Having A Threesome

Is it a good idea?

“Oh my Gosh! Do you see that woman over there? I would DIE to see the two of you going at it in bed and then maybe, I could join in!”

“I bet you would. Then you would run off with her and leave me all alone, right?”

“Hell no baby, you know you are the only woman for me!”

“Uh huh, sure, that is why you just fantasized about me and that other woman ‘doin’ you’ together in bed, cause I am the ONLY woman for you, right”

“Just forget I ever brought it up then!”

“Yeah, that is what I thought you said!”

This little conversation is more common than people think – and occurs between many happy couples every, single day. WHY? Well, basically, having a threesome – namely, two women being eagerly satisfied by the star player – the man – is the NUMBER 1 fantasy of men!

What, may you ask, is the number one fantasy of women? Well, usually it is having sex with someone other than their hubby or boyfriend – someone famous usually. However, a close second is the exact same fantasy! YES, I said the “exact” same – meaning 2 women and one man! Surprised? Research indicates that more women have lesbian erotic fantasies when it comes to thinking in threes than adding in another man. Perhaps this is because one man in any woman’s life is more than enough! No, I am just kidding. The more accepted answer is that our society breeds women to be closer - to touch, kiss, hold hands. This natural closeness that women share naturally transcends to sexual touch and erotic nature – not for every woman – but for many the leap to lesbianism is not as far as once imagined. Of course, there is a huge difference between thinking in threes and doing the deed! There is much to consider before engaging in a threesome – and this article will explore the good and the bad – the reasons to and the reasons you may want to reconsider.

As always, it is important to remember that in a situation like this the decision is ultimately YOURS – no one can make you have a threesome, or definitively tell you “why” or “why not” to. However, sometimes being informed on a subject is the best way to weigh out your options. As a person who has had a few threesomes – I feel that I am advice based on my experience. Whether you take the advice is ultimately, up to you!

MÉNAGE-A-YES?
There are many reasons that a couple should or would want to have a threesome:

1. Sexually arousing

2. Exploring your sexuality

3. Breathes new life into a relationship

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4. Can bring the couple closer together

5. You can learn about your lover

6. You can develop a whole new lifestyle or three-way relationship

BEFORE YOU BEGIN...
Before any threesome is ever begun, it is essential to have ground rules. The couple should talk alone about what they are comfortable doing. Perhaps having sex with the new person is OK, but anal sex is not. Or, you would not like sex, but oral sex is OK. There has to be a set of rules associated with the play so that all people feel like there is a controlled environment full of mutual respect. Then, the third person should be informed of the rules. If that person knows that no kissing is allowed, or that there is no actual “sex” between her and the man – then she or he – will be prepared as well.

See Our Beginners Guide To Threesomes

BE SAFE – USE PROTECTION
Please remember that threesomes are SEX – and when you have sex that you need to have condoms, dental dams and use birth control. HIV and AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are really not worth the fun you will be having during your threesome. So please, play safe!

First and foremost, having a threesome can be an extremely, sexually arousing experience! Bringing another person into your bed and allowing your partner to explore things with that other person while you watch and engage as well – can be one of the most sexually freeing experiences of your life. It is like having a live porno film playing in which your partner is the star and you can interact at any time. Most people who have had threesomes – including myself – have said that it is probably the most sexually charged they have ever felt. All your sexual senses are doubled – you have another person to touch, kiss, fondle and have sex with - in a hundred different ways. The options become limitless when you are in a threesome dynamic. You may even learn new things about your partner by watching him or her with another person – being the proverbial “fly on the bedroom wall” as he or she receives pleasure from another.

Of course, one of the most wonderful things about having a threesome – particularly the standard Female – Female – Male (FFM) threesome—is that oftentimes at least one of the women in the threesome has not been with another woman. This can be a life changing event for her – or conversely, can be a grave disappointment. In my experience, the women who I was engaging in FFM threesomes with enjoyed their experiences with me and their boyfriends while they were in the moment. They let a side of them show that was either hidden or that they felt was too “taboo” to talk about. Being with another woman was something that they had wanted to do, but never felt comfortable exploring. All the women said it was the most sexually excited that they had ever been – just being with another woman.

Sometimes women crave the soft, sensual, sexual touch of another woman – but they are afraid of being labeled a “lesbian” – a FFM threesome will give them the opportunity to explore these feelings, without the stigma of a full-on lesbian encounter. Having the man there deflects from the lesbian aspects of the situation and makes it seem less intimidating.

