Do you remember when you were first dating your lover and you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other? You were making out in grocery stores, having sex in the bar bathroom or in the car - you were getting busy whenever the mood struck you. In other words: you were spontaneous! Spontaneous sex is some of the best sex because it is sex that is lust driven. You WANT each other and you just HAVE to have each other. How incredibly sexy is that? You are also in that early, honeymoon stage where doing it in every room of your new apartment is an absolute must. When blowjobs on the way to dinner at a friends was a very welcome surprise. When waking up 20 minutes earlier to have sex before the workday began was just something you wanted badly to do. So, now I have a question:
What the hell happened?
When did spontaneous “I have got to have you” sex become “I don’t have time tonight” or “but I have to get up early tomorrow” lack of sex? Yes, life takes control. Kids put a serious rut into our romantic lives. We forget how to be spontaneous. We forget each other’s sexual needs and desires. We forget our own. When we forget that lust – that need – that we have for each other it does damage to our intimacy. Couples NEED sex – planned and spontaneous. They need to feel that heat and desire for each other.
So, how do you add spontaneous sex back into your day? Well, the irony is that by answering that question I have effectively taken the word “spontaneous” out of the equation because you would have a plan, and that is not spontaneous.
Spontaneous sex is as such:
See your lover in the shower while you are brushing your teeth. You throw down toothbrush and get in the shower. Why? You just HAVE to have her!
See how this works? You can’t plan to be spontaneous – you just have to do it!
OK, I know you are thinking, but I can’t! I don’t know HOW to be spontaneous! How can I be spontaneous with children? HELP!
OK, I will give you some suggestions on times / places where you can try to be spontaneous. However, it is all up to YOU to make it happen, OK?
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I have mentioned this one already. People take showers. People take showers daily – and sometimes TWICE daily. People are in the shower for, oh, 15 minutes. Sometimes you even LOCK the door when you take a shower. Kids even leave you alone, mostly, when you take a shower. See where I am going with this? No, no no. Stop with the excuses! I know what you are thinking: but my wife gets up 30 minutes before I do, I like sleep! Yeah, we all like sleep but don’t you like sex too? GET THE POINT! Take sexy, quickie showers together. Come on, you know you want to.
Everyone has got to eat, right? Food is a needed substance and lunch and a break in the day is a needed experience. If you live anywhere close enough to home to go home for “lunch” then do so! Your partner is there doing whatever he or she is doing – just walk in and say, “I want to eat you for lunch!” There you go! I bet that tuna salad sandwich is not seeming so great now, is it?
A side idea along the same lines is the hotel date. I had a friend once who would book a cheap hotel near her husband’s work and once a month or so she would pick him up for “lunch” in the hotel. She reported it was the best hour spent because it saved their marriage. Sometimes you have to make the sacrifice to be spontaneous. Yes, you have to plan this. However, it can be planned 30 minutes before and he or she will be surprised.
GOT UP TO PEE? DO ME!
As we get older we tend to wake up mid-sleep to go pee. It happens. So, you are up, have used the bathroom and now you are sort of awake / asleep. Perhaps it is a Friday night, or, you do not have to get up early the next morning. Why not take an opportunity given and wake up your partner for some hot, middle-of-the-night sex? You know you used to do this just because (not because you were up to pee) so take a cue from the younger you – get busy at 2:00 am!
All couples should have a date night. A night where you go out without the kids and do something “couple-like.” It could be a movie, dinner, golfing, even grocery shopping without the kids. Yes, that is a thing we parents look forward to. Sad, I know. IN any event, you are in a CAR, you are ALONE, it is usually DARK outside. Um, HELLLLLOOOO! Do you see where I am going with this? Find a nice, quiet, dark place to park! Too chicken to have full on intercourse? A handjob and some fingering will do nicely. Yup. Date night. Do it.
I hope you are getting the picture here. There are many times and places where you can just take advantage of some time to squeeze in some spontaneous loving. This is not just for those with kids, this is for any couple who may be lacking in the spontaneous sex! Use the time you have – and use it for fun sometimes. The next time you see your lover changing into her pajamas to read in bed – throw the book on the floor and her on the bed! Come on, I know you all can do it!
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