Ladies, let me ask you a question and please, answer honestly: how many of you masturbate on a regular basis AND how many of your masturbation sessions are fulfilling? Ok, so that was technically two questions, but they do go hand in hand. The reason I ask this is because when I discuss sex and masturbation with my girlfriends about half of them say they do not masturbate or do not enjoy it when they do. I am APPALLED at this ideal – that my hip, educated and sensuous friends do not know how to render self-pleasure! So, if you are not masturbating – why not? Do you feel like it is “wrong” or bad? Did your parents or some other influence in your life tell you it was dirty? Or, do you have a partner now and think that it is no longer necessary? OR, do you not feel fulfilled when you masturbate – like it is a lot of work for not much of a bang? These are just a few of the reasons that I have heard from my friends, or on the discussion board, and let me tell you, these may seem like valid reasons but really they aren't.
It is clinically and medically proven that masturbation (for both men and women) is natural, healthy and very good for you mentally and physically. How so you ask? Well, when we masturbate the orgasm that comes from it releases a hormonal rush that ultimately produces a calming, stress-relieving effect. Furthermore, masturbation helps us to keep our bodies tuned – and helps us to connect with our SENSUALITY and our SEXUALITY. If we do not know how to pleasure ourselves, then we can not tell our lovers how to do so. This article will help to dispel some common misconceptions about masturbation AND it will include helpful hints, tips and techniques for Female Masturbation. This is extremely important for EVERY woman to read, because even if you are masturbating, you may be doing it wrong (yes, I said WRONG), or may find a way to pleasure yourself better. So, get out a pad and pencil and take notes ladies, this might be the best class you will ever take!
Many men and women feel that masturbation is wrong because of a strict religious background and upbringing – mainly Catholicism. While I could go on and on about this subject and even include Bible passages that clearly state that admiring one’s own body and nurturing a sexual spirit is acceptable, I will not spend the much needed space here to make the argument. The fact is, masturbation is the safest sex one can have. It is not religiously WRONG, nor is it against God. While I realize that if you have been conditioned to believe that masturbation is wrong, it might take more than my word to make you feel better about it. I encourage you to talk to your priest or religious representative. Or, if you feel unnatural about such a thing – you can read up on it online. The basic premise of our life here on earth is to do things that make us happy and content (while being good, productive human beings) – and masturbation does indeed help us to do that. It helps us to relieve pressures, teaches us about our bodies, and prepares us for our future love life with a partner. There is nothing against God in those notions.
CAUGHT WITH YOUR HAND DOWN YOUR PANTIES
Perhaps you are one of the MILLIONS of guys or gals who have been caught in the act of masturbation. While admittedly this can be HUMILIATING – it is not your problem to deal with. Masturbation is a natural part of adolescence, and how a parent deals with this can frame that child’s sexual identity forever. While it is most definitely a shock to open the bathroom door to find your 10 year old daughter perched under the bathtub spigot, it is more important how that scenario is handled. Many parents simply close the door and perhaps talk to their child about safe masturbation, initiating an open dialogue with their child. Others get angry, upset; even disgusted. These parents are grossly misinformed on how to handle sex or masturbation. If you have had a parent react in this negative way to your masturbation, then it is possible that you have a negative perception of masturbation. If your parent told you it was “wrong” or “dirty” and something “good girls do not do” - you may have a guilt complex when it comes to masturbation. Let me assure you – this is YOUR PARENT’S FAULT – you did nothing wrong. Do not continue to punish yourself for your parent’s bad call when it comes to your sexual education.
I HAVE A MAN
One of the most popular reasons women (and men) do not masturbate any longer is because they now have a partner and feel like solo play is no longer necessary. Now, while I realize that your masturbation time might be shortened or less frequent if you are having a healthy sex life with your partner, let me explain to you why masturbation is still essential in a happy relationship. Contrary to what you may believe, masturbating while you are in a relationship does NOT indicate that you are unhappy or that you are sexually unfulfilled. Conversely, when you are having more sex, your hormones often kick into overdrive and you may want and need MORE sexual release. The urge to masturbate more may be the biggest sign that you are sexually fulfilled – not unfulfilled. Not to mention, if you are comfortable with your body and pleasing yourself – you will be much more apt and able to explain to your lover how to touch and please you.