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In this respect, the sexual exploration of these hidden desires can be totally freeing. At the same time, the man who is observing and sometimes participating with the two women is enjoying his fantasy come to life! Watching two women having sex is the ultimate turn on for him. As he then integrates himself into the FF lovemaking – the new dynamic becomes one of ultimate sensual pleasure. He has 2 sets of breasts, 2 mouths, 2 vaginas – in which to explore. Plus, one whole, new woman on which to focus his attention.

The most important thing for the MAN to remember in a FFM threesome is – this is not your own private production of “Porn 101” in that we do NOT need instruction and direction! Let the women do their thing at THEIR pace! Everyone knows that women usually enjoy a much slower paced sex and foreplay session than their male counterparts – so the biggest issue with a threesome is that the man becomes so excited to have 2 naked women that he starts barking out orders and instructions while the women are just tying to get it going! RELAX! ENJOY! Take part when you can, look and enjoy the view when you can’t – and then when it is time to get into the action – go SLOW – you do not want this to be over in 2 seconds!

Conversely, if it is a MMF threesome, the men should be mindful that the woman needs some warm up time. If you attempt to just jam her full the moment you get into bed – the threesome is not likely to be successful! You still have to give her foreplay time – and since there are 2 of you to do it – you can divide the “work” between perhaps the top and the bottom half? Whatever your threesome experience – MMF or FFM – just remember to make it enjoyable for ALL persons involved!

DYNAMICS OF A TRIO

* TAG-TEAMING: Many times, the couple will enjoy “tag-teaming” the person who has been brought into the threesome – giving her – or him – the pleasure. This keeps the couple integrated together, as opposed to giving one pair a chance to interact alone. Frequently, the new person is placed on the bed and the couple teases and tantalized the new person until there is a frenzy of sexual tension. As discussed, it is usually agreed upon beforehand what will and will not occur during the threesome, so when it becomes time for sex – perhaps the man gets to have sex with the new woman, while the other woman gets to have oral sex performed on her. However it ends up playing out, tag-teaming works well for most threesomes.

* TAKING TURNS: Sometimes if it is a woman’s first time being with another woman, she may want to just experience that all to herself – without the man integrating himself into the mix. SORRY! If this is the case, you may have to just ‘take turns’ and have the women do their thing first. This gives the new woman a chance to explore her bi-curious side and not have the pressure of the man. Then, when their time is over – the couple may have sex – or the new person and the man may have sex – it all depends on the rules that you have set up. In this dynamic, most frequently it is only the women who have sex together – and then the couple finish off the night. The man is still happy – he got to watch his fantasy come true live and in color!!

* ALL-IN: This doesn’t necessarily work for first timers, but if you have had a threesome previously, then it might work for you. All in is when you just go for it and do what is pleasurable for you. There are no “rules of engagement” – except those previously set-up – and you just start playing and do what feels natural and good. The only problem with this technique is that it can get a little jumbled up sometimes – but hey, that can be a lot of fun!

* ORAL FIXATIONS: Frequently, the idea of a threesome is appealing, but the idea of letting your significant other have sex with the other person is not. So, the idea of allowing oral sex only becomes very appealing. This can be maneuvered with either the FFM or MMF threesome. For a FFM threesome, the couple would be allowed to have sex but only oral sex with the new woman, so after foreplay and oral is given to the new woman, the finale is usually the new woman on her back receiving oral sex by the woman in the couple – while she is in a doggy style and her significant other has sex with her and gets to enjoy the view from above.

In a MMF threesome, it really depends on the sexual orientation of the males – so this can be switched around quite a bit. Ideally, the new male receives oral sex while the woman has sex with her significant other – and it is much easier to perform oral sex on the man in various sexual positions. If it is the male in the couple who will be giving the oral sex – then the positions may be maneuvered to accommodate that as well.

The point is, no matter how you want to do your threesome – it really does help to have some sort of plan first as opposed to just all jumping into bed and going at it. If you don’t take the time to make rules, to get organized or to think about preventing against sexually transmitted diseases – a threesome will not be the best sexual experience of your life – it will definitely be the worst. So, take a few minutes, discuss it with your partner, get protection – and play it safe – all the time!!

