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Threesomes 101: A Beginner's Guide to Threesomes

Posted by Mikayla to Men's Issues
Do you know what a “threesome” or ménage-a-trois is?  In simple terms a threesome is sexual activity between 3 people at the same time.  This mixture of participants can be any combination of genders, but the one most commonly thought of and discussed is the FFM (female-female-male) version.  What man hasn’t had the fleeting – or not so fleeting – thought of himself and two women all tangled up with each other?  In fact, statistically this is the number one fantasy most men have, even if they are never going to act on it!  So, what do you do if you really want to try for a threesome?  Are there rules?  Is it a good idea?  Is it as fun as everyone says it is (or that you believe it could be)?  If you are thinking of adding a third to your couple read our Threesomes 101 Guide for some hints, suggestions, tricks and even some possible deterrents before you welcome another into your bed!

TO BE OR NOT TO BE 3:
  The first thought, obviously, is SHOULD you try to have a sexual threesome?  If you are in any type of relationship - whether it be monogamous or casual dating -  you still need to discuss this desire with your partner.  Particularly if you are the male in the relationship and wish to bring another woman into your bed.  This can be a very stressful
conversation if your woman is not open to such things.   You probably already have an inkling as to whether your partner is open-minded enough to want this to happen.  There is a lot to consider when having a threesome, including jealousy, which can occur on both sides of the fence.  Is your woman open to sexual activity with another female?  Are you open to sexual activity with another male? Being bi-curious does not mean that when push comes to shove that you or she will be able to take the plunge into a bisexual encounter.  This means that one of you may be left out of the fun.  Furthermore, it is possible that the male in the couple could feel awkward or hesitant to enjoy sexual activity with another woman with his partner in the same bed.  These are all valid thoughts, feelings, and emotions so it is imperative for you to DISCUSS your wants, desires, thoughts and feelings with regard to this activity before you even attempt to find a partner to dive in with! 

Neither of you should engage in a threesome if you feel pressured by your partner or out of fear of losing them.  Relationships are built on trust, honesty and a mutual respect for each other’s boundaries.  Having a threesome can test ALL of these concepts.  The ultimate reason to experience a threesome is for mutual pleasure and a shared experience.  If you can be open and honest about your excitement, fears, thoughts and expectations then you are well on your way to having a very enjoyable experience.

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THE RULES OF THE GAME:  If you both agree that a threesome is something you would like to experience, you need to set up some rules and boundaries.  This should happen BEFORE you ever consider looking for a person with whom to have the threesome.  Some common aspects to discuss are:  agreeing on a person, a location (hotels are usually less intimate than your own bed!), what activities are acceptable (i.e. no one is left on the sidelines, no kissing, no ejaculating inside the other woman), what sex acts will be done (anal, vaginal, oral), what safety precautions will be used (condoms, dental dams), what could happen that would make each of you uncomfortable, what things you would like to happen to have more fun.   If you have a clear understanding of the rules then when the situation occurs you can both go into the experience knowing how not to upset your partner.

PICKING THE THIRD WHEEL:   Once you have discussed the rules, it is time to pick your third.  This can be very tricky because you have to both be attracted to him or her, you need to have some semblance of trust, and you should consider safety on all levels (STDs, emotional, physical).  You want to ultimately enjoy the experience, so if you are worried, it may not work out well.  Usually it is wise to stay away from close friends.  While it may seem like a good choice, it can make future outings together uncomfortable. Jealousy has a way of working its way into even the most secure relationships.  Similarly, you do not want to go to the local bar and find the first available woman (or man) you both think is hot.  This is dangerous for obvious reasons.  Usually, a semi-safe way to do this is to put up an ad on a dating site or on a website specifically designed for threesomes (and moresomes) or even swingers.  This way, you can have some dialogue beforehand, see pictures, discuss STD testing, etc.  It is an easy way to get excited about the person who you are choosing together, as well as run all the rules by her (or him) before you even meet.  Keep in mind if your partner shows ANY hesitation at all with the person, respect that and keep looking until you find one who works for both of you.

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MEET AND GREET:  While it may seem like a threesome is a “spur of the moment” thing that spontaneously happens when you are out at a club, the truth is, it doesn’t work that way.  Life is not a porno flick and there are real consequences to your actions that can last well after the day you hit the sheets together.  So, it is always advisable to meet your interest before you actually HAVE your threesome!  This allows all of you to see if there is a mutual attraction in person, if you all feel you could go through with the actual encounter, and overall get a sense of how this person would interact with both of you.  Casual drinks with some flirty talk and even semi-foreplay can be very important to make you all comfortable with the idea.  A threesome will work out MUCH better if there is some semblance of comfort – especially for the woman in the couple.

