The New Year is quickly approaching, and most of us have some sort of resolution – lose weight, exercise more, pay off debt, be a better parent, stop smoking – you name it, there is a resolution for it. However, how many of us want to revamp our sex life for the New Year? How many of us are in relationships that need a little…..oooomphf? How many of us have stopped having sex all together (yes, that happens!) Well, this can be the year to resolve to fix your sex life – and keep it on the right track! So where do you begin? RIGHT HERE with this article! Read on and hopefully you will be inspired to take 2008 to a whole new level – in more ways than one!
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H IS FOR ‘HORNY’: So you may be thinking, “I am horny, but I just don’t act on it.” This is the problem for sooooo many couples. One partner wants sex but is too afraid or timid to approach the other partner. Why break the streak of no sex? If she hasn’t wanted sex in 4 months, why approach her now? He has turned me down the last 6 times I have tried, why bother? Well, because sex is something that couples need to be doing! Sex is not the end all, be all of a relationship – but if you are not having ANY sex, then you need to revamp your relationship and get back on the horse! There are hundreds of reasons why couples stop being intimate – but there are also hundreds of reasons to start being intimate AGAIN! IF you are married – or in a committed relationship – it takes work to keep sex new and refreshing. You can not expect to be married for 5, 10, 20 or more years and have an interesting and exciting sex life all the time! So, what do you do? Change it up a little. Do not be afraid to initiate sex with your partner – do not stop trying. IF it gets to the point when sex has stopped completely – talk to your partner about it. IF talking isn’t helping, then seek out counseling! Counseling is a valuable tool for many couples. Do what it takes to fix your stagnant sex life. IF it can not be fixed – after talking, trying, counseling – then consider what you need from the relationship? Do you want to have a sexless life? This is the year to make decisions – be happy in 2008!
A IS FOR ‘APPRECIATION’… How many of us feel ‘unappreciated’ by our lovers? How many of us have stopped appreciating, noticing or acknowledging what our lover does for us? When we feel like we are taken advantage of – in any number of ways, sexual and not, we find ourselves feeling….less than intimate! When a person doesn’t acknowledge their lover – whether it be the way they clean the house, a change in hairstyle or color, the effort with kids, a nice dinner that was made – then that person feels invisible to their partner. People who feel invisible do not feel like having sex! Appreciation is a two-way street! You have to show each other how lucky you feel to be sharing a life together! I personally think that every day should have at least one compliment, mention, or other acknowledgement directed toward your partner. It can be as simple as, “wow, this dinner looks great, thanks honey.” Or even something more directive, “I am really lucky to be married to a man like you.” Being appreciative and expressing your feelings is a great way to keep things intimate! No woman nor man wants to have sex with a person who doesn’t ‘see’ the effort they put forth! So, remember this and try to make every day in 2008 a day when you talk to and appreciate the gift of your partner!
P AND P ARE FOR ‘PLAYFULLY PLEASING’: In all the articles I have written I talk a lot about ‘pleasing’ your partner. Many ways of doing it from A to Z. I have been a bit remiss in mentioning in these same articles the importance of SEX AS ADULT PLAYTIME! Ultimately, if you are not having fun playing with your partner, you are not pleasing yourself or them! Sex is a time to be experimental, to laugh, cry, orgasm, scream, touch, lick, trick, tease – basically, to pull out all the stops in your quest for mutual pleasure! There can be no true pleasure without the giving of pleasure! If you are in a relationship where one takes, takes and takes, and the other gives, gives and gives – then STOP! Take time to pleasure each other in a playful manner! Sex is such a wonderfully versatile activity. There is no one way to have sex (truly, think about it!) If you are stuck in missionary only land, with little or no foreplay, no expression of wants or desires, no discussion of fantasies or of things you like or dislike - then you are not ‘playing!’ Adults need to play with one another – and this can be as simple as a little nibble on the breast to a whole range of bondage games. Playing with each other means finding new and fun ways to reach the pinnacle! So this year, make a conscious note to have fun when you are having sex! Use your imagination, discuss your fantasies, be playful in search of your pleasure! I guarantee sex will be better if you just follow the two Ps!