Women who masturbate on a regular basis know exactly how they want to be touched – what pace, what pressure, and in what specific spots. This can change as our bodies change and we get older so it is important for us to know what we like NOW as opposed to what we may have liked when we were 18. It is not uncommon for men to be uneducated about how to pleasure their women and if the woman KNOWS how to pleasure herself, she will be comfortable explaining and helping her man. Being comfortable with sex and self pleasure can be the BIGGEST thing you can do to enhance your sex life. So ladies, even if you have a man, and a healthy sex life, do not give up on the self loving – you need it, and so does your man!
ALL FOR NAUGHT
Finally, perhaps you are one of the women who has tried and tried to achieve climax through masturbation and you just are not able to do it. You think to yourself, “all this work and no reward, forget that!” Hey, I understand, why do something if you get no satisfaction from it. This final section will address this issue and suggest some tried and true tips and techniques that should have you shuddering with pleasure during your next masturbation session. It is most important to remember that every woman masturbates differently. No, it is true. While we might all use our fingers or a toy of some sort, our overall approach to it is much different than the next woman’s. Therefore, these tips and techniques are designed to help you on your path to self-discovery – that is, help you discover your own road to pleasure.
Now, while all women do have different styles when it comes to masturbation – there is a common rule of thumb when it comes to self-pleasure: the clitoris is the key to orgasm. While I am sure there are a select few women who can orgasm WITHOUT clitoral stimulation, the statistics suggest that upwards of 85% of ALL women need this stimulation to orgasm. So, if you are masturbating and NOT touching your clitoris –then you might have just found your answer!
How To Masturbate Using Only Your Fingers
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES
While you may feel that you have learned all you need to know about masturbation – I encourage you to read on anyway – you may learn a new trick or two. The first thing to remember when it comes to masturbation is to give yourself TIME and PRIVACY. While some women can masturbate to orgasm in a few minutes on their lunch breaks, I always recommend that masturbation become a sort of ritual – a self-pleasuring ritual.
Rule #1: Be comfortable. I always suggest that a woman get COMPLETELY naked before she begin her masturbation session. Having your body completely accessible for play is the best way to go. Also, the act of removing all your clothing can be very arousing in and of itself.
Rule #2: Privacy. Find a time and place when you can take as much time as you would like without interruption from children or other obligations. Make sure you are secure and private and can be naked without fear of being caught. Bathrooms and bathtubs can be the best place for masturbation – especially if you have young children.
Rule #3: Time. Along the same lines as rule #2, having the TIME to play is instrumental to letting go of stress and achieving that zen state that you so desire. Trying to fit in masturbation between dinner and bedtime is not the best thing to do – get private, alone TIME.
Rule #4: Ambiance. Yes, it is as important to surround yourself with soothing sounds and sights as it is to be naked and comfortable. Remember, you are seducing yourself, so lighting candles, playing music and dimming the lights can do wonders for your arousal state. Or, if you get into it, an adult DVD might just get you hot and ready and give you some personal fantasy time.
Rule #5: Patience. Remember, this is YOUR time, do not feel pressured to achieve orgasm in 2 minutes – play, touch, tease and tempt yourself to orgasm. Do not put any high expectations on yourself that might endanger your results. Relax!
