FLANNEL PJS ON PARADE: When your lover sees you walking around in your flannel PJs, your hair up in a ponytail, those fuzzy socks on your feet and a look of “no way, stay away” on your face he probably knows sex is not on the table. He may settle in for a night of sports center re-runs and perhaps a quick wank before bed. No way is he getting sex tonight. Or, is he? The element of surprise is huge when perpetrating the ultimate no-sex gag. You have to really play it up ladies. Be cranky; take off your make-up, put on the baggiest, ugliest PJs you can find. So, where is the joke? UNDER the Pjs put on your skimpiest, sexiest lingerie! Yup, underneath the “don’t touch me” PJs you are to wear the sleaziest thing you can gather from your lingerie drawer. Then, right before bed, when your man thinks that he will be falling asleep on the couch, you walk up to him and say, “Honey, could you do me a favor and scratch my back?” He will, perhaps growl, and say, “sure, come here.” So, you sit down on his lap and he starts to scratch. You ask him, “underneath the shirt, please” and as he reaches under he notices something. You can then remove your baggy sweatshirt and reveal the sex Goddess underneath! Ahhh, now he gets it. Turn around and say, “April Fools baby” and the rest of the “gag” is up to you.
BONDAGE BABE: This one can be done by either male or female – and could get you into a little bit of trouble. Maybe. However, it will be all forgiven at the end. If you and your partner have talked about the possibility of a little bondage experiment – or if you have already broken in the handcuffs – today is the perfect day to try them out again! Suggest to your lover that you want to tie them up and do naughty, naughty things to them. Get them hot and horny and all ready for their big night of sex. Tie them, SECURELY, to the bed or a chair or some other place where they can’t easily get away. Then leave the room. Go turn on the TV so they can hear you. Don’t respond to the inquiries of “where are you.” Perhaps, bring your laptop into the bedroom and sit on the floor checking Facebook. Showing them the funny post your friend made. Make them completely believe that you have no intention of doing anything fun with them while they are tied and helpless. After a sufficient amount of time, go over to them, bend down and whisper in their ear, “April Fools!” Will he or she be a little mad? Sure, but you know what, you are going to make it up to them, preferably BEFORE you untie them!
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SEXTING: OK, this one can be a bit risky, but it can be funny. If your girlfriend is a little bit....um, jealous you have to set this up carefully and try not to be cruel. This actually works REALLY well if you want a clever way to propose to your girlfriend that she would NEVER expect. First, you have to set it up a few days in advance. You will need a friend to help you do this. Take a male friend and change their cell phone name to either a girl’s name or some code name like “CoffeeGirl” or something. Have your friend text you a lot. I mean A LOT for a few days before April Fool’s Day. Make sure your girlfriend notices the texting, but doesn’t necessarily see the name on the phone. Make up excuses about who is texting. Then, on April Fool’s Day make sure that there is an opportunity where you leave the phone down by her, but you are not in the room. Go to the bathroom after telling your friend to blow up your phone! It doesn’t matter if she actually SEES the text; all she really has to see is the name pop up on your text screen. If she knows your phone password, you can fake texts that are flirty and talk about meeting up or something. The goal is to make her think you are up to no good! Then, when she has had about enough, and comes to confront you, you are there with either an engagement ring, her favorite flower or candy or something. When she sees you, smiling and ready for her big attack you say, “April Fool’s Honey!” It will take her a few minutes, but once it all gets processed she will hopefully laugh, say “yes” to your proposal, or smack you. It is a gamble, but I think that it could be a great way to tell your girl that she is the only one for you. That is, except Mike, a/k/a coffegirl!
I HAVE A HEADACHE: Similar to the other “no sex for you” pranks, this one is simple: you have a headache. If you are lucky enough to have a job where you can beat your man home or if you have a way to get him to your place with some Excedrin, this will work perfectly. Prepare yourself in the bedroom with sexy lingerie, light candles and sex music. Then, make sure you text your man that you have a headache and are going to lay down. Ask him to stop and get you some Excedrin Migraine or other headache remedy. When he gets home and goes into the bedroom expecting to find you sleeping he gets the best April Fool’s Joke ever! I doubt he will care much that he spent the $5 on the medicine!