Ahhhh, the most-asked questions on the discussion forum as well as in my personal life:
Do you ever get sick of playing with toys? Do they take the ‘spontaneity and fun’ out of sex? My answer: "NO OF COURSE NOT!!!"
Many people (both men and women) are of the uneducated (meaning, no knowledge, not stupidity) opinion that using toys somehow lessens the experience for one or both parties. Or, that using toys causes a dependence on them. Both of these assumptions couldn’t be further from the truth. I have always viewed the use of toys as an enhancement, never an intrusion. Furthermore, just because you use a sex toy once, doesn’t mean it has to make an appearance EVERY time you have sexual relations – and if it does, so what? Sex is about mutual pleasure, and if a toy-such as a bullet-can enhance your personal pleasure why not use it?
Here are some simple reasons why couples (or singles) use sexual enhancement products:
Masturbatory aids for solo play
For Clitoral stimulation during intercourse
To aide in Erectile Dysfunction
For couple arousal
Oral sex aids
To liven up sex in general
What, I ask you, is wrong with any of the above reasons? If you are going to have solo play time, then why not utilize a toy to increase your pleasure? Solo play time is just that, solo time. Using a sex toy in addition to your fingers or other ‘manners’ can only be seen as a person’s ‘right’ to fully enjoy this stress relieving activity. Furthermore, since upwards of 85% of all women need clitoral stimulation to climax, why not use a sex toy to provide that clitoral stimulation in a more sufficient manner. Sure, fingers work fine – but if you use a vibrating toy, you can increase the amount and intensity of such orgasms. This can be enjoyable for both partners – as the more orgasms the woman has, the better it feels for her partner.
Natural Issues with Men
Many men have some level of erectile dysfunction – premature ejaculation, failure to remain erect – and for many men, using a sexual enhancement product (cock rings, desensitizing creams, erectile creams) can become a great asset to enhancing and increasing sexual activity. Furthermore, for many men, just using a sex toy or watching their partner using one can breathe new life into them. This is exactly why using sexual enhancement products can be the best couple’s arousers – even toys that are not specifically for use by both simultaneously (couples cock rings) – can be stimulating. Vibrators and bullets can arouse and excite both partners – for whatever feels good on a clitoris can feel even better on a penis!
Oral Sex Enhancers
Furthermore, oral sex is one foreplay item that seems to fall by the wayside in many relationships. Specific oral sex aids such as oral sex gels can bring new excitement and an eager need to revisit the art of oral sex. Foreplay is an essential part of lovemaking – and for many couples, using sexual enhancement products makes foreplay hot and exciting again. Being aroused and excited about sex can only lift up the moment shared by both partners and make sex fun and erotic. The use of sexual enhancement products (even light restraints) can bring sex back to the forefront of a relationship, instead of in the background. Now what, may I ponder, is wrong with that?
Here are some reasons why some believe that sexual enhancement products ruin sex:
You shouldn’t NEED a sex toy
A sex toy replaces the ‘real thing’
Toys are unnatural additions to sex
You will become dependent on them
Toys desensitize you and make you not as sensitive to real touch
First, let us distinguish between a ‘need’ and a ‘want.’ Sure, no couple NEEDS a sex toy – they are optional and not required for sex. However, wanting to liven up and increase arousal and climax during sex should be something that every couple WANTS. If a sex toy can bring increased pleasure to both partners – why not engage it? Using it once doesn’t mean that you are always going to use it? People who think that desiring to use a sexual enhancement product makes sex ‘dirty’ or unnatural are simply uniformed and afraid, quite frankly, of trying something new and different.
What Sex Toys Can Teach You About Life
They Cannot Replace the Real Thing...Right?
Second, there are those who think that if a woman (or a man) uses a toy that resembles ‘the real thing’ (penis or vagina) that it is a replacement. Some assume that if a woman gets a perpetually erect ‘sex toy’ in her possession that she will no longer have need or desire for a real man. This is a ludicrous assumption. It is true that a real penis doesn’t run on batteries and have a clitoral stimulator – but, no toy can replace the human connection. Being desired and loved, touched and teased by a real person. Toys can be wonderfully stimulating, but to use toys alone still means you are just that – ALONE!
But is it Natural to Use One?
Thirdly, some people (mostly women) find that using a sexual enhancement product is an unnatural addition to sex. Why use what ‘God’ did not provide. Or, some men feel that if their partner uses or wants to use a toy that she must not be satisfied by them. This is simply not true or accurate. The use of toys by couples is always and enhancement and does not speak at all to the ability of their partner to excite or arouse them. Sure, there are instances when medical conditions make arousal more difficult – and then toys can be a great help in overcoming those obstacles – but they cannot take away from the real thing.
Increasing Orgasmic Pleasure
So, if a woman is using a sex toy to increase her orgasmic pleasure during intercourse (or during solo play) will she then become ‘addicted’ to the use of the toy? No, not at all. Take my own sex life for example. I love to use a mini-vibe during intercourse for clitoral stimulation. I use my bullet approximately 95% of the time. I love to have multiple orgasms – so I love to use my bullet. There are those occasions when I do not use my toys – at all – and those nights of sex are equally as stimulating. So, I am in no way ‘addicted’ to my toys, but I sure as heck am glad I have them!
Desensitization - Is it true?
Finally, some are of the opinion that using toys for clitoral stimulation causes a ‘desensitization’ to real touch. This, of course, is hogwash as well. While it is true that a finger cannot vibrate as fast as a vibrator – but it is not always the speed as much as the entire experience. Fingers, tongues can still and DO still excite and arouse a woman who uses a vibrator. In order for desensitization to occur it would take such immense use of a vibrator to cause it that no regular use could ever cause such a reaction.
Mikayla's Final Note: Hopefully this article sheds some light on the truths and myths of sexual enhancement products and their overall affect on a relationship. While the use of such products is always a personal choice and also dependent upon many other factors, it should be known that prejudgment of the use of such products occurs readily as well as without proper information or education.
Sexual enhancement products have their time and place, and should always be viewed as a welcome addition to a relationship. They are not needed, but wanted. They are not replacements, but enhancements. They are not evil, but good. It is a personal and private decision to use an enhancement product and it is my wish that more people would become open to the possibility. After all, sex toys won’t change the world, but they sure could change your sexual relationship!
Share With Us!