Now, once you have achieved Rules 1-5, you can proceed to masturbating. I mentioned above that the clit is a woman’s “hot button” – and this is true – but the last thing you should do is go directly for the clit. Confused? Well, if you go right for the clit you may have an orgasm, but then all the prep-work is almost for naught. Instead, start by pleasuring your erogenous zones. Play with your breasts, pinch your nipples, run your fingers up and down your belly and thighs. Take time to touch you as you would imagine the best lover in the world would touch you. Close your eyes, feel your body come alive with each touch. Take time getting to your vaginal area. Take the time to get aroused – you have time – use it. When you are ready to touch your vagina, try doing something different. Pull on your vaginal lips, run your fingers up and down your slit. Feel the moistness as you become more and more aroused. Open up your labia (lips) with one hand and feel around with your other. You might want to use a finger and gently insert it into your vagina. Do what feels good to YOU. Then, when you feel aroused and ready, start to touch your clit.
Since this is an educational article, I want to take a moment and describe exactly where the clitoris is, just in case some of you who may be reading this are unfamiliar with its location. The clitoris is a small “button” that is located at the top of your vulva (top of vagina, toward the belly) that hides underneath your labia. This clitoris engorges with blood when you become aroused, and it becomes a little more noticeable at this point. All women have different clitorises. Some are large, some are small, some are prominent, some are more hidden. Whatever your clitoris is like, it is the key to your arousal. So, when you are ready, touch your clitoris. Do not start rubbing it as hard as you can right away – delay the moment. The build-up can be almost as good as the orgasm ladies! Rub it in circles or up and down – whatever you like – then STOP and do something else. Pull your lips again, touch your breasts, finger yourself. Then, go back again with more aggression. The idea here is to seduce yourself into a frenzy. When you feel like you are ready to finish and climax, try some of these tried and true techniques to finish:
Open your vaginal lips wide with one hand (this allows the clitoris to be more exposed and the skin around it becomes tighter) – as you hold yourself open with one hand, use the other hand to rub your clitoris directly. You may like a finger rubbing, circles or even the whole palm – do what feels good and switch it up,
OR, you can use your fingers of one hand and insert one or two into your vagina, while rubbing and caressing your clitoris. Having something to insert (toy or fingers) can really add to the stimulation (more on this soon).
OR, you can think outside the box and hold yourself open while lightly tapping or slapping your vagina and clitoris. Once engorged, the clitoris becomes extremely sensitive, so light tapping can create a tremendous build-up and release. Try it, you may like it – and then, you can share that secret with your lover!
The main commonality here is to do what you like, what feels good, and what will get you to climax the best. Not everything works for every woman, so try a bunch or a combination of techniques.
SEEING IS BELIEVING
If you are a woman who is a bit naive about masturbation and her body (or even if you are not) this next suggestion might really enlighten you on the joys and mysteries of your body. While this might seem strange at first, I assure you, it is something many, many women have done – including myself. I suggest that after completing the rules, get yourself a mirror (preferably full length) and position it where you can get a good view of your vaginal area. Take a moment to look at the beauty and uniqueness which is your private area. Open your vaginal lips – pull them – watch them stretch. Put a finger inside and see the wetness you produce. See if you can see your clitoris. It is all a mystery of human sexuality – and it is your mystery to unfold. Then, while you masturbate – watch yourself. See how your vagina changes, swells, gets red and engorged with blood. Watch your clitoris getting bigger – ready for climax.
Watching the physiological change in your body as you pleasure yourself can be extremely enlightening as well as arousing. For many women, this can be one of the best ways to get to climax. If you have a better understanding of what your body does when it is stimulated you can appreciate the delicate balance of touch and pressure. You can even relay this to your lover – or simply enjoy the miracle of arousal.
SEX TOYS AND MORE
While reading this article you were probably surprised that I have not mentioned much about Sex Toys yet. This is because, quite frankly, you do not need a sex toy to orgasm. With that being said, there are MANY outstanding reasons that you may want to invest in a few sex toys – for yourself, and for your lover. As previously mentioned, clitoral stimulation is one of the best ways to achieve orgasm. Along the same lines, the best way to have a powerful orgasm (sometimes faster too) is to have INSERTION and CLITORAL STIMULATION at the same time. Women are sensitive on the inside as well as the outside – and having both areas stimulated can really add to the sensations. While fingers can do the trick, other items such as vibrators, dildos and dongs can really add a little more punch to the party. Not only that, but vibrators, bullets and clitoral pumps can really help to produce clitoral stimulation in a manner that any woman would love.