Y is for ‘YOU’: When I visit the discussion board on TooTimid, I see a lot of posts where men and women ask, “what can I do to please my partner?” While I think that this is FANTASTIC, that so many people are interested in pleasing their partner, I find that it is equally as important to ask, “how can he or she pleasure ME?” In many relationships, one of the partners has forgotten about the “I!” What do I like; what do I need; what can I do to pleasure myself? In any effective relationship, there has to be consideration for what YOU need, want and desire, as much as what your partner does! Perhaps you are the shy type – you can’t imagine voicing what you truly need from sex. Or, you have never thought about personal pleasure. Well, this is the year to do that! In this coming year, make sure to be true to yourself! Think about what makes YOU hot, what turns YOU on, what gives YOU pleasure! Tell your partner about it! Start a dialogue about mutual pleasure! If you are not taking care of yourself, then you are not being honest and true to your partner! It is very important that all of us not only take care of our partner’s needs, but that we take care of our own as well! IF we all do this in 2008, there will be much more satisfied and happy couples making love this year!
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NEW IS FOR ‘NEW’: New what you might ask? Well, new everything! Keeping a relationship fresh takes imagination, experimentation, perspiration and a verve for trying NEW things! This means new positions – try reading a book on Tantric Sex! Get daring with your positioning and you might find a few dozen new favorites! How about NEW locations? Sex is not to be had only in the bedroom! Try the shower, the kitchen floor, the couch – do it in your car – relive those urgent times of ‘hasty sex.’ Perhaps NEW TOYS! This is a favorite of mine! If you do not have sex toys, or already have a few – buy NEW ones! Try out a vibrator, a couple’s enhancer, an oral sex lube! Get creative and find new ways to please with toys! NEW LINGERIE or NEW BEDDING can make a world of difference in how sexual we feel. If you have the same old, dirty, flower patterned, lavender and lace bedding you had when you got married 25 years ago – change it! Buy NEW bedding. Likewise, if you are still wearing the same lingerie from 10 years ago – GO SHOPPING! Find something new and saucy that makes you feel like a Sex Goddess! There are so many ways to bring newness into your relationship! Just having a NEW attitude toward sex is one of the easiest ways to accomplish this! Think about yourself as a healthy, sexual being – and then project that every time you get into the bed (or on the floor!) Be a NEW YOU this year – and be happy and content with yourself as a sexual person! This new attitude will assure you a happier sex life – and a happier you in general!
Y IS FOR ‘YES, YES, YEEESSSS’: Have you gotten into the routine of saying ‘No’ to sex? You know what I mean, “not tonight, I am tired.” “Not tonight, the kids have homework.” “Not tonight, I have a headache.” “Not tonight, there are great shows on TV.” It seems like we can sometimes find more reasons to say “no” to sex than “yes!” Why is this? Simply, our life is full of responsibilities, hectic days, long nights, many things we have to do. We sometimes feel like we don’t HAVE to have sex. While it is OK and perfectly acceptable to sometimes not have sex for whatever reason, if your “no’s” are exceeding your “yes’” then you have an issue you need to correct! Sometimes we need to say ‘yes’ to sex even if we really don’t feel 100% up for it! Why? Sex is a stress reliever, it can be super relaxing, it is good to have sex with your partner and not always turn them down, it is a way to stay intimate, it can be the only time we connect with our partner in a day, it is FUN, and the more sex you have, the more you want! Sometimes when we say ‘yes’ to sex when we are not completely in the mood – we end up having the best sex ever! Why? Our bodies are conditioned to react to stimuli – touch, kissing, licking – and once we start revving the engine, our body reacts! This is a wonderful physiological phenomenon – and it is like this for a reason. IF we all waited until we were 100% in the mood – sex would not be happening in a majority of bedrooms! This is not to say that you ‘have’ to say ‘yes.’ It is OK, and advisable, to say no if you really, truly do not want to. Our partners need to understand that this will happen and respect that. However, in 2008 try to remember all the positive aspects of having sex – and use sex as an advantage not an obligation. Give yourself the gift of sex and your life will be happier – I guarantee it!
E IS FOR ‘EEYORE’: Confused? Don’t be, I know where I am going with this. You know who Eeyore is, right? Pooh Bear’s buddy, the funny little mule who says, “oh bother…..” He is sluggish, uninterested and downright crabby. Well people, this year try NOT to be an ‘Eeyore!” If we look at sex as something not fun, not enjoyable, work related, then we are going to become Eeyores! Oh bother! I think that almost everyone falls prey to this attitude in life – not just sex life but life in general. You know how it happens – I want to have sex but by the time I get warmed up, my partner is done…oh bother! I like it when he goes down on me, but he won’t ….oh bother! She won’t give me a blowjob – but I have to touch her for 2 hours for the orgasm…oh bother! Sex is NOT a ‘bother’ people – not if you are doing it right and paying attention to your partner! Along with all the other suggestions here we have to realize and remember that sex is a participatory sport! We need to be present and in the moment when we have sex – every time! If we don’t then we are sending a message to our partner – and to ourselves – that sex is not fun or good! This is not a way to foster a happy or healthy sex life! My suggestion? Be more of a Tigger than an Eeyore! Try to be enthusiastic, uplifting, honest, participatory, horny, excited and downright into sex! If we make an effort to not look at sex as something to waste a few minutes, then we will get more into it and so will our partner! This portion of the article goes hand in hand with everything else! Use this in conjunction with the rest of the suggestions and stop thinking, ‘oh bother!’ and think, ‘oh baby’ instead!
A IS FOR ‘AUDITORY’: No, I don’t mean screaming loudly during sex (although, that could be fun too!) I am talking more about being auditory about your wants, desires, pleasures and fantasies! It does you no good whatsoever to silently WISH that your partner was doing something differently – you have to TELL them, out loud! If you have a fantasy that you really want to act out – TELL THEM! IF you want to try sex toys, lubes, or a new position – TELL THEM! This is going to be the year when we all stop being afraid and timid! We are going to say to our partners, “I want to be tied up!” We are going to admit that “we like anal sex!” We are going to tell our partner, “I love it when you go down on me – do it more PLEASE!” We are going to shock the crap out of our sex partner by being honest and open and letting them know what we want, like and need more of! Hey guys, if you say it out loud, your partner just might oblige you! Now isn’t that a novel idea???
R is for ‘Remembering’: Just because we are entering into a brand, new year does not mean that we should forget all the good times, bad times, mistakes or bad choices we have made these past years when it comes to sex! We owe it to ourselves to remember those things and to learn from them! We need to pay homage to the past to get on with a better and brighter future! If we remember and process the things we did not like, that were unsuccessful for us, or that we really liked – then we can make this next year better!
Taking inventory of our past is something we all need to do. This is how we learn to do better, to relive the things we did great and to not relive the things we did badly. It is a way to improve our life though experience – and this is very important in sex. Especially if you have been married for a long time –there are definitely things in your past that were very good or very bad. Try to revamp the good and to bury the bad! IF we all take time to remember the past our future will be better!
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HAPPY NEW SEX LIFE: I love the New Year because I get to start fresh too! Everyone needs a point that they can start new and just make resolutions to do better! My sex life is pretty darn good, but I have remembered some of the things that I want to do again, some things I need to revisit, some things that I can not do anymore. I am looking toward 2008 as a time when my hubby and I can do better for each other! I know all of you can and will try to take this article to heart and use the information to your own advantage! 2008 will be the best year for you if you make it so! Sex is something that we all can improve on – and when we do, we will see vast improvements in our life as well! So here I am, wishing each of my readers the very best 2008 ever – in and out of the bedroom! Happy New Year!
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