Times are changing and casual sex is making a comeback in a big, big way! With the absolute prevalence of internet dating sites, not to mention hook-up only sites, many people are opting for less standard relationships and more casual sex! Casual sex is not for everyone though, as some people (women especially) feel that casual sex is a road to heartbreak. Truthfully, casual sex can actually prevent heartbreak because there are no strings attached, no one is committing or making another person commit, and it is all about safe, consensual fun. So, if you have decided you want to have a little casual sex, how do you go about it? What steps do you take? What are the “rules” if any? Read on to find out!
Definition: casual sex is, by definition, casual. In direct opposition of serious. This means that there are no expectations other than sex and fun. There is usually no discussion of a relationship. There is no attachment of any kind and, usually, an expectation that you are sleeping with others outside of the couple. If this seems like a good route for you, then you wish to pursue casual sex.
The absolute first thing you must do is be completely honest with yourself and with your partner. If you are just agreeing to have a casual relationship because deep down you just know he or she is going to fall in love with you, well, you are asking for heartbreak there! Casual sex can sometimes turn into more, but if you are agreeing to have casual sex with someone you can’t expect anything other than that. So, be honest with yourself – is this what you REALLY want? Do you like this person too much so that if he / she sleeps with another person you will be hurt? Or, do you like this person but plan to sleep with many others? You need to be honest with the person with whom you are planning to engage in this casual sex. Make sure it is what you honestly want!
How You Can Tell She's Lovin' The Sex!
Not only do you have to protect your feelings you also have to protect your body! Having casual sex means that there is a possibility your partner is sleeping with others, which means that you need to protect yourself from STDs. Just because sex is casual doesn’t mean you do not insist on STD testing and protection – and in fact it is a much better reason to double check that! Condoms, birth control and dental dams need to be a BIG part of your casual sex repertoire! Not very sexy, I know, but one of the issues with being casual is that you are not monogamous and that means you need to always be thinking about who he/she is sleeping with next and how to protect yourself. Get tested more regularly and do everything possible to keep yourself safe.
Picking a Partner
So, how do you decide who would make a good casual sex partner? Perhaps you are already contemplating sex with someone or maybe you have no one on your dating radar. Picking a partner is extremely important because you need to make sure it is someone who agrees that the casual sex is all you want from the other, someone who is (preferably) single and available. Someone with whom you can have a fun experience and are attracted to. Finally, someone who you can trust at least minimally to be safe and honest with you. Perhaps you go on a dating site where there is an option for “looking for casual sex.”
Just keep in mind, people that put that are generally not looking for a relationship and may actually be IN one and be looking for supplemental fun. If you are going to engage in casual sex with someone whom you know already, make sure that you are not going to be attached to him or her or, if you are friends, that you will not risk that friendship if the casual sex thing doesn’t work out. The key here is to find someone who won’t end up causing pain in your life – even though that is a risk with any type of relationship even purely sexual ones.
Give it a Go
Nothing to it but to do it! Eventually you are going to have to give the casual sex thing a try. After it is over, how do you feel? Do you feel satisfied? Do you feel lonely? Do you want more than just sex? Was it just perfect and you could do it again no problems? Do you feel used? Were all your needs met? These are all things you need to evaluate post experience. If you enjoyed yourself, don’t feel any remorse or regret, don’t see yourself wanting to stalk this person or upset at the idea of them having sex with another – then congratulations – you just had successful casual sex! If you have doubts or regrets or want to get married to this person and have lots of babies - well, casual sex is probably not for you! Keep in mind, this can change from experience to experience so make sure you are constantly in a state of re-evaluation.
Mikayla’s tip: Word to the wise, casual sex is not always the best way to go when it comes to sex. Men seem to have an easier time with it than women. If you are at all uncomfortable with this idea – do not do it. However, if you want to just have some good, old-fashioned adult fun – then go for it! Just be safe and have no regrets!
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