I always suggest that a woman know how to masturbate and climax without the aid of a sex toy first before she adds a battery operated toy to her playtime. This simply allows her to become more personally acquainted to her body and pleasure zones before adding more stimulation to the mix. However, if you are an experienced masturbator – or, if you just can't get that orgasm with fingers alone – then there are so many options for you that you will never want for anything!
VIBRATORS AND BULLETS
As I have said over and over and over again – I believe every woman should own at least one vibrating bullet! A Bullet is the best way to give yourself clitoral stimulation during masturbation or during sex with a partner. It can be used all over your body (breasts, nipples, vagina, clitoris) and delivers a powerful punch to your best pleasure center. A bullet is a toy that you can use quickly, or tease yourself with for a long build-up. It is small and unobtrusive for wonderful partner sex and stimulation. Every woman must have one – period. Vibrators, especially no frills kinds like Slimlines, can be the next best thing to a bullet. Slimlines are long bullets – in essence – and can be used externally or internally.
Have a vibrator gives you so many options for stimulation. Run it over your body, up your stomach, down your thighs. Place it between your vaginal lips and let the slow buzz build. Place the tip directly on your clitoris for tremendous pleasure – or, insert it and use a finger for clitoral stimulation if you need it. Vibrators are totally multi-purpose and can really add to your play time. Dual Action Vibrators are a woman’s best friend. They have the ability to do double duty – insertion and clitoral stim at the same time! While DUALS are truly a wonder – I will again stress that you should know how to climax without the aid of toys before you invest in any type. There are so many DUALS available – waterproof, spinning, big, small – you have to find what would work well for you.
If you are just looking for a little extra stimulation – a clitoral pump can be an excellent investment. Especially if you are finding it a little harder to climax do to some clitoral desensitization. Clitoral Pumps work by pumping up the clitoral area and helping the clit to engorge with blood. This makes the clitoris more sensitive to anything you might want to do. Some pumps even have a vibrating function – see what works best for you.
Now, all of these toys definitely have their place. If you are using a toy to help stimulate yourself, let me give you some techniques and advice. First, remember the prior rules. Always take your time, go slow, build-up to the big bang. You can use toys like bullets or vibrators to help stimulate those sensitive areas. Then, use your fingers first to get yourself aroused and use the vibe or bullet to help get you to climax. Or, use the toy to stimulate your clitoris, bringing you to the brink of orgasm – then STOP – and let yourself come back down. I also suggest, if you have a DUAL ACTION or a VIBE that you love – bring yourself to orgasm first with your fingers and then go for more orgasms with the toys!
Becoming multi-orgasmic can be a great gift to you and to your lover – so masturbating with a toy for the second or third rounds can be a great way to achieve that goal! The main thing to remember whenever you are masturbating is to go slow, enjoy the ride and always use your toys as an ENHANCEMENT, not a replacement for self-touch. Once you have learned how to successfully give yourself an orgasm time and time again you can try new things, new techniques and new toys. Your lover will be so grateful that you know how to pleasure yourself and teach him how to pleasure you back!
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
This article was meant to touch on many different ideals and concepts as well as to give some basic techniques for masturbation. Self-touch and pleasure is a very personal thing – if you have a way that works for you, good – GO FOR IT! However, always be open to new ideas and suggestions. If you have toys – GREAT – just remember to use your fingers for a slow build-up and then employ your toys. If you do not have toys – GET SOME! Sex toys are such an enhancement for any sex life – solo or with a partner. Do not be intimidated – find something and give yourself the gift of pleasure. Always remember that masturbation is essential for a healthy and satisfying sex life – alone or with a partner. The better you can pleasure yourself, the easier it will be to explain to your partner how to do so.
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