How to Talk About Your Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner

MÉNAGE-A-NO-NO!
Just as there are reasons TO have a threesome, there are just as many reasons to NOT have a threesome:

1. It could ruin the relationship

2. Jealousy

3. Constant reminders of ‘what you did with her / him’

4. Sexually transmitted diseases

5. Stalker threesome partners

6. Your partner cheats on you, cause now it is OK

All right, now I know that by writing THIS portion of this article all the glamour and glitz is going to go away from the notion of having a threesome – and for that I am sorry. However, I have to give both sides of the coin – and on this subject there is a good and a bad side.

Of course, the number 1 reason to NOT have a threesome is that it might (notice I wrote MIGHT) ultimately ruin your relationship. Let’s face it, watching your partner having any kind of sexual experience with another person is just not a normal thing for most people. In my personal experience, in all my threesomes I was the person brought IN, so I didn’t have to watch my significant other having sex with another woman. The one time I did have a MMF threesome with my partner – it was all about me – and there wasn’t any homosexual things going on – so it didn’t bother me at all, but it DID end up bothering my partner.

To withstand watching your partner having sex or even oral sex with another person you have to be extremely secure in your relationship. It is not something that many couples can do without the evil eye of jealousy eventually creeping in. In the moment, most couples are horny, sexually excited and happy to be having the threesome. However, afterward it becomes “I saw the way you touched her breasts” or “I saw the way you moaned when he was having sex with you.” Every action, touch, kiss – becomes something of contention. Even when 2 women are together it can be a source of tension – “what, are you a lesbian now?"

There are a million examples of things that can and have been said by partners who have had threesomes. Most often, one of the people in the relationship wants to have another threesome and the other partner does not. This is what starts the debate of “what, am I not good enough anymore?” or “you just want to be with her again don’t you?”

Soon, there is nothing but doubt and resentment in the relationship where there should be love and happiness. It is an unfortunate state of being for many couples. I am not saying ALL couples – just many couples. As I stated before, to be able to withstand watching your partner have sexual interaction with another – you have to be very secure in your relationship.

SEXUAL STALKERS
It is true, occasionally the person who is brought in to the threesome becomes fixated with the couple, or one person in the couple, and wants to have another threesome. This person continually calls or tries to re-engage the couple into having another threesome. This can become extremely detrimental to the relationship. If you have not carefully chosen the right person to bring into your bed – that person may assume that he or she is going to become a permanent fixture there. This is why it is extremely important to set rules, to state if it is a one time event or a continuing event – and to attempt to keep as much privacy as possible.

WHERE DID I GET THAT BLISTER?
Sexually transmitted diseases are no laughing matter – and in today’s day and age, jumping into bed with someone whom you do not know is literally like playing Russian Roulette with your life. So, when you are having notions of a threesome, resist the urge to go to the corner bar and pick up the first hot girl or guy you meet and not use protection when you are having sex! The satisfaction you are having is fleeting compared to the lifetime of illness you can experience if you do not protect yourself or your partner. Be responsible, be safe and ALWAYS have safe sex – I can not say it enough.

BUT I ALREADY SLEPT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN LAST WEEK?
It is unfortunate, but many, many relationships will die out after a threesome because one partner decided that if their partner let them have a threesome, that must mean that cheating is OK now right? It's not. However, I must be honest and say, that I do sort of understand the logic here – you did ALLOW your significant other to venture outside the sanctity of the relationship and have sex with another person – albeit you were watching – but that is beside the point.

In my threesome experiences, all of the men came to me after and wanted to have sex with JUST ME – and not a threesome. They were going to cheat. I said NO, and asked why they thought they could now cheat, and all said, “Well, she let me do you before, so why can’t I do you now? It isn’t like I am going to get a girl on the street!”

So there you go – I am quite sure it goes for women too – but in my personal experience, it was the men who rationalized this behavior in this manner. I think that it is unfortunate, but once you say it is OK to step outside the bounds of the relationship, and then it does sort of seem OK to do so. I am not defending the cheaters – and I do think the relationships were probably doomed anyway – but, I do think that if you have a threesome, then it is like giving your significant other a little “push” in the wrong direction.

KEEP IT A FANTASY
As I said in the beginning of this article, having a threesome is the Number 1 fantasy of MEN and the Number 2 fantasy for women – so, if you are unsure of whether or not to have a threesome – why not keep it a fantasy? Some sexual fantasies we are better off just leaving fantasies – and some we can act out. If you are unsure, even after this article – or you have decided that you are NOT going to have a threesome – then there are ways to bring your fantasy to life.

