may find fitting for your adventurous needs! At TooTimid, we have a variety of different kinds of products for men that will help stimulate their sex lives with their partner, as well as boost their solo time! We offer multiple creams and lubricants to enhance your sexual experience. Sensation play is often times said to be very invigorating, to do this you can check out or warming and cooling lubricants here: and . If you want a toy to stroke your member, give our Double Delight Masturbator a try, as it simulates oral sex on one end, and a vaginal opening on the other. Hope these suggestions help! Cheers! - MR"

Date 12/6/2018
I would like some masturbation tips that don’t include buying toys. For 5 years now I’ve just been dealing with my water faucet and fingers. Any advise on how to spice it up with technique, positions, or pleasure friendly house hold objects?

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