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How To Admit A Fantasy To Your Partner

Posted by Mikayla to General / Misc Info
How To Talk About Fantasies With Your PartnerCheck Out Our Sex Toys For Couples!

Fantasies, we all have them.  Sometimes our fantasies are, well, outside of what society would consider standard.  I don’t use the word “normal” because that word connotes a sort of judgment, and no one should judge anybody’s sexual desires.  Any fantasy that is, well, legal and moral (meaning, any fantasy involving sex with children, real rape, torture, etc. is not moral or right) – any other fantasy we should be open to at least talking about.  Sometimes we may have a fantasy that borders on unusual and we are afraid to share it with our partner because they may judge us, find us odd, break-up with us, or even become afraid of us!  Now you are probably wondering what types of fantasies could evoke such a powerful reaction, right?  Well, think about these (more common than you know) fantasies that we sometimes keep inside:

Golden showers (incorporating being peed on / peeing on a partner)
Scat fantasies (incorporating poop into sex play)
Furries (dressing up in a furry animal costume)
Horseplay (wanting to dress like a horse with a bridle, etc.)
Extreme bondage (wanting to be completely disabled, restrained)
Torture play (getting sexual pleasure from pain – sadomasochistic)
Rape fantasy (wanting to live out a rape scenario with a safe partner)
Sex with a stranger (someone NOT your partner, no one you know)
Sex with an object (bottles, cans, riding crops)
Making a porno (with a partner or in general)
Sex with a stripper / John (paying or being paid for sex acts)
Cross dressing (wearing the clothing / lingerie of the opposite sex)
Sex with multiple people (orgies, threesomes, bukkakae)

The list goes on and on, there are so many types of fantasies that listing them all is impossible.  So, what if you have a fantasy like sex with a stranger?  How do you tell your partner?  Keeping in mind that a fantasy is a desire, not always something you would actually WANT to do in 
real life, but it is something that is in your mind.  Sometimes we can keep a fantasy inside and never admit it, but sometimes we REALLY want to try something and we wish we could tell our partner.  How do we go about that?

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

Before you unleash a fantasy on your partner, be totally honest with yourself and ask yourself these 4 questions:

1.  Is this something I REALLY want to do or just talk about doing?
2.  Is this something that would upset or hurt my partner?
3.  Is it important enough to me to risk hurting or upsetting my partner?
4.  Is this something I “have” to do at some point or I won’t be sexually fulfilled?

Once you have asked yourself those questions, you will know whether or not you really want to discuss this with your partner.  If, for example, you have a fantasy about having sex with many partners at once.  You know without a doubt that your partner would be devastated to hear that you want anyone but them.  If this is something you would never really do, but think about during masturbation or like to watch in porn, well, then it is not really worth bringing up because you would never really do it.  On the contrary, if you have a fantasy that you have had for a long time, it keep emerging into your thoughts, and you know you have to experience it, well, then it may be worth taking the risk and telling your partner.

Kinky Woman Holding Sex Whip 5 Sex Fantasies That Aren't Easy To Do

FRAME THE DISCUSSION CAREFULLY

The above questions will help you to decide how you want to discuss this with your partner.  If, for example, it is just a sexy thought, something you just want to vocalize but not actually DO, then make sure your partner knows this.  You may want to frame the discussion like this:

“Baby, you know what?  I have always had this fantasy that is a little unusual.  It excites me to think about it, but I would never actually want it to happen.  However, there is something dark and dangerous about it that turns me on.”

Then you can go ahead and explain it, being clear that you do not want to do it.  The reactions may STILL be judgmental or even panic (if they think you do want to play out the fantasy), but ultimately, all you have done is discuss some thoughts you have.

If, however, the fantasy is something you really do want them to partake in, but you are not sure how they would take the idea, you can frame the discussion like this:

“Honey, do you know how you told me about that 50 Shades of Grey fantasy you had?  Well, I have a fantasy too, and it is a little strange, but I really think I would like to try it once if you are up to it.  If you say no, it is not a big deal, but it may end up being something we both enjoy.”