DOING THE DIRTY DEED:  So, all your ducks are in a row and you are ready for the actual activity.  There will be nerves, excitement, fear and, maybe, some jealousy.  The most important thing to remember when you are in a threesome experience is that:  THERE ARE 3 OF YOU!  This means that all people should be interactive as much as possible.  You should not just leave one person hanging out by themselves.  If you are giving oral sex to one woman, the other should be invited to pleasure you. If the two women are pleasuring each other, the man can touch, caress, and stroke both women.  If intercourse is happening between the male and one of the females it is important to incorporate the other person.  Be mindful that there are more people to pleasure and infinite ways to do so.  The idea is a continuous circle of pleasure that all of you should enjoy.  Once again, life is not a porno flick.  This means that things in real life may go differently than you planned so go with the flow and enjoy it!

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POST PLAY POSSIBILITIES: After the heat of the experience has left and the three of you are, well, done it can be a tense time where you do not know what to do together?  Do you all cuddle?  Do you cuddle with only your partner?  Do you all get up and leave and not say anything?  Do you ask your partner how it was?  What DO you do?  Well, this varies by experience but most commonly you do not want to cause any bad feelings or jealousy.  Use your common sense in what you talk about and discuss and FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY – avoid the urge to COMPARE!  I don’t care if you are a man or a woman; it is not at all wise to “compare” the sexual skills of your lover to the third person.  NO NO NO!  Men can get jealous, too.  Just enjoy the afterglow, be cordial and warm and end things on a positive note.  Then, after your third has left, you can talk about how the experience was, what you liked about it (NOT ABOUT HIM OR HER) and if you want to do it again.

So, there are the basics to having a threesome!  Tune in soon for a more in-depth look at ways to HAVE a threesome successfully!

Would You Have A Threesome?

Let Us Know!

Comments

Date 1/5/2015
dave
My wife and i have talked about this but we think it would be hard to find some one we like. Really we would love to have a bi foursome cause we both what to see what it would be like. I would love to be in a 69 with my wife as a big cock was sliding in and out of her. She say that would be a dream come true.
Date 3/14/2015
Carla
Totally would. I would love to have a threesome with 2 guys or 2 girls and 1 guy. My bf seems pretty open to the idea but he rather it be a girl, lol. Doesn't matter to me!
Date 4/3/2015
anon
would love to see my wife getting f***ed while she blew me so ya i definitely would do 1
Date 4/21/2015
Gallant
I guess I would be cool if it was another chick but definitely not a dude no!
Date 7/1/2015
pussyliqour
Im lookin forward to my first threesum this weekend. Wish me luck!
Date 7/5/2015
garett
i want to have a threesome soooo bad but i don't think my girl will go for it ... :( she says shes interested in girls but doesnt wanna do anything.
Date 7/7/2015
garett
i want to have a threesome soooo bad but i don't think my girl will go for it ... :( she says shes interested in girls but doesnt wanna do anything.
Date 7/13/2015
CharlaCharla
I think threesomes may actually be the most fun I've ever had in bed. If you have the right people it can be so rewarding!
Date 10/4/2015
Danny
I've only had the chance once! I was in the military, in my early 20s, stationed near San Diego, Ca. I met a girl and we seemed to hit it off right from the start. Second time we went on an actual "date" she asked if we could stop at a friends as we were walking to the car following dinner. I didn't see any issue with the request. It was about a 30 min drive from Old Town if you are familiar with San Diego. Which I found a bit odd as we were going to go dancing at a club on Coronado Island in the opposite direction. We got there and went in to a nice middle class home in the "Burbs". She introduced the woman that answered the door, "This is my Mom!" I almost choked. Then things really started to get strange. Twilight Zone strange!!! The next morning after we all showered together and then had breakfast, I said my goodbyes and said I would call later. I drove away shaking my head and smiling uncontrollably! She never returned any of my messages.... I would love to have a third or maybe even a fourth join my Wife and I.
Date 10/4/2015
Monicalusting
I would love to have a threesome however my husband is very prudish and won't do it. Not even FFM!! Soo curious!!
Date 10/4/2015
Locked & Loaded
Already in progress here! I am locked in male chastity and my wife brings quite a variety to our relationship with other fellows (and sometimes ladies) to add to the intrigue of it all. Hey, sometimes I get lucky and get to cum!

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