Ladies, do you consider yourself a good lover? Have your lovers commented on your skill and finesse in the boudoir? Or, have your lovers run screaming from the bedroom, never to return for a repeat performance? If you are in either of these categories let me tell you – ALL women make mistakes in bed one time or another. How do we rectify these horrid wrongs that we are perpetrating on our unsuspecting lovers? We LEARN what we are doing wrong and we FIX the problems! So, what are the 5 BIGGEST mistakes that women commonly make in bed? You may be surprised to hear what they are. This article will let you in on the secret and you can think about your bedroom performance and figure out if YOU are one of the offenders! If you are of the misinformed get a pencil and a paper and prepare to be enlightened!
It should come as NO surprise that men like oral sex – giving and receiving – and if you want your lover to go down on you, you have to be not only willing but ABLE to go down on him! I distinctly remember an article in Playboy a few years back that definitively stated that 80% of men would leave their lover (not married) if she either refused to give head or did not do it well enough! 80% ladies….that is a HUGE number! While I am sure that there are men out there willing to forgo the fellatio if their lover can bend like a performer in Circ de’ Solei, I doubt that most of us have the capacity to woo our lover without paying attention to his special, personal friend! Oral sex is important to men – they love it. There is nothing quite like looking downward at the beautiful head of hair that is attached to the woman who is lovingly servicing his manhood. Men swoon when they get a good blowjob – they are willing to reciprocate, they are rearing to go the extra mile for you. Conversely, if you do not give their penis personal attention they are less interested in YOU, and more interested in finishing up. Does this mean that a 2 minute lick and a tug qualifies as good head? ABSOLUTELY NOT! There is a definite art to giving good head – and it takes time and practice. Here are some ideas to help:
Love what you are doing. If you are uninterested and just rushing through your oral time, your man will know it. While there is a saying that “a bad blowjob is better than no blowjob at all,” I think some men would actually pick NO blowjob over watching their lover check her watch and act like his penis tastes like 7 day fish! Get into it, be enthused, really go at it like it is your favorite thing to do – even if it isn’t.
Use fingers, tongue and mouth. To give good oral you MUST use your fingers, hands, tongue and mouth. His shaft is large and all of it likes attention. Your tongue can twirl, your fingers can tickle, your mouth sucks (in a good way) – utilize all the tools at your disposal!
Don’t forget the boys. Your man has balls. We know it, he knows it. Men LOVE their balls sucked, licked, touched and squeezed. Learn how to do this with style. Make sure you lovingly lick his boys at least a few times during your oral time.
Learn to deepthroat. Listen ladies, deepthroating is NOT a necessity for a good blowjob, but it sure doesn't hurt! There is something that happens with a man who is getting deepthroated – he will emit a guttural moan like you have scarcely heard him render and he will grab your hair, stroke your face and his eyes will roll back in his head! Now why would you NOT want to have that much control over your man?
Well, that about covers the basics for foreplay fellatio. If you want more detailed information on giving a good blowjob – see my article on the subject in the sex education section. The most important thing to take from this section is that blowjobs RULE, so don’t forget to service your man’s manhood!
5 Sexy Things Men Crave In The Bedroom
While there is NOTHING wrong with the missionary position, it's okay to spice things up! Variety can be fun! In an article from Woman’s Day from last year, a survey of men looking to spice up their sex lives stated that one of the biggest things their lover could do to make things hotter things up in the bedroom is to be more adventurous – this included changing positions. Sometimes we women get stuck in the position that we think shows us in the best light, i.e. tummy flat as it can be, cellulite hidden by laying on it, breasts situated evenly on our chests. Basically, lying flat is the most flattering for our bodies most of the time! Many women are insecure about their bodies and as such; do not feel confident enough to get up and on top! This is SOOOOOOO not the way to go. Contrary to what you may think, your man is not surveying your cellulite or your stomach pooch. He is basically looking at 3 things: your face, your breasts and, well, you can guess the other. If he has gotten to the point where he is sleeping with you, he has already gotten past your extra 10 pounds!
Men like lovers who are interested and engaged in lovemaking. They want someone who kisses them, grinds on them, moves around and expresses her pleasure during sex. What they DO NOT want is a woman who just lies there! If that is what men wanted, they would all get blow-up dolls! Part of being a good lover is being active with your partner – this goes for men as well! Confidence is sexy! If you are not concerned about how you look while you are having sex, then you have the “what the hell” attitude! Now, this is not to say that you can’t play up your assets – perhaps with a sexy bra or by shaving your vagina so that he looks THERE more than anywhere else! There are literally hundreds of positions to try that will give you and him immense pleasure – so do not limit yourself – be confident, be proud, be WOMAN….and let him hear your roar!
FAKING YOUR ORGASM
Many women are under the gross misconception that their man has one goal in mind – to give THEM an orgasm! They also falsely believe that if they do not have one that they are letting their man down. This is simply NOT true! Men would much rather know HOW to get you to orgasm and actually give you one than have you faking your pleasure! When you fake your orgasm you are cheating yourself AND your lover. Contrary to what many women believe, men DO care about your pleasure and they CAN tell if you are faking. So, why do it? Why sell yourself short and make your lover feel inadequate? SHOW HIM how to pleasure you! Faking an orgasm really says to your lover that you do not connect with him intimately, you feel insecure about showing him how to pleasure you. Women who are confident in the bedroom are willing to enjoy sex and have pleasure. They are willing to touch themselves, use sexual enhancement products, or simply move his head a few inches up or down to get to “the spot!” Men are attracted to these kinds of women and often feel like their women think they are stupid when they fake their orgasm. So, give your lover the whole package – emotional, physical and intimate connection – do not fake your orgasms!
INSTANT SEX CHANGE
It is NO secret that women are more emotionally invested in relationships in general than men are – it is just a fact of life. When women fall in love – or lust – and give their bodies to another, often times they feel emotionally connected and intimate with their lover. Men, on the other hand, may be very fond of you – even love you – but they are not about to talk about their intimate feelings while you are making love. If you expect your man to not be a “man” while he is in bed with you – then you have a BIG surprise coming! Men just have a different view of things than women. When women make love they think of how good things feel, the connection they are sharing, perhaps even how much they love their partner.
Men, well men think more on the lines of “boy this is hot” or “I can’t believe I am hitting this!” This is not a character flaw ladies, this is just their genetic make-up in action. So, be prepared if you decide to ask your man what he is “thinking” while you are making love to not get the perfect little answer that you would give to him. More than likely, if he answers at all, he is going to say something manly, vulgar, even stupid – he is NOT going to say, “how much I love you baby.” If he does say this, then he has clearly figured out what you want to hear – or he is a bit more in tune with his “feminine” side. The fact is ladies, we sleep with MEN (sometimes women too, but that is another article) and MEN are different than women! Thank goodness they are too – ‘cause I doubt anything would happen if we continue to talk and discuss our feelings all the time! Along the same lines, if you expect your man to cuddle with you after – just remember they have an internal time clock – about 5 minutes – then they need their space. While this does NOT always apply to all men, it is a general guideline for many men. So, just keep in mind that part of keeping your lover happy is not to expect him to become a girly-man!
CRITICISM REARS ITS UGLY HEAD
Pretty much the worst thing a woman can do in bed is to (harshly) criticize her man! Men do not want to hear “I didn’t orgasm because you don’t give oral as good as my ex!” That hurts! There is a right way and a wrong way to tip your lover off to what he is doing wrong, or what he could do better, in bed. There is finesse to it, and with the right suggestions, your man will be pleasuring you the way you love in no time! Sometimes we women do not even know that we do it. Perhaps our man is on top grinding against us. He is in the wrong spot to stimulate our clitoris. We either want him to move or touch our clitoris for us so we can orgasm. Instead of SUGGESTING or taking his hand and SHOWING him what to do. We sigh one of those long, unnerving sighs that suggests something is wrong. Then, when our man says, “What's wrong baby?” We say something snippy like, “Oh nothing, I guess I am not going to cum tonight!” Do we actually expect our man to read our minds? Do we think he is going to keep going knowing we are unhappy and unfulfilled? This is a sure-fire way to not only ruin the night, but perhaps ruin the relationship!
Another quick road to relationship suicide is to compare your man to your past lovers. If you do this WHILE engaged in sex – then you are just plain cruel. If you do it after – as a kind of “This is what you could do better because ‘John’ knew how to pleasure me” kind of playback – think twice! Men do not want to hear about your exes and they sure as hell do not want to hear how John gave you multiple orgasms! This does not mean you have to stay unhappy if your lover is missing the mark – but there are appropriate and non-judgmental ways to talk about it. NEVER do it during sex – unless you are just going to move his hand or head a bit. When you do this, make sure that you praise him with moans and groans when he goes where you have indicated. Men do like to pleasure us ladies, but since every woman is different and likes different things, they need to be shown sometimes. If you are having a discussion about sex after the fact – tell him in a way that lets him know what you did that was great. Then say something like, “the next time you are going down on me, maybe use some fingers ‘cause that drives me nuts and I want to cum like crazy for you!” This lets him know what you want, while also ensuring him that you want a next time and you want to cum with him. It is a sure-fire way to communicate and connect on that intimate level!
THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS
They say that the road to happiness is paved with good intentions….and this article is definitely an attempt to “pave the roads” of uninformed women. These are just the top things women do wrong in bed – and as you can see, sometimes what you SAY can be more damaging than what you DO or DO NOT DO in bed. In a nutshell, men like CONFIDENCE – women who are active in bed, not afraid to get naked or to get on top – or even to put their ass in the air! They like women who WORSHIP their MANHOOD by giving good oral sex. They DO NOT want to discuss their FEELINGS or EMOTIONS DURING SEX. They DO want to know what to do to PLEASURE YOU, but they DO NOT want to be CRITICIZED or COMPARED.
If all women follow these simple suggestions then I am confident that relationships around the globe will be better, more secure and a heck of a lot more FUN! So, take a retrospective glance ladies, do you do any of these things? If you do – stop it NOW – and try to overcome the mistakes we all have made in the bedroom! Oh, and ladies, no not fear – Part II of this article is WHAT MEN DO WRONG IN BED – so you are not the only ones getting the lowdown, I am going to inform the men too!
Let Us Know!