We would all like to go through our lives happy and content, wouldn’t we? This is not particularly realistic though. Most people will experience some level of sadness or, the more clinical term, Depression, at some point in their lives. It can be a fleeting issue – perhaps after a death or a bad break-up or divorce – or, it can be medially clinical. In either situation, being depressed can really take a toll on your sex drive and your sex life. It is important for anyone who is dealing with depression to know how it can affect them and their partner. Conversely, if your partner is the one dealing with the depression it is extremely important for you to understand what they are going through as well. Also, keep in mind that some people do not even realize that they are depressed; they think they are just sad. It is important to pay attention to your body, mind and to listen to what your partner is telling you about your moods. It is important to deal with depression.
Mikayla’s note: I am not a doctor or medical specialist, my advice here is meant to be general. If you or someone who you care for is suffering from depression it is important that you seek medical advice and care.
SELF ESTEEM: If you are depressed (whether clinically or generally) then it is very likely your self esteem is not very high. Specifically, if your depression is guided by something such as a divorce or the loss of a job. We are very tied to our emotions when it comes to our “self worth” to others (ironic that our SELF worth would be of a concern to others, right?) When we feel like a “failure” or a “loser” then we surely do not feel confident, sexy and in the mood to have an intimate relationship with our partners. This hits men particularly hard because they have the inward notion that they are “strong” or are “the providers” for the family. When the loss of a job occurs their self esteem goes right out the window and so does their libido. So if you have suffered a self esteem blow – or your partner has – it is important to recognize that and give yourself some time to process. Being a supportive partner is also extremely important.
How Low Self Esteem Affects His Libido
BRAIN PAIN: Contrary to what you may believe, a man’s sexual libido comes from his brain, not his penis. When there is a chemical imbalance that is causing depression, this affects how they think and respond to things, including sexual stimuli. This is not something that can be helped, as it is an unconscious process that happens in the brain. When someone is suffering from depression, things that used to provide pleasure no longer do. Things that felt good or tasted wonderful have lost their appeal. It can often be confusing for a man who is attracted to his partner to not understand why he has no desire to be intimate with her. What is the most important to remember is that there is nothing he can do to control this until he realizes this is happening. This often requires a trip to a psychiatrist or doctor. Medications can often help to resolve the imbalance, helping the person to process things more normally and less “clouded.”
MEDICAL MAYHEM: If you have realized that you are depressed and have sought help from a medical professional then it is very likely that you have received some medication. Anti-depressants can be wonderful tools in helping to restore the brain’s imbalance and making this person feel less depressed. Unfortunately, some of these medicines come at a hefty price of a lower libido or mild erectile dysfunction. So now you are faced with the fact that you are no longer clinically depressed, but you can’t maintain an erection or you have a lower sex drive. The good news is, there are methods to deal with this. Not every anti-depressant works the same; you need to experiment to find the right one for you. Also, there are other medications that can help to combat the sexual side effects of the anti-depressant. If this is happening to you, ask your doctor for help. They are extremely used to getting asked these questions, so don’t be shy. Also, make sure you tell your partner that this is happening so that she doesn’t feel responsible for the shift in sexual activity.
AVOIDANCE / EMBARRASSMENT: What all of these things have in common is that they likely can cause embarrassment for the man. Particularly if he is in a rather new relationship. Men hold a lot of their self confidence in their sexual ability, and when this is tampered with, it can be cause for embarrassment. So, instead of “asking for directions on help” – many men will avoid sex all-together. This can often cause a boomerang effect where they refuse or avoid sex, their partner becomes concerned and oftentimes upset, the man then shifts the reason for avoidance onto his partner, then she becomes upset and it goes around and around without help. The absolute best thing a man can do when dealing with depression is to be honest with his partner and allow her to process and help him.
Quick recap. If you are dealing with depression: (1) get help from a medical professional (2) tell your partner that you are feeling depressed and ask for patience (3) get on the right treatment plan (4) inform your doctor on what side effects you are having (5) be honest with your partner on these side effects.
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