Every couple – new or established – needs to remember to keep the romance alive. It is so easy in today’s hectic world to forget to make time for romance. Not sex necessarily, but romance. Oh sure, it is also important to make time for sex, but every couple needs a little bit more romance as well.
I know for my hubby and I we sometimes get caught up in life, responsibilities, jobs, kids, dishes, laundry – so caught up that when it is time to think sex, we think just sex. No fuss, no muss. Not always a quickie, but surely not always romantic either. This is normal – how could it not be. However, normal doesn’t always mean good. Couples need connection – and for this connection to be intimate - romance.
What constitutes romance definitely differs from couple to couple – and from men to women. Many men think the idea of romance is being naked and having sex. Women, on the other hand, like candles, fireplaces, love letters – THEN lots of foreplay followed by sweet sex. Yes, this is romantic and can be fun for both partners.
So, if you don’t have a romantic bone in your body – or if you feel like the romance has died in your relationship – read on for some easy tips on how to set up for a romantic evening with your sweetie and get reconnected and re-stimulated.
FOOTRUBS AND FIREPLACES
It should come as no surprise that having time to yourselves as a couple without distractions, children, job responsibilities, or chores can be the most romantic thing ever! So, if you do not have the time or money to jet off to Aspen for a weekend, bring Aspen to you. How? Just find quiet time to connect.
One of my favorite things to do to get connected and spend quiet time with my hubby is to light a fire, get some snacks and drinks and sit together on the couch, NOT watching TV, while we give each other massages or footrubs. We talk about each other, we keep the conversation light, we sit in quietness just being together. We love the fireplace even when it is warm outside, because nothing says romantic more than a roaring fire and two people in love sitting in front of it.
We try not to discuss things that will sour the mood. We flirt, kiss, touch and just enjoy being together quietly. It almost always leads to sex – but sometimes it doesn’t – and that is fine. Being romantic and reconnecting doesn’t have to mean sexually connecting, it can mean a soul connection – and our quiet fireplace time is definitely that and more.
Make Your Room Intimate And Sexy
CANDLES AND KISSING
Ask yourself, when was the last time you filled your room with candles? Not just ONE candle, but the whole room? When was the last time you kissed your lover like you were dating? I am willing to bet that it has not been too recently. Being romantic takes effort and thought. It is something that has to be thought out to an extent. Taking time to fill your room with candles and set the mood will speak volumes to your lover.
Sending the romantic vibe can be done in many different ways. Flirty notes left in your partner’s lunch or briefcase, sexy text messages alluding to the night’s plan, a phone call letting your lover know what is happening later that evening – all these things can really set the romantic tone. There are so many creative ways to let your lover know you are wanting to revive the romance – pick something clever so you both have something to look forward to.
Then, when it comes time to begin the romantic evening – remember to make effort. Make the food with thought, or order your favorite things. Leave the dishes until morning, or do them side by side. Put on lingerie or sexy jammies and perfume before bed. Then, take time to kiss and cuddle your partner. The idea is to reconnect and be sensual with your lover – not to jump into sex. Kiss like it is the first time you are kissing, touch like you have never touched your lover before, slowly seduce your partner like you are not sure whether they will sleep with you or not. It is about connection – not speed; newness, not familiarity.
Sometimes romance takes a little longer than an evening. For those couples in need of a sexual healing, a weekend get a way might be just what the love doctor ordered. I am a big fan of the couple’s spa experience. My hubby and I usually try to take at least one weekend every 6 months to reconnect, be together, be romantic and just do things as adults. It is important to do this, and even if you do not have the money or opportunity to get away to a resort of sorts, you can make the resort at home.
Try to arrange an overnight sitter for your kids and then take it from there. Our spa experience always involves a romantic dinner. Time to eat adult food that doesn’t come in a character ridden paper box; served with alcoholic treats instead of frozen ones; and adult conversation instead of reminders to ‘eat your veggies.’ Romance starts with relaxation and connection remember, and adult time is a great start.
After our dinner we always take a walk. Our B & B is on a river, so we walk along the bank hand in hand, talking, laughing, stopping to kiss and cuddle. We take our time, enjoy each other and slowly head back to our hotel. When we get there it is couple’s bath time. There is nothing more romantic than a bubble bath built for two. Of course, not everyone has a large enough tub for two, so if you are having an ‘at home’ retreat, you can take turns. The partner NOT in the tub can sit outside the tub and bring treats to the one inside the tub. Offer to wash each other, be flirt and fun. Use bubble soap and sweet smelling bath salts. Luxury is key here.
After the bath – when you are both toasty warm and clean smelling – the romance normally shifts to sex. At least for us it does. We put on our plush robes and snuggle in bed. Turn on the fireplace and just ‘be’ together. It is truly calming to have no worries, to be snug as a bug together, full on good food, warm and clean from the bath, connected and feeling relaxed. Then, and only then, can we start concentrating on sexual connection.
All of these things can be accomplished in your own home; it just takes imagination and preparation. If you can’t afford the resort, then splurge on new robes, a fancy dinner and the bath essentials. The key to this kind of romance is seductive solitude – just you and your lover, connecting.
For many couples, none of these things means romance. For some, the simplest type of romance is just being kind to one another. Remembering to be considerate and loving, helping each other with daily activities and chores, telling the other person that you care and love them. Simply taking time, everyday to connect on a simple, basic level. Romance, for these couples, is a fluid endeavor. Showing caring kindness for their partner is the best form of romance and I agree that we should all strive for this.
Romance takes many different forms. For some, romance is a demonstration of intentions – candles, lingerie, love letters. For others, it is a more silent gesture – doing the dishes, a surprise foot rub, kissing out of nowhere for no reason. Then there are those who know what romance means for them – a lifetime commitment to love and hope- a continuously evolving demonstration of affection.
Whatever side of the romance road you find yourself on, just remember that romance is essential in any relationship. Romance is something that cannot be substituted, is wanted and needed in healthy relationships, will make the relationship stronger over time and will help to revive relationships that have gone a bit stale. Romance is the key to marital happiness – and for the success of relationships in general. Hopefully, my few ideas will spark the notion that we all need to work a little harder at keeping the romance alive – and a little less hard at making sure the dishes are always dried and put away before bed. In the end, what is going to help save your relationship – dry dishes or a night of connection and soul searching?
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