For many couples, the task of finding time for sex becomes, well, a literal task. When we become busy with our careers, kids, other responsibilities we often let sex fall to the wayside. We are too tired, our kids need our attention, our boss needs a presentation the next day, or we simply do not place any importance on sex because we are busy and there are too many other things on our minds. This can become a huge problem in a relationship, especially if one partner is still desiring sex and is getting the brush off. The fact is, a couple needs to prioritize sex because sex is more than just orgasms it is intimacy. A very important part of intimacy. When a couple lets sex go they become disconnected and, sometimes, grow resentful. So, how do you prioritize sex when you honestly feel you can’t find the time? Here are some gentle suggestions.
STOP BEING THE MARTYR
Yes, your children have needs. Yes, they are important. Yes, you need to feed them, bathe them, help them with their homework. Yes, you have to parent. However, unless you have infants requiring much more constant care, you can give yourself a night every week where they get to watch TV a little later and you and your partner can have some “Mommy / Daddy alone time.” Or, if this makes you uncomfortable, you can let some of the child duties go for a night. Maketheir lunches in the morning, do the laundry the next day, bathe them a bit earlier and send them to bed a bit earlier. Find a way to put your couple needs in the mix with the kid’s needs. This is especially important for those women who become “Mommy Martyrs” – you know what I am talking about, I don’t need to explain it. Sorry Mommies, I am calling you out. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you do not have a husband who needs his WIFE and all that comes with it.
PUT IT ON THE CALENDAR
Yes, I mean literally put it on the calendar, put it in your iPhone calendar, write a post-it note reminder – whatever you do to remember important appointments, you do that only this is a sex appointment. If your lives are so busy that you can’t have somewhat regular sex, then you need to put it on your calendar. Find a day and time that works for both of you. Perhaps you will take a long lunch and meet at home for a quickie. Or, you can send the kids to Grandma’s house for an afternoon or night once a month. Whatever you have to do to get that day and time open for sex you do it! Treat it just as important as your 6 month dental check-up – get it done. I know it seems unromantic, but we are talking about keeping intimacy alive here, and drastic situations call for drastic measures.
Why Regular Sex Is Important
GET USED TO QUICKIES
So many people balk at the idea of a quickie. Saying that it is “not romantic” or “it may be good for him, but it surely isn’t for me” or even “quickies are distasteful ways of having sex.” OK, get off your high horse guys, quickies are essential if you are trying to prioritize sex. If you can’t find the 30 minutes to have a proper sex session then a quickie is your best bet. No one is telling you that you have to ONLY have quickies, but, if you can have a 5 minute shower session then go for it. Making sex a priority is all about fitting it in when you can, and if you only have 5-10 minutes, then use those minutes. Supplement another time, but at least scratch that itch! For those women who are saying, rightfully, “But I can’t even get warmed up in 5 minutes!” You make a deal with your partner that the next quickie is all about YOU and YOUR needs! No one said shower sex couldn’t be shower oral! Oh yeah, now you see what I mean!
I realize if you are having trouble fitting sex into a weekly routine that the notion of a weekend getaway might seem utterly ridiculous, but hear me out. For some couples who may be having issues with pure exhaustion, you need a little more than a 5 minute quickie on a Wednesday. You need time to unwind, relax, reconnect with your partner AND have some much needed sex! So, for some couples, the once a month weekend getaway is a miracle! You can go somewhere local, have a nice dinner, do whatever you want without the children, work distractions or any other pressures and just “be” as a couple. If you are lucky enough to have another couple with kids as close friends you can offer to trade off sex weekends so that you have a guaranteed babysitter for your weekend! Trust me, this is a wonderful way to stay intimately connected while recharging.
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