Sorry, Nina, I liked you better in '85
Doc: The first time I whacked off to a Nina Hartley movie, Ronald Reagan was starting his second term in office. She and I are the same age, which doesn't necessarily bode well for successful wanking a couple of decades later. Plus, this is an Adam and Eve movie, which in my book means lame attempts at plot, and a weird Cinemax-style porn experience. The Eris and I were excited to watch some free porn together, but within a few minutes of the first scene (apparently Fabio and Courtney Love, filmed under heat lamps) we were reaching for the fast forward button. We kept the remote close by for the remainder of the movie. Nina Hartley does a voiceover, seemingly from somewhere in the corner of the room; a corner without microphones. I guess that this movie is supposed to be "couples porn," maybe a nudge-nudge, wink-wink way for us guys to get our girls to try a little anal. Well, The Eris and I are a couple, we love the porn AND the anal, and we wanted nasty girls being fucked hard in the ass. No such luck. I have to give it a thumb, and a penis, down. Eris: Hm. Ok, we fast-forwarded through a lot of scenes because it looked like they were just running through the motions with as much kink packed in as possible. As if they had a quota to fill and how much KINK can you cram into one scene? Latex and milk. Two transsexuals dancing, oh wait that's Nina Hartley, sorry. Bondage gear lacking bondage-y behavior. Medical alien speculum girl-on-girl porn. A true cornucopia of would-be kink in bad lighting, with bad audio. I have to say that when they brought up the two-guys-on-one-girl, I thought we were going to be ok. Unfortunately the fake bondage gear meant nothing, the men looked bored and the girl was TOTALLY faking it. This movie had potential for someone who is lacking in any porn experience or who wants to believe that kink is "romantic" somehow. I was hoping that noisy girl in the bondage gear was going to get a good slap, but no such luck
Reviewed by: doc_and_eris from Unknown.