I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news ladies, but statistically, 45 – 50% of ALL women will suffer a loss of libido at some point in their lifetime – and upwards of 60% will lose it significantly during menopause. It is so prevalent, in fact, that it even has a name: Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). WOW! Staggering numbers, eh? There are many reasons that this happens: hormonal flux, stress, lack of attraction to their partner, “mommydom,” menopause, depression, or medical conditions such as fibroids. The fact is, a woman’s body operates in a very delicate balance and sometimes one, small thing can set off a chain reaction that result in lack of sexual desire. This article is not as much to discuss ALL the causes of lack of libido – but instead to offer some ways to INCREASE libido. However, as always this article comes with the disclaimer to always seek medical advice if any condition is chronic or bothersome, as you may have an underlying medical condition that needs to be addressed. Now on to 9 Ways to Increase Your Libido!
9. STIFLE THE STRESSORS!: Mom. Mom! MOM!! Mommy! Mom. HEY MOM! Yes, that is the life of many women and it's an ultimate killer of libido! Who can think of being a sexy goddess in the bedroom when they have baby barf on their shirts, have to go to 3 PTA meetings, have soccer practice until 8:00 pm and have to make a replica of the Eiffel Tower out of Popsicle sticks? Not ME! NOT ANYONE! If you feel like your stress load due to kids, work, or life in general is getting too much to handle, then get some help! Hire a nanny – hell, hire a nanny and a housekeeper! Work less. Let the laundry go another day. Make a schedule and have those lovely little rugrats help you out with their laundry. Find ways to decompress! Do yoga! Meditate! Take a bath. You know you have to do it! Center yourself so that you can give something back to yourself in the way of sex!
8. MASTURBATE: Yes, I wrote that. Masturbate. Self love! Fantasy! Erotica reading or porn watching. Yes, masturbate. Why? I know, seems odd, right? You have low libido so you are to masturbate? YES! Why? The hormones we let off when we orgasm make us happy, bring us contentment, reduce stress (see above) and otherwise cause us to feel like we want to cum again. So, if we want to have another orgasm then what? Well, we want to have one with our partner! Masturbation can be a very easy fix to increasing libido. Quite simply: the more you orgasm the more orgasms you want!
Learn The Facts About Female Sexual Desire
7. TANTRIC LOVING: OK, I know that many of you may be skeptical about the whole Tantric Love thing but I assure you, Tantric sex is not only a real thing but it is something that can help you reconnect with your partner in ways you never dreamed of while increasing your interest in having sex.
Quick explanation of Tantric Sex: A slow, sustained form of sexual expression and intercourse founded on Indian mysticism that concentrates on deriving sexual pleasure not in orgasm, but in the connecting and “worshiping” of each others' bodies. This connection is achieved through a series of activities including massages, kissing, touching and sex acts thereby allowing the participants to have heightened arousal and longer, more significant sexual release (orgasms!)
In short, Tantric sex combines intimacy and closeness with sexual touch, expression, feeling, AND intercourse. Tantric sex can revitalize a couple, enhance pleasure, center feelings and cause greater and more intense orgasms! Who wouldn’t want that, right? So, if you have no other serious issues other than just feeling “meh” about sex – pick up a Tantric Sex Guide and start to get your Tantric on!
6. MARITAL MISSTEPS: It should come as no surprise that when the marriage is faltering the sex life is too. Who wants to have sex with someone they don’t even want to look at because they are SO angry? Or, someone who you are not really attracted to anymore. What do you do when the man who you promised to love until death do you part gains 100 pounds and goes bald? Um....you see a counselor! If you have unresolved issues in your marriage and feel that they are affecting your ability to be intimate with your partner, then marriage counseling is the way to go! Oftentimes a mediator can navigate you and your partner through the rough patch and help you to come out the other side stronger and more in-tune with the one another. This can bring back and rebuild the sexual connection. So, if you are fighting like cats and dogs get some professional help so you can go back to making love, not war!
5. DEALING WITH DEPRESSION: When we are depressed the last thing we want to do is have sex, right? We may feel fat, ugly, unloved and unmotivated. We want to sleep or watch TV eating Ben and Jerry’s ice cream all night. This may seem like a humorous portrayal of depression but it is accurate for lots of women, as many turn to comfort foods for, well, comfort. Depression is serious business and it can affect libido as well as our non-sexual relationships. As if being depressed doesn’t suck enough, many of the medications for to treat it can also lower libido. If you are depressed, the first step is to get help from a professional. The next step is to get a medication that allows you to live your life fully – and that includes sex. If one medication does not work, try another! But by no means should you take yourself off a medication because you think it may be lowering you libido. Always check with a doc!
How Depression Can Lower Her Sexual Desire
4. MANAGING MEDICATIONS: There are so many medications that can lower or inhibit sex drive – including depression meds (see above), so it is important to read and understand the side effects of whatever you may be taking. Oftentimes doctors can prescribe a different medicine for the same condition that may not have the nasty side effect of low libido! So, if you are on a new medicine (especially long term meds) you should always investigate the side effects and report any libido issues or concerns to your doctor.
3. HORMONE THERAPY: As women get older (or, post childbirth) their hormones change, shift, and overall cause havoc with their bodies. Hormonal changes can cause a myriad of issues from vaginal dryness to total lack of libido. Hormone therapy can be extremely effective in balancing out all or your body's intricate chemicals, and restoring peace to the world. It is important that a medical professional do the necessary tests to find out what hormones are imbalanced. Most often low testosterone (yes, women have it too) can be the culprit! So, if you feel like your body is just not doing what it should – make an appointment to see your gyno!
2. PAIN, NOT PLEASURE: Fibroids or Endometriosis are painful conditions that plague a woman’s reproductive system. They can certainly mess with hormones but more importantly: THEY CAUSE PAIN! No one wants to have sex when it is painful. Sex should never be painful. So, if you are noticing that you have pain when you have sex – go see your GYNO! You may have something going on internally that is causing issues with your body AND your libido!
1. INCREASE INTIMACY: For women, sex is as much emotional and psychological as it is physical. We cannot always just throw ourselves into a state of horniness (much to the dismay of most males). So, when we feel a lack of intimacy we can feel a lack of desire to share in that intimate act of sex. If you believe that you are feeling intimately disconnected from your partner you need to rekindle that intimacy. How do you do that? Well, this sounds stupid but go back to step one. How did you establish an intimate connection with your lover in the first place? You DATED. So, date him now. Go on a dinner date, see a movie, make out like teenagers in the back seat of the car. Ask him questions that you used to ask him about his day, his life. Tell him about yours. Prepare for your date, you know – SHAVE, wear something pretty, put on make-up if that makes you feel more beautiful. Make the effort to fall back in love with your partner and re-establish that intimacy that you are lacking!
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