This sends the message that you want your partner to be involved in it, that it is OK if they do not want to do it, but also that it is something you are interested in actually exploring.

BE PREPARED FOR THE REACTION

Many times our partners may not have a very enthusiastic or favorable reaction to an unusual fantasy.  Hearing our lover’s deepest sexual thoughts can be jarring.  It can cause a lot of reactions, some of which are severe.  For example, if you are expressing a fantasy that may involve another person, a knee-jerk reaction may be that you are not sexually satisfied in the relationship, which would bring about feelings of jealousy or concern.  Or, if you have a fantasy that involves rape or pain, your partner may wonder why you would want to engage in something so severe, and panic that you are not the person who they thought you were.  Our reactions are individualistic and it is important that you be prepared for any and all reactions.

OPEN DIALOGUE / ANSWER QUESTIONS

Once you have opened the jar, you have to be prepared to honestly answer questions.  Your partner may have many of them, and you can’t just say “I don’t know” but you have to honestly answer them.  For example, let’s say you just admitted to your partner that you have a rape fantasy.  This is how a conversation could go:

“Why in the world would you EVER want to have someone rape you?  Abuse you?  Hurt you in that way?”

“I wouldn’t. The fantasy is not about actually being raped.  That idea scares me.  I wouldn’t want to be abused.”

“Well, then why the hell do you tell me you fantasize about it?”

“Well, fantasies are safe.  I can control what happens in my own mind, even though rape is not something that could be controlled.  I told you because I trust you.  I love you.  I think I like the idea of you taking what you want from me, but I could still be safe while it is happening.”

“Oh, so you don’t want a stranger to do it, you just like the idea of being forcefully taken?”

In this example the couple gets to the root of the actual fantasy, and can work with the parameters of this type of sex act.  It can actually be achieved together, and fulfill that part of her fantasy.


BE PREPARED TO LET IT GO

Finally, when you bring up a fantasy to your partner, you have to be prepared to let it go and to never experience it.  If your fantasy is something you HAVE to do, and your partner is not willing to help, then you have a choice – let it go or leave the relationship.  Most of the time our fantasies are just that – fantasies.  Not something we actually want to do, and we would be OK never doing them.  So, if your partner says “no” then just let it go and keep it in your fantasy compartment.  Or, if it is that important to you, then decide on whether you can continue in the relationship.  I think once you think long and hard the relationship will ultimately win.

