"Mikayla, my boyfriend is really into spanking me in the bedroom. I really do not enjoy it. I see a lot of girls in porn that enjoy it. Some of my friends have even told me how much they like it! He doesn't hit me hard at all. I just can't seem to understand the thrill of it. Can you help me figure out why I can't seem to enjoy it? Am I missing something?"
Dear Stupefied Spankee,
Your question made me smile because as a woman who likes to be spanked I have often been questioned by my girlfriends about why I like it so. For me, the answer is: I like the sting of the pain combined with the pleasure that follows. It is an interesting combination and not all women want any part of any type of pain during sex – and that is OK. I have heard, from other women that for them the enjoyment comes from feeling out of control, being submissive to the point of accepting a punishment. This dynamic is complex and has a lot more sides to it than just being spanked. I do not sense that you are interested in this type of play, so I will not expand on it. Still other women and men enjoy role playing and pretending that one is a babysitter or an authority figure, and the one being spanked is under the control of the one doing the spanking. In this regard, it is not as much about the actual spanking, but the “story” surrounding the act.
You ask me what you may be missing? My response to that is, “if you have to ask, you are not missing anything.” What I mean is, if you have been spanked and it does nothing for you, then you do not like it. It may be a take-it or leave-it type activity. Either way, it is not something that you need to like or participate in, and you should never feel pressured to do any sexual activity that you do not like. So, if your boyfriend continues to do it, and you are opposed, please speak up! He may not know that you do not like it and continues because he assumes you do! Make sure you are always honest and open about your wants, desires, likes and dislikes when it comes to sex.