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How To Enjoy Sex Post-Break-Up Or Divorce

Posted by Mikayla to Men's Issues
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Statistically, 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce – and the rate is rising!  Factor in the number of long-term relationships that are also ending daily and you have a whole lot of newly single people out in the world looking for love – and sex!  A divorce is an extremely traumatic event no matter the cause.  Even civil divorces – where both parties agree it is for the betterment of both – can and will cause pain, fear, sadness and even depression.  You can’t be married to someone and not feel the loss of their presence in your life.  That is human nature.  Similarly, long-term relationships (or even not so long) pack a punch when it comes to breaking up.  We often find ourselves wanting to take a mental and physical break from dating and intimacy.  This is healthy and probably the best thing to do.  However, at some point we will want to get back on the wagon as far as dating goes – and soon after – sex!  How can we enjoy intimacy with another person after having our hearts broken?  How do we adjust to a new partner after having sex with the same partner for 10 or more years?  These are all issues that come up after a break-up – how to get back in the saddle!



GIVE YOURSELF THE TIME:  Probably the first and most important thing to remember when trying to decide whether you are ready to have sex again after a break-up is that you need time to grieve the loss of the last relationship.  You need to allow the sadness and the process of letting go of the previous relationship.  IF you don’t, you are beautiful pleasure womanmost likely going to find yourself in a very awkward position when you next hit the sheets with someone.  Being MENTALLY prepared for a new sex partner is more important than being physically ready.  This means, just because you miss sex and may be horny, it may not be the right time to jump back in.  Your emotional rawness will not bode well, I assure you.

The Truth About Female Sexual Desire


FIND THE RIGHT PARTNER:  Loneliness sucks.  No ifs, ands or buts, it does.  No one likes to be alone – at least not for a long time.  When we are divorced (and especially if our ex has a new partner) we may feel lonely to the point of just wanting to fill the void.  This may cause us to hook up with someone whom we really would have no interest in being with long term – or – we fool ourselves into liking someone more than we should just to fill that void in our bed.  IF you want to truly be ready to move on sexually you have to wait for the right partner.  This means someone whom you truly like, on all levels, and who also respects you and your situation.  Jumping into bed with a guy who may want to just get a booty call out of the way or with a girl who you don’t like, but are attracted to, is not the way to go.  Waiting for a partner who you can connect with on many levels is the way to go.

DON’T BE PRESSURED:  If you want to truly enjoy your next sexual experience then it is imperative that you do not allow yourself to be pressured into sex!  There is no shame at all in waiting until you are ready.  Remember, a break-up is a traumatic experience, and jumping right into the sack with someone is like putting a Barbie Band-Aid on a gunshot wound:  it won’t fix it.  If you are dating someone who knows your situation (and you should always be honest) and is pressuring you for sex – they are not the right partner for you!  Someone who respects you as a person (and not just a booty call) will understand you wanting to take it slowly.  If you find a partner who is understanding, then you most likely will want to have sex with them sooner rather than later because it will feel RIGHT to you!  That is important.  Take things at your own pace, and with your own terms.


ALLOW THE PLEASURE:  Finally, once you have found the right partner, it is time to allow yourself the simple pleasures of sex!  The feelings and touches and excitement of a new partner can be such a tremendously exciting time!  The first time you get truly intimate with a new partner is scary and exhilarating and downright fun!  Don’t think about the past – live and be in the present with the new partner!  Enjoy the different ways he or she touches, kisses and caresses.  Get lost in the moment with them.  Allow yourself the new discovery of him or her.  Take the opportunity to look at the new partner as almost a sexual “do-over” in that you can explore new things, take new risks, try new activities to please you both.  Allowing yourself, or giving yourself permission, to enjoy the pleasure is going to be the final step in moving on!  Celebrate the newness and look forward to the future – even if you are just looking at the next few hours naked and sweaty in bed!

How Long Did You Wait?
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Comments

Date 11/9/2015
Glenna
I got divorced after 20 years of marriage and it was like losing my best friend... It took me a while to get back out there (about 2 years) and I was nervous at first but LADIES, THERE IS LOVE AFTER DIVORCE!!!
Date 11/9/2015
Susan ****
I wated maybe a full month after the divorce was final... we were already done at that point anyway and with the kids grown there really wasnt anything holding me back! I called up a friend i had been in touch with over the years and we hooked up quickly. it felt so good to date again and be intimate with a new person
Date 11/9/2015
ralphie
sometimes you know its the right person and you dont wait long
Date 11/9/2015
phoebe
my girlfriend of 2 years dumped me pretty recently and its been rough... ive been on a few dates and its fun but I havent found anyone I'm ready to hit the sheets with. Sometimes I get kind of anxious and I want to just do it to get the weird part over with, but like you said, I should wait until I know it's a good match
Date 11/9/2015
Miss Cloudy
2 mo.
Date 11/9/2015
Cody
Wife left about six weeks ago. no dating for me yet, still pretty broken up about it
Date 11/13/2015
Sandy
Almost a year and a half for me after my husband passed away. A lot of booty calls with no booty. Didn't feel right. I was told so many things to try and get me in the sack. I have been seeing someone about 3 months now, and it feels so right with him. There is life after losing your loved one also and being an older woman. You have to LET GO if you want love again.
Date 11/13/2015
Blackgirl
I've been separated a little over a year and a few months after that I met an old teenage boyfriend,we met and we had sex and we enjoyed every minute and we still enjoying each other i'm very happy
Date 2/18/2016
CC
I am legally separated from my husband of 16 years being together and it's been over a year and a half that he's been seeing someone on the side that I never knew about until last year July of 2015...I was and still am devastated. She is a massage happy ending whore and he has moved in to a nice three bedroom town house with her and spending all our money (yes half is mine and we have 2 young daughters) on her which hurts a lot because he never spent or spends money on us. and she gets designer purses for $6000.00 and $4000.00! WTF he is a monster...so no I haven't been with anyone and the last time I had sex was with my husband about 3 weeks ago...i can't let go and basically i am messed up in the head to let him come around and have sex with me...She is fresh off the boat from China and trained to take our husbands away if they know or think the man has money so look out ladies and keep your man away from those hinky disgusting places. Her work place is going to get flattened and rebuilt in to homes so where will she work now...out of their home they rent from...??? lol that would be too funny.
Date 2/18/2016
TooTimid Angela
@CC OMG!! That is TERRIBLE!! I hope you're doing better! Sounds like you are better off!

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