Flirty Football: How To Sex Up The Big Game
Do you consider yourself a “football widow?” Do you dread fall because you know your man will become an obsessed, beer-drinking, chip-eating, yelling-at-the-screen, crying-when-his-team-loses football baby? Do you think that you will not have sex on a Sunday until after Superbowl Sunday?
Well, I can relate. Really, I can. I have dated many a football enthusiast (aka football freak) and have tried many tactics to not only keep myself interested in the big games but also to keep HIM interested in ME when all he seems to want to do is stare at sweaty men in tight pants. So, since football season is HERE (*group groan*) I am going to offer some suggestions for how to sex up football season!
1. STRIP FOOTBALL– I dated a guy once who really, really loved football and I really, really felt lonely during these times. So, I figured out a way to make it fun for me and for him – as well as making sex nearly inevitable. I decided to play “strip football.” The idea is, every time the team you are rooting for makes a touchdown you take off some piece of clothing. Ergo, the better the team does, the more naked you become. It can be up to you to decide what clothing is removed first, but if you pay even a little bit of attention to how the team plays you can figure out what order to undress for success! In a twist on the same idea, you can put clothes back ON when the other team scores!
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2. SEXY SUPPORT – I would bet a good sum of money that most men would tell you that not much is sexier than seeing their woman don their favorite team’s jersey! Firstly, a woman in a man’s shirt is sexy as is but when you combine their love of your body with their love of football – well, TOUCHDOWN! So, why not take it upon yourself to (a) KNOW which team is their favorite and (b) get and wear a jersey, shirt or other team representative apparel. Then, when you come and plop down on his lap wearing a jersey and some yoga pants all of his buddies will be looking at YOU and not that television screen! Watching alone? Then just a jersey and thong would be the right way to go! TOUCH me DOWN there!
3. SCORE! - Nothing excites a manly-man more than when his favorite team goes for the touchdown and SCORES (a touchdown meaning that the ball goes through those pole thingies). So, why not help him to celebrate! Make a deal with him that when his team scores you will give him a little celebratory activity. This can be a nice, deep kiss! A grope of his little teammate. Or, perhaps, if you are alone while watching, he can give your private parts a little squeeze! It is all about flirty fun and connecting yourself to him AND the game in a fun and sexy way!
4. HALF-TIME HOTTIE – So maybe your dude watches some of his games alone while you crochet next to him on the couch. Feeling disconnected? Well, how about some half-time entertainment? When there is a break in the game this is a good time to “take a knee.” Yes, I said it. Take a knee as in – give him a half time hummer! There is no better way for him to relate FOOTBALL to YOU than putting his most prized player into your mouth when there is a lull in the action. This will keep things fun and flirty, and keep you on his mind during every game of the season. I would say that is a win-win!
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5. CHIPS, DIPS AND SEXY QUIPS – Does your guy have all his buddies over for the big game? Do YOU own the largest television set known to man just so you can see every bead of sweat on each player on the field? Well, if you are saddled with the responsibility of HOSTING game day, you have a job to do. No, now hear me out on this one before you call the feminism police. If you are going to have the guys there anyway, why not make it a good party. Nothing says, “my girlfriend rocks” like providing fun and tasty treats for your guy and his pals. Make some little sammies, buffalo chip dip, get beer and keep it cold for them. How does this help you sex up the big game – or get sex at all? Well, a happy man is a horny man and if he is going to watch football anyway, you might as well be the hostess with the mostest!
6. IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ‘EM, JOIN EM – You can’t fight it, it is inevitable. So, why not show a little support? I mean, football is not BAD, or even boring. It is actually quite exciting. So, if you are gonna lose your man a night or two to football, why not ask him to explain the game to you. Sit on his lap and ask him things like, “what does it mean when the ball goes through those pole thingies?” or “why did that guy push that other guy?” Not only will he see you are interested in what HE likes, but he will also get to play “all-knowing super-ego man” in explaining things to you! Win-Win! Plus, when you want to go to the ballet, perhaps he will tag along. Okay, maybe not...
7. SPIKING HIS BALLS (Well, not actually!) – OK, football terminology: when a player runs the field for the touchdown, and makes it past the line, it is a touchdown. Often, the player will “spike the ball” which means he basically throws it on the ground and does a little dancy-dance. So, if your man’s team has won the big game, why not celebrate! He should be on the “football high” so you might as well ride it (or him) by giving him a celebratory night of fun! WIN-WIN!
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