Sex is great, right? Of course it is. But sometimes a woman just doesn’t have the time or isn’t in the mood, so she has to call it an early night or turn her partner down. Some excuses are honest and reasonable, but depending on the situation, she might be full of bologna. So, here are 10 excuses women have used to get out of sex!
“Not Tonight, Baby. I Have A Headache.”
This is number #1 because it’s a classic! Everyone jokes about it! I’m sure many of those women really do have headaches and therefore prefer a dark, silent room over a penis, but it is also a go-to for ladies who aren’t in the mood and don’t want to offend her partner. Although it’s true the endorphins released during sex can help heal a headache, it’s not instantaneous, and the idea of bashing two bodies together does nothing for throbbing head pain.
“Nooo, I’m On My Period.”
Not all ladies are comfortable having sex while menstruating. Not only can it be messy, but the cramps, bloating, and headaches do not make for a particularly sexy evening. Even if you couldn't care less about the mess, the thought may give her chills! But if your lady is using this excuse a few times a month, she miiiight be lying.
“I Haven’t Showered!”
Some women want to be showered and shaved to ensure she is smelling nice and her skin is silky-smooth for sex. Maybe she just came back from a jog and you are turned on by her rank, but she doesn’t really want you to taste her sweaty, salty skin. That’s fair. But if she always uses this excuse, she either has a hygiene problem or may need to adjust her bathing schedule. Offer to hop in the shower with her and scrub her back!
“Ugh, I’m Too Full.”
Okay, yeah, bloat and sex aren’t a comfortable combination. But if she had a side salad and a breadstick for dinner, she’s probably not going to get away with it. If it’s Thanksgiving, you may want to take her excuse to heart and trust that it’s probably for the best that you postpone relations until you both do a little digesting.
“I’m Not In The Mood.”
Another classic! Most women need to be in a certain mindset to get excited about sex. If she’s really not in the mood, it’s like asking for chili and getting a can of beans. There is no BAM, no zest, no spice, and absolutely no interest. This is probably an honest excuse, so if you are really in the mood, you’re going to have to turn her on!
Could Less Sex Mean More Love?
“I Have A Long, Hard Day Tomorrow.”
She needs to save her sexual energy to get through the day! But seriously, if she is pooped and has a long day tomorrow (and you know for a fact that she does), this is reasonable. It stops being reasonable if she decides to stay up for another four hours browsing funny cat photos or playing Solitaire. Busted! Give her something else long and hard to think about.
“But, The Kids!”
If your children are at that age where they are in and out of your room all night and could strike at any moment, this might be a frequent excuse. No one wants to be caught by the kiddo and forced to make up some explanation for your nudity and humping position. But if the cherubs are in bed and sound asleep, you may be able to convince her to just lock the door for a little while. If they need you, they’ll knock, right?
“Meh, I’m Too Tired.”
This is my favorite because “I’m tired” is my excuse for everything as it is. When I’m too tired, I’m too tired to do anything. I stand by this excuse and will battle anyone who stands in the way of me and sleep. But if your partner says she’s too tired and then goes to a rave or binge-watches a crime series on Netflix, blow the whistle!
“Stop It! I’m Busy!”
Is she? You can probably tell right away if she is or isn’t. If she’s performing heart surgery, making a delicate soufflé, or changing the oil in her car, she’s probably busy. But if she’s doing a puzzle of two nuzzling puppies that she can finish blindfolded or simply lounging on the couch, she may be trying to trick you! I recommend giving her a strip tease to show her what she’s missing.
“I Think I’m Coming Down With Something… And I Don’t Want You To Catch It.”
If she’s really not feeling well or is coming down with the plague, skip the sex. Pour her a glass of orange juice and make her some soup so she will be in tip-top shape for tomorrow night when you ask again. However, if she says she’s getting sick, and has every night for the last month, she just might be full of something other than viral infections. But if you wake up the next day with strep throat, just remember: you knew the risk.
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