For women, having 2 men brings to mind the idea of Double Penetration. Hell, you don’t need 2 men to accomplish this! You can get yourself a nice Vibrator, Dildo or Dong – and have your significant other anally penetrate you with either the vibrator or his penis and then vaginally penetrate you with the other! This will give you the sensation of having 2 men – without all the complication of dealing with 2! Also, the sensations for HIM while he is penetrating you with your anal canal full will be outstanding!

Now, if a woman wants to be with another woman – there isn’t much we can do about providing another vagina – unless you want to get a blow up doll or a realistic vagina to play with. It might sound strange, but for some women, just the idea of looking at another vagina and fingering it is enough to get them sexually charged. So, if you have a replication on hand, and you can set it on the bed to play with while your man does you doggy style – what could be better than that? With a little imagination, your man can imagine that the vagina is attached to another beautiful woman – and, he can use it for his own pleasure later on! Double bonus!

This concept would also work well for a man who wants to be with 2 women – he would have the benefit of 2 vaginas! Using your imagination – experiences like this can really add dimension to your playtime – and, for many people, it is much safer than experimenting with the real thing!

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MAKING FANTASY A REALITY
If you have thought it through, discussed it, and decided that a threesome is still something you want to do – then there are a few more things left to decide. The first is, where to get the third person? Do you go with the hottie who lives next door? How about an ad in the paper? A bar perhaps? This can be the worst part of a threesome – finding the third person.

Listen, I completely understand your want and need to have a threesome – I have been there. I enjoyed and definitely do not regret my threesomes – the experiences themselves that is. However, I did learn one very, very important thing – DO NOT HAVE A THREESOME WITH A GOOD FRIEND! You will loose that friend. I know the temptation is there to go with the familiar, someone who you know, trust and are attracted to. However, if one of the bad possibilities occurs in this threesome – then you have not only lost a significant other – but a friend as well.

In my threesome experiences, all of them were with friends or friends of friends, and I ended up loosing my 2 good friends in 2 of the cases because the man decided to pursue me after the threesome was over. This is not uncommon – but of course, is not exclusive either. So, my advice is not to use a good friend for the 3rd in your threesome!

Therefore, the problem becomes – where do you find the 3rd? Well, many people look online, in the papers – yes, the papers, or just go to bars and start asking around. There is no ‘better” way than others – but there are “safer” ways. I would say that going with people whom you know, or at least someone you know knows is safer than picking up a complete stranger! Not only for the STD risk, but general safety as well.

Also, it is hard to imagine having sex with someone you have NEVER interacted, so at least spending some time to meet them and talk with them in a non-sexual environment would be ideal. See if this person is even someone whom you both would enjoy interacting with. Discuss the rules, the place, time – if you are going to eat or drink beforehand. These things will be important later.

Once you have found your perfect 3rd – and the night is set – I would NOT recommend being drunk or impaired in any major way. I think people should be cognizant when they make major life decisions such as this – so being drunk or high is not the way to go here. Also, discuss what will happen afterward. Usually, there is an awkward time – does he or she stay or go? Do you get dressed, eat, drink? Does he or she leave immediately? What is the protocol? Make sure these things are discussed.

One of the most important things for the couple to discuss is a “signal” or “safe word.” If the situation is getting way out of hand, uncomfortable, or if the new person is doing something that makes either of you uncomfortable. In this way, you can alert your partner to potential issues – stop the play – talk it out – or stop it all together. Frequently, one person will decide that having a threesome is something that he or she cannot handle, and it is important that the other partner respects that decision.

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DECISION TIME
Well, this article is just a little insight into the world of threesomes! There are many things to consider – much more than you probably thought previously! I have had my experiences with threesomes – and for the most part – I enjoyed them. They worked out well for me (as I wasn’t in relationships at the time) and I now have those memories and experiences to fall back on.

I would not do a threesome now that I am married – that, to me, is out of the question. Now it is up to you – are you going to have a threesome or just keep it a fantasy? Whatever you decide – remember to play safe! I truly hope for those of you who venture into the land of the threesome that it is all that you hope and want it to be and that your relationship makes it through! For those of you who don’t decide to have one – keep it a fantasy – talk about it, write about it, tell your partner your dreams – sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality – and that my friends, is the truth!

Have You Had A Threesome? Share Your Experience!

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