"Hi Mikayla! I am a 42 year old male and I have a HUGE secret...I really like anal. I'm scared I'm not considered "normal." I am not gay. My orgasm is so much better when I get pleasure from my penis being stroked and when I'm playing with an anal toy! The problem is I don't know how to tell my wife that I want to try anal...on ME. How do I tell her and if I get her approval...how should we start without freaking her out? Thanks."
Dear Anal Anonymous:
Oh honey, you are not alone! There are so many men who have the same love of anal stimulation and the same fears and concerns about sharing this enjoyment with their female partners. First, yes, it is true, enjoying anal does NOT make you gay. Homosexuality has to do with the attraction to other men, not to liking anal stimulation. However, this stigma exists in the heterosexual community because of homophobia. I am not suggesting you are homophobic, but for the interest of other readers, it is important to make the distinction. The truth is: anal stimulation feels GOOD – for both male and females. Many males report that simply a little digital (finger) stimulation during a blow job will make them harder and make their orgasm more intense! Why is this? There are a lot of nerve endings in the anal canal (in both men and women) and the man have a prostate gland that gets stimulated through anal penetration. This, combined specifically with oral or manual stimulation of the penis, makes for sensory overload! Personally, I suggest all men try it at least once, as I have heard it is an amazing experience. However, I do not have to tell YOU that, do I? So, how do you break the news to your wife?
Well, first, does SHE like anal? If she likes anal then your road to convincing her that you like it and are NOT gay are much easier. You could just explain that the male and female rectal canal is the same, and if it feels good to HER it will feel good to you too. Has she ever done any rimming (licking of the anus usually during oral sex) with you or you to her? If so, she is pretty open and you can just suggest she take it one, tiny step further. Tell her, “oh baby, you know when you lick my asshole during oral it really, really turns me on, I would love it if you would stick a finger or two up there while you blow me.” This is usually a good way to advance forward to toy play. Now, if she has veered clear of all things ass, then you may have a little more work to do in the convincing department.
If anal avenue is a new destination for her, then I would suggest just going the honesty route. Tell her that you really enjoy stimulating yourself anally during masturbation. That your orgasm is so intense when you do it that you want to share that experience with her. Tell her how much you want to pleasure her, and if there are any fantasies or sexual desires that she has that you want her to feel comfortable to tell you. Make sure you answer all her questions – and she may have them. Like, “does this mean you are bi-sexual” or “how long have you been doing this” or “does it feel good even when you don’t stimulate yourself anally?” Be wary of that last one, as she may be trying to figure out if she, alone, can please you! Just answer honestly and see if she is game for playing with you. If she is not, DO NOT pressure her! Just allow her to have her view and keep stimulating yourself anally and perhaps bring it up again another time. If she says she’s on board with trying, then you need to start out slowly with her.As I am uncertain as to the type of toy you are currently using, if it is a small plug, vibe or set of beads then you can probably just ask her to use what you have. Now, if you are using a larger, more phallic toy – it may be wise to steer clear of this at first. You do not want her to have doubts about your heterosexuality because you like to have a dildo up your ass. Just explain to her how to do it – the depth, speed, pressure – and let her pleasure you. Once she sees how crazy you become for it, she will be eager to please. Then, you can suggest SHE try it as well (keep in mind never to share anal toys and, of course, never to go from anal to vaginal.) If your ultimate goal is to have her don a strap-on and “do you” anally – it is best to work up to this slowly. I know for myself, this is something I have done with past partners, but it is not my favorite activity. So, go slowly and be sensitive of her feelings and emotions. The idea is always to BRING pleasure, never hurt or pain! GOOD LUCK!