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Comments

Date 9/5/2017
Jesse
I would love to have a threesome or even just watch another man pleasure my wife.
Date 9/5/2017
Heather Beile
I like the idea of extreme bondage, though my partner and I are still working our way up to that. I love the thought of my arms and legs being tied and letting my hubby do whatever he wants to me, but it's a lot at once! So simple cuffs and a blindfold to start. It's a lot of fun to explore fantasies together, even if you don't get exactly what you want at first :)
Date 9/5/2017
hushkink
my partner and I enjoy role-reversal with a strapon and roleplay as different people. Got a box full of costumes ive collected over the years lol
Date 9/5/2017
Libby Dawnsworth
I have always wanted to enjoy the company of other womenand my husband is very understanding. maybe will have a threesome one day if I feel comfortable enough with a woman!
Date 9/5/2017
Anonymous
Partners should always be willing to hear the other person out! If I ever have a partner who doesn't even want to know I have fantasies, they are too insecure for me. Sharing fantasies there needs to be trust on both sides.
Date 9/9/2017
Vanessa Silva
My boyfriend is a freaky regarding sex and is the dayuring sex this man turn me on with bad words with his horny voice but he almost always forget to do a for-play. And we ust to do sex every day and spend the whole afternoon with me so sometimes we could do two or three times and now he tells me that his company is facing a little crise and then he must go over meetings two or three times for lunch meeting with his partners to do more efforts to make the company grow but I believe he is having sex with someone freak because the sex is different every day which is amazing but my concern is if he was addicted and we needed to be together every day! He needed of my touch... our sex is something unusual! Is magical but I never told nobody just here because I can be anonymous... perhaps some people could teady
Date 9/9/2017
Vanessa Silva
My boyfriend is a freaky regarding sex and is the dayuring sex this man turn me on with bad words with his horny voice but he almost always forget to do a for-play. And we ust to do sex every day and spend the whole afternoon with me so sometimes we could do two or three times and now he tells me that his company is facing a little crise and then he must go over meetings two or three times for lunch meeting with his partners to do more efforts to make the company grow but I believe he is having sex with someone freak because the sex is different every day which is amazing but my concern is if he was addicted and we needed to be together every day! He needed of my touch... our sex is something unusual! Is magical but I never told nobody just here because I can "desabafar"... perhaps some people could ready and give me a good advice for me to fix this situation because I have my fantasies but I feel embarrassed to say during our sex so sometimes I say bad words then I go to my imagination and then hen he ask me what am I thinking and normally I am concentrated in how I will please him but sometimes I imagine another environment with someone else there with us and I don't want him throwing in my face later indirectly or judge me deep down in his crazy mind... but maybe he was in a strip club which he should Not ever especially without me.... so if
Date 9/9/2017
Vanessa Silva
My boyfriend is a freaky regarding sex and is the dayuring sex this man turn me on with bad words with his horny voice but he almost always forget to do a for-play. And we ust to do sex every day and spend the whole afternoon with me so sometimes we could do two or three times and now he tells me that his company is facing a little crise and then he must go over meetings two or three times for lunch meeting with his partners to do more efforts to make the company grow but I believe he is having sex with someone freak because the sex is different every day which is amazing but my concern is if he was addicted and we needed to be together every day! He needed of my touch... our sex is something unusual! Is magical but I never told nobody just here because I can "desabafar"... perhaps some people could ready and give me a good advice for me to fix this situation because I have my fantasies but I feel embarrassed to say during our sex so sometimes I say bad words then I go to my imagination and then hen he ask me what am I thinking and normally I am concentrated in how I will please him but sometimes I imagine another environment with someone else there with us and I don't want him throwing in my face later indirectly or judge me deep down in his crazy mind... but maybe he was in a strip club which he should Not ever especially without me.... so if you are reading this and has ideas of what's going on...please light me up. I don't have much experience in readying people's that are older then me and possibly is tricking me or lieing to me!!! I am confused and lost but I don't like to be on the dark. I am being honest and loyal to him I expect the same. Thank you
Date 9/9/2017
Vanessa Silva
My boyfriend is a freaky regarding sex and is the dayuring sex this man turn me on with bad words with his horny voice but he almost always forget to do a for-play. And we ust to do sex every day and spend the whole afternoon with me so sometimes we could do two or three times and now he tells me that his company is facing a little crise and then he must go over meetings two or three times for lunch meeting with his partners to do more efforts to make the company grow but I believe he is having sex with someone freak because the sex is different every day which is amazing but my concern is if he was addicted and we needed to be together every day! He needed of my touch... our sex is something unusual! Is magical but I never told nobody just here because I can "desabafar"... perhaps some people could ready and give me a good advice for me to fix this situation because I have my fantasies but I feel embarrassed to say during our sex so sometimes I say bad words then I go to my imagination and then hen he ask me what am I thinking and normally I am concentrated in how I will please him but sometimes I imagine another environment with someone else there with us and I don't want him throwing in my face later indirectly or judge me deep down in his crazy mind... but maybe he was in a strip club which he should Not ever especially without me.... so if you are reading this and has ideas of what's going on...please light me up. I don't have much experience in readying people's that are older then me and possibly is tricking me or lieing to me!!! I am confused and lost but I don't like to be on the dark. I am being honest and loyal to him I expect the same. Thank you
Date 10/3/2017
Bob smith
My fantasy is about having a girlfriend who has a fantasy about me wanting to share my twisted fantasy with her girlfriend. Heather Beile knows what I'm talking about since she once had a fantasy about her lover wishing he was me. When the truth came out, she found out her fantasy was actually real. He wished he was me, so he could have a hot slut like her. With her permission, he did everything he could to become me. Once he achieved that goal, I banged his slut.

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