If you have spent any time on our discussion forum, then you will know that the question of “why should I have sex toys” comes up a LOT! Why? Well, for some people they want the validation that what they are doing is “normal” or “OK.” For others it is an honest question, “if I have a partner, why a sex toy?” Still others want to know why their WIFE or female partner needs a toy if she has “the real thing.” If any of these situations ring true for you then read on and see exactly why I believe EVERY person, and more importantly, EVERY COUPLE should have at least one sex toy if not many, many more! OK, before some of you reading this jump to the conclusion that I suggest purchasing sex toys because I “work” for TooTimid or have a vested interest in how many toys they sell let me just say this: I bought, used and suggested sex toys to my friends for YEARS before I ever came to TooTimid! It is something that I have found to be important in my relationships and felt the need to pass on the positive attributes of toy use.
ENHANCEMENT NOT REPLACEMENT
Let me begin by saying: sex toys or intimate products are NEVER a replacement but ALWAYS an enhancement. Why do I say this? Well, there is a certain intimacy that occurs when couples use sex toys together. Notice, I wrote “intimacy” – yes, sexual enhancement products can make a couple more intimate. Intimacy comes when a couple truly shares in one another’s fantasies, desires and sexual needs. Intimacy comes when both persons in a relationship can admit their desires and the other is receptive. Intimacy comes when there is a non-judgmental attitude when it comes to sex. Intimacy comes when two people are as close mentally, emotionally and physically as possible. To get that you have to let it all be exposed and this includes becoming vulnerable to the other person when sex is concerned. Well, how can sex toys do this? In many ways actually.
1. When a woman uses a sex toy – let’s say a bullet – she can oftentimes orgasm more easily or more times than if she did not use a toy. She may fake orgasms, she may neglect to care about her own pleasure, or she may not allow her partner to assist her in her pleasure. How can THIS be intimacy? Honestly, it can’t. There is more to sex than just being inserted in each other. Orgasms fulfill the physiological need that people have. For many women, sex toys can be the key that unlocks that possibility.
2. Sex toys allow both partners to fulfill fantasies. For example, if a man has a need for a threesome – or it is his ultimate fantasy. If his partner is unreceptive to this fantasy it does not mean that the fantasy goes away as soon as she says “no,” contrarily, it is always there and may become more prominent. Now, does this mean that the woman should succumb to this fantasy? No. However, if this couple were to role play using a realistic vagina for example, then this fantasy might come true for the man within the safety of their own partnership confines.
3. Using sex toys can allow a woman to completely “let go” of her sexual responses. Many women do not orgasm from sex alone – they need that clitoral stimulation. When a woman allows herself to use a toy for that stimulation she can train her body to orgasm quicker and more intensely than if she had not used a toy. This can lead to easier orgasms during sex and even multiple orgasms. While toy use is not a guarantee of success with regard to orgasmic rate, it is a step in the right direction.
4. When a man accepts his partner’s use of sex toys it shows her that (1) he is not intimidated by a toy and (2) that he genuinely cares about his partner’s pleasure. Men who are comfortable with sex toy use have very intimate relationships with their partners. Furthermore, most men love to watch their partner use a toy (either masturbation or during sex) and it can be a real jumpstart to a relationship.
5. When a woman allows her man into her private world of toy use she is also showing him that she still needs him and the toy is enhancement. IF she was to sneak around, hide her toys and not allow him to be privy to this part of her sexual life, then she would not be honest and therefore completely intimate with her partner. By allowing him to watch or participate in the toy use brings it all out in the open. Not only can he observe his partner having wonderful pleasure, but he becomes a part of that instead of separate from it. Again, intimacy at play. 6. If a man has erectile dysfunction of some sort he may want to introduce his lover to sex toys to help him. Cock rings, masturbators, firmness creams or penis pumps can all help many men with ED issues. If the man is upfront and honest about his difficulties and presents some solutions to his partner, he is being honest and open and trying to “fix” what may be not going well in his sex life, there again is intimacy!
Clearly these are just a few of the reasons why sex toys can help a couple become closer and more intimate. There are more reasons, fun reasons, that toy use can bring a couple to a new realm. Let’s explore some of these reasons. Oh My ORGASM!!! As previously alluded to, for some women using a sex toy can be the first time they have a knock down orgasm! Then, when she either shares this experience with her partner or uses this private experience to train herself about her own pleasure, she is better prepared and apt to explain to her lover how to please her. As I have repeatedly said, a woman who knows how to masturbate and self-pleasure is a woman who is more able to tell her lover how to please her. Using sex toys is a jumping point for this dialogue and demonstration. Conversely, if a woman is already comfortable with her own private sex toy use, bringing the toy into the couple’s bedroom play can be a great enhancement. How? Well, it demonstrates the woman’s confidence and ability to “let it all hang out” and show her partner her vulnerability. When a woman allows her man into this private time she shows him how much she cares for him. Again, INTIMACY! On the man’s side, seeing his partner vulnerable – open – in more ways than one can be EXTREMELY arousing for him. Helping her masturbate can fulfill a fantasy for him as well. Whether it just is the “visualization” of “seeing” everything – up close and personal – or actually pretending that the toy is another man –either situation can be extremely arousing.
How To Get Your Partner To Try Sex Toys
THE COUPLE THAT SHOPS TOGETHER, STAYS TOGETHER
Once you have either consented to try sex toys – or have discovered the interest of your partner – you can now have one of the best shopping experiences you will ever have – and it will be BETTER than shoe shopping! Shopping for sexual enhancement products together, whether it be adult movies, toys or just lubrications – can be arousing and exhilarating. Talking to your partner about what toys turn him or her on, what you would like to see your partner using, or even just being surprised at how open you can become is another one of those “intimate” moments that you can share. Whether you are perusing an online shop like TooTimid (which I totally recommend) or you go to an actual adult store shopping for sexual enhancement products can be super spicy and get things rolling in a way you never expected! Once you pick out the toys you can wait in anticipation for them to come. When they arrive you can have special “toy arrival sex” and laugh, play and tease each other with your new purchases. Perhaps you start out slow, then build up – or you jump right in. Whatever you decide, it will be fun to experiment.
BIG, SMALL WE HAVE THEM ALL!
Whatever you decide to buy remember that sex toys are for FUN! When you make your first purchase try to find something that appeals to you (or you and your partner) and make sure it is something that you are comfortable with. While your partner might want you to jump right in to the 9” dildo – you may be more comfortable with a little mini vibe! Or, your wife may want you to try a penis pump but you may not want to go that route. Again, you have to be honest with your partner about your expectations and desires as well as what you are comfortable (or not comfortable) with. If you are not ready for a “toy” remember that there are many more options. Couple's Games, Oral Sex Gels, Warming Lube, Sexual Restraints, all of these can be a great way to get into sexual enhancement products without going overboard. Just trying something new in the bedroom can be the best thing you will EVER do for your relationship! If you are no stranger to sexual enhancement products, then perhaps you might want to step it up a bit. Go a little more out of the box and consider one of your partner’s requests. Try something new, think about your own pleasure and that of your partner, be adventurous. Not only does this make your next sexual encounter more exciting but it also shows your partner once again that his or her fantasies and desires are equally important to you.
GO FORTH AND PROSPER
I hope that this short article has demonstrated that sex toys are definitely an enhancement and not a replacement. Realization that intimacy can be obtained by sharing these experiences with your partner is something that I wish all couple’s would realize. Knowing that you can share your private sex toy time with your partner is not so foreign a concept now! Honesty, communication and expression of wants and desires is one of the best ways to gain intimacy – and sex toys can really be a great way to initiate all of this. So, what are YOU waiting for – go forth and shop and prosper in your new, intimate